This happened recently over Thanksgiving break and it’s been weighing on me. I want to know if I’m in the wrong here.
**Names:**
* Diva = my neighbor Lily’s cat
* Belle = my roommate
* Lily = our neighbor
I love cats. I’ve had my own cat since I was 10; she’s 21 now. After my mom passed away when I was 17, my cat was one of the only things I had left of her, so cats are very important to me.
Before Thanksgiving, Lily asked if I could feed and give medication to her cat Diva twice a day from Tuesday to Friday. Diva had just been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and was extremely thin and clearly struggling. I wanted to help, but I would be away that week. I told Lily I could cover Tues night and Wed morning, and that I could ask my roommate Belle to handle the rest. I’ve lived with Belle for almost two years and trusted her. And we both love Diva. Belle agreed and committed to covering Wednesday night, Thursday morning/night, and Friday morning/night.
Belle and I both went over Tues night to learn Diva’s routine. I gave Diva her meds Wed morning. Belle told me she went over late Wednesday night. Because it was a holiday week, we weren’t checking in constantly, but I trusted her. Later, Lily told me (via her Ring camera) that Belle didn’t go at all on Thursday and only stopped by once at 1 AM Friday morning.
I had left to see family Wed night. On Saturday, Lily called me crying. She came home Friday night and found Diva had passed away. Her body was still warm.
I called Belle and asked if she went over Friday. She paused and admitted she forgot. I told her Diva passed away Friday night. After 15 secs, she just said “Okay.” DUDE! I swear I was about to lose my shit. I cried my eyes out with my family all around me on Thanksgiving.
Belle didn’t reach out for more info. She didn’t check on Lily or apologize. Lily was kind and said it wasn’t Belle’s fault, and I understand Diva was very sick and may have passed regardless. But Belle had promised to give her pain relief and left her alone during her last day.
When I returned home, Belle acted completely normal and avoided me. She still didn’t ask. I try making small talk, but I’m completely shut out from our relationship. She doesn’t even answer her door. We used to be such good friends. Since then, she’s barely spoken to me and gives one-word answers.
So Reddit, **AITA for judging Belle and feeling hurt and angry that she promised to care for a dying cat, forgot, and then showed no remorse or concern afterward? Do I deserve being iced out for this?**
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**Edit: P**lacing more details here for context.
I’ve been living with Belle for almost two years and trusted her. So I asked Belle if she was around this week for Thanksgiving. She said she was, and she could commit to it. If she had said she would be unable to, that wouldn’t an issue, I would have just told Lily that Belle was unavailable but Belle agreed to help since we both love Diva. Diva was always a great neighborhood cat, we would feed and play with her often in the past year. We have cared for this cat multiple times before. We were close with her and had an emotional tie. I thought Belle was pretty fond of Diva. So when she said she could do it I trusted her as I always do. I didn’t volunteer her, I said I would ask and I asked Belle. She said yes.
But it is absolutely NOT Belle’s fault that Diva passed away. Diva was clearly very sick and we didn’t realize how close she was to passing. If Diva was going, Diva was going. Belle could clearly see how thin and weak Diva was. But Belle left Diva to die alone, in pain on the floor. If Belle had told me on Friday that Diva was actively dying, I would have alerted Lilly right away. I could have done something. My thing is that it’s her fault Diva died alone and in pain. That’s what I’m angry about. She could gone over to recognize the situation and could have alerted us. But she did not. She wanted to go out and party with her friends instead.
So Lily was going to come home to a dead cat, but if Belle had let us know Lily could have rushed home. But that didn’t happen.
Lily absolutely screwed up too by leaving Diva behind. Lily aboslutely should not have left Diva behind. She definitely is evil for that. But we all didn’t have an active understanding that Diva was dying, just a sense that she was severely sick.
The other part in this scenario is now I’m being ignored and I’m trying to understand why, when we have never had a single discussion about what happened since and all I told her over the phone was that Diva died Friday night. The only conversations we’d had since Thanskgiving has been about bills, packages, etc. It’s like she cut off a whole part of herself. We used to be such good friends. Now I can’t even do small talk. What she was up to? What games she was playing? If she was spending time with her boyfriend more. She would give one-word answers. There was clear body language she wanted to be left alone. I’ve tried knocking on her door. No response. She goes out from 730 AM to 9 PM or much later to stay busy. I’m pretty sure if I asked her now I wouldn’t get any kind of answers from her. It’s started to build some resentment for me, thinking that she’s just plain evil for once caring for this cat we loved for a long time and completely doing a 180 by ignoring me and pretending nothing happened.
I get it ya’ll, not everyone gives a crap if a cat is dying or is in pain. But I thought she gave a crap about Diva, since she was such a big part of our relationship. And we had such a good relationship before this.!And she really really loved Diva, or at least she used to.
