So me (17F) and my friend have been preparing for a really important college entrance exam for the past 2 years. It was a huge deal for both of us. We got the same exam center, which was about 1.5 hours away from home, and my dad volunteered to drop and pick us up.
For context: my dad usually doesn’t like the passenger seat (next to the driver) being empty when he drives. He thinks it’s disrespectful if someone sits in the back while he’s driving alone in front. But that day, I was just really happy that the exam was finally over. When he told me to sit in the front, I asked if I could sit in the back with my friend just for that day and he said yes.
On the way back, my friend and I were talking, laughing, making reels, just being excited that it was finally done. I’ll admit we weren’t exactly quiet, which probably wasn’t fair. But, my dad was listening to his music and podcasts, which he enjoys, so I didn’t think much about it. I barely spoke to him during the ride because I was caught up talking to my friend. It wasn’t on purpose. I wasn’t trying to ignore him or treat him badly.
After we dropped my friend, he told me I was very selfish and rude. He said I treated him like a driver instead of a father, and that just because he allowed me to sit in the back didn’t mean I could ignore him and be loud. He was really pissed. There was heavy traffic too, which he said made it worse.
He shouted at me the entire 20 minute drive home. Like literally shouting. It wasn’t just about me ignoring him, maybe about 60% of it was about the situation, and 40% was other things I hadn’t been doing right (which I admit were valid). But the intensity was way more than usual. He said a lot of mean things and really went all out. Usually when he scolds me, it’s toned down and shorter. This time it really hit hard.
What made it worse was that my exam had just ended. He knows how much the past two years meant to me and how stressed I’ve been. I had just been feeling relieved and happy.
I apologized multiple times that day and again the next day. I do understand that maybe it was a bit rude to ignore him and be loud. But I genuinely don’t think I deserved that level of anger or being shouted at for 20 minutes straight. He brought itr up again today and scolded me a bit today too.
I still dont think I didnt anything very wrong, but he said that I can ask anyone, and that it is common etiquette and societal norm.
TL;DR: I was celebrating the end of an important exam with a friend in the back of a car. I didn’t acknowledge my dad who was driving, while going home. He later said I was selfish and shouted at me the whole ride home. I apologized but I dont think his reaction matched what I did.
NTA – your Dad is massively overreacting. Shouting at you isn’t ok, that’s abusive.
He should be happy for you that you finally had your exam and that you’re having fun with a friend.
Nta. Your father sure sounds like a piece of work.
Your dad should be happy this stressful period is over for you and your friend. Unless he tried talking to you and you blatantly ignored him you are absolutely NTA
NTA !!! You hurt his ego. So he lashed out.
Did he ask you how the exam went? Did he not realize you were just decompressing?
This is his problem. You did nothing wrong OP! Wish you the best for the exam results!!
NTA. I’d be so happy and pleased if my daughter were enjoying herself so much, and I’d just be glad I could help make it happen in some small way by providing the car and driving
Your dad has control and anger issues. This isn’t about the front seat. You’ve done the right thing. Apologize and keep moving. You’re not going to change your father. Only he can.
NTA
He’s being a child. Kids hang out with their friends. That’s what they do. He doesn’t need company. He needs to get you safely where you’re going.
This! Like, why does he need to be part of their conversations every time he drives them. Friggin weird.
NTA. My parents would have considered it rude to not sit in the back with my friend.
NTA. I’m a dad of kids around your age, BTW.
If I didn’t like the noise I would say, “hey guys can you tone it down a bit it’s hard to concentrate with this traffic”
If I wanted to have a conversation I’d turn off the podcast and have a conversation.
NTA, your dad seems like a crybaby and selfish. You were genuinely happy for a time there, with your friend, your dad should be quietly smiling in the front seat. He should be proud of you and forget about how he feels for a little bit. You didn’t do anything disrespectful either, sitting in the back is his problem he has conjured up.
As a mom who carted kids all over the place I never expected anyone to pay attention to me. They were always busy having fun with each other which is as it should be. Your dad sounds like a narcissist.
Very much a narcissist. One of the things narcissists LOVE to do is ruin special events. They typically will start a fight or some kind of drama right before a major holiday. They can’t stand to see anyone excited or happy about a well earned success. Any decent, non self-centered parent would have loved to have witnessed their child’s joy, and would have been happy to be “just the driver”. As a parent, it’s not about us most of the time. The time for it to be about us was before we became parents, and to some degree again after the kids have left the home and started their adult lives.
I’m 36 and all these people on your father’s side are wild. He’s a grown man and he can’t handle being in the front seat by himself for a day?
If he was upset at your volume during the drive he could have asked you to be quiet.
I think he’s still lashing out because hes embarrassed at his initial reaction.
NTA