I’ve been invited to my close friend’s stag do. I’m also close to his best men, who are organising it.
Dates and locations were polled. A long weekend (Fri-Sun) in Wales won out. The stag is very outdoorsy and Wales was pitched against Skiing in Austria/Climbing in Italy, so I had images of climbing, camping, and canyoning.
7 weeks ahead of the stag the organisers send a rough plan:
Arriving Thursday evening, playing board games;
Friday canyoning, drinking, and gaming;
Saturday paintballing and a night out;
Sunday roast and walk.
5/10 of us can’t make the Thursday, we assumed Friday to Sunday meant arriving Friday afternoon/evening. I raised concerns about the extra night and the value of activities versus cost. I suggested adjustments, but they were ignored, a key one being compressing the event to two nights, which I still think was more than do able.
A follow up message is sent confirming the plan, and that everyone will pay the same for the Airbnb regardless of arrival date.
I didn’t feel this was fair, so replied with a suggestion to apportion the cost of the Airbnb by night, and a plea from those of us unable to come on Thursday that Canyoning be moved to Saturday so we could attend, as it’s probably the only thing we’re doing that’s worth the travel cost.
This was again, completely ignored, and the plan reaffirmed, this time asking for final availability so activities could be booked, and for payment, split regardless of nights stayed.
Money and time are tight for me, and while I wouldn’t mind spending if it were a really exciting trip, the current plan feels like poor value.The whole thing feels dismissive and spiteful, like the organisers aren’t taking our concerns seriously.
I genuinely want to be there for for the stag, but I’m seriously considering skipping it because of how the organisers have handled everything and the cost/value ratio.
AITA for thinking of sitting this one out?
You’re there for the groom, not a holiday. You’re concentrating on the wrong thing, imo.
YTA
Why would you pay less money because you’re arriving later?
Is someone else going to magically use the spot where you would sleep and then just disappear when you arrive?
If you want to pay less because you’re arriving later than everyone else, that’s just unreasonable.
If the majority are arriving on friday, then the majority need to get together and say that this location should only be booked for friday and not make everyone else pay for thursday.
But the rest of it?
The itinerary is meant to please the groom.
You are there for the groom.
I agree, this stands, but what’s key is the original poll. Fri-Sun, not Thurs-Sun. We committed to a different set of dates that were booked – should I make this clearer or AITA either way?
YTA because it’s pretty obvious from your post that you don’t like what the trip is. How do I know? Because everything in your post aside from the date concern is irrelevant.
Your question should be solely about the original plan, not about where the party is and what you’re doing.
NTA, if you don’t want to go, don’t go, it’s an invitation not a summons and you haven’t committed to it yet.. The fact that half the people are missing out on a day shows how badly organized it is
YTA
Travel costs and venue costs are probably already fixed.
Someone dropping out at the last minute after it’s been confirmed are a nuisance and make others have to pay out of pocket? TA
Why would you expect to pay less after confirming via the poll that you’ll attend that date? Your room is already booked, you think it’s free just because you don’t sleep in it?
Fri-sun full days of events obviously means Thursday night arrival to begin events in the morning! That’s on you for not reaching out to clarify beforehand.
NTA. While it’s true you’re there for the groom, a stag party doesn’t actually require four days. It’s been planned in a way that assumes time and money are no obstacles. You’ve already seen that it’s not true for at minimum 5 out of the 10 people invited.
If you choose to sit it out, it’s due to the organizer’s inflexibility.
YTA
You don’t like that you will be paying for a night that you aren’t going to be there. You don’t like that your favorite activity will most likely be missed by you. I get that, and if this was your party or something to celebrate you, I would agree with you. If this was a situation where you clearly told the party that you only wanted to canyoning, I might be on your side (you said you were looking forward to the whole thing earlier, so, no). This is a stag party. Either go to celebrate your friend or don’t, but your excuses aren’t fair.