Can anybody tell me if Belle’s behavior is normal? I cannot believe in 2026 that a situation like this can happen. You can live two steps from somebody’s door in your own house and they completely ignore you after living with you for almost 2 years. It’s a very quick transformation into a very apathetic, unfeeling person. Or maybe it’s my fault for having judgment, thinking that the other person who loved the same cat very much would want to get more information, and waiting for Belle to speak to me about Diva.
NTA she’s shutting you out because she’s ashamed of herself, and she should be.
I mean, Belle killed a cat, so she’s definitely an AH. There’s no getting around that.
But you say that Belle “promised to care for a dying cat,” when you’re the one who volunteered her. And, regardless, Lily had ample warning that Belle wasn’t up to the task as she had already noticed that Belle had missed at least one dose. If Diva was truly still “warm” when Lily found her (and I admit, I’m having to overlook that seemingly bot-generated detail), that means Lily had time to either return home early or line up an alternative caregiver when she saw Belle wasn’t doing her job.
I just feel like, if Diva’s life was so fragile that missing a dose of medication killed her, Lily either shouldn’t have left or she should have enlisted professional help to care for Diva while she was gone, like by boarding her at the vet. But all the cat lovers in this story prioritized their Thanksgiving plans over the sickly cat.
More info needed but obviosuly you arent the asshole.
Everyone shows emotions and processes things differently, so I personally would not judge your roommate too much or think i know how she feels. Maybe she does feel really bad, so bad that she doesn’t know how to address it.
Not making it right that she forgot or anything but I wouldn’t go straight to evil…. people do forget things sometimes.
Has she done anything else that would make you think she is a bad person? This incident alone doesn’t make me think that, but I don’t know her.
INFO what did you say to Belle? And is this a troll/bot post.
You think she is “evil” in the title but you think you the AH for being overly judgemental.
If you think she is evil for this then you need to move out and not worry if she stops being your friend.
We do pet sitting & have cared for 450 different dogs & 50 cats over the years. Lots of experience with senior & medically fragile animals.
Your roommate is a major asshole! She should have never agreed to help out if she wasn’t following through. This was a living creature!
She’s acting like this because she’s ashamed of herself-as she should be.
My condolences to all who loved Diva.
Just to correct you, if the cat was hyperthyroidism the medication would be a beta blocker, not medication. The cat would not be experiencing pain but would be
NTA Belle agreed to care for a dying cat and didn’t do it. Forgetting once is bad. Missing multiple visits, including the last day, is negligence.
Whether Diva would have passed anyway is beside the point. Belle promised care and pain relief and failed to provide it.
Her reaction makes it worse. No apology, no concern, no checking on Lily, then avoidance and emotional shutdown. That is not how a responsible or empathetic person behaves. Her icing you out is just guilt avoidance.
Just one thing I don’t think is clear in the post.
It is absolutely NOT Belle’s fault that Diva passed away. Diva was clearly very sick and we didn’t realize how close she was to passing. If Diva was going, Diva was going. Belle could clearly see how thin and weak Diva was. But Belle left Diva to die alone, in pain on the floor. If Belle had told me on Friday that Diva was actively dying, I would have alerted Lilly right away. I could have done something.
The thing is, I trusted Belle that she would go over to help because (1) she promised and (2) could see how sick Diva was. I told Lilly she could trust her. I thought I could trust her. And I feel so stupid. I left my senior cat with her multiple times when I would travel out of state. The idea that she could have neglected her completely breaks me. Doesn’t matter if it wasn’t physical neglect. Cats need emotional comfort too. And knowing Belle now she probably only did the bare minimum to keep her alive and put her away in a room in the house.
It’s made me fall into a spiral. My own senior kitty is not doing well lately, and I have really been feeling like I need to be a better pet owner. And I shouldn’t have trusted her to take care of the cats.
Can anybody tell me if her behavior is normal? I cannot believe in 2026 that a situation like this can happen. You can live two steps from somebody’s door in your own house and they completely ignore you after living with you for almost 2 years.
At the beginning Belle is your roommate. At the end she won’t answer her door, as if she’s a neighbor with whom you used to be friends. You need to use a better class of AI or at least read what it slops out before you paste it here.
I just read it as she wouldn’t answer her bedroom door.
She has a door in the house that I knock on as it is her room and I do not enter personal property.
Aw man. I can’t judge this. It’s so close to home. My FIL’s dog just passed away while he was away at his birthday bash. He paid a neighbor to watch her… we think the neighbor might have dementia. Poor Bella was never fed, she froze, and she did it alone. We never thought she had dementia until this moment. We’ve always been able to rely on the neighbors so… this is just so sad. I’m sorry for your loss, some might say it’s just a pet, but to others like me, like you, we just lost family. NTA. My heart breaks for you.
NTA. I think she’s ignoring you because she’s mortified and having to admit it/talk about it seems too painful. That’s my guess anyway, because I assume she has a conscience.