So firstly a bit of context here. My BIL’s car has been off the road for some time now, and my sister has been driving him to and from work. He found out I was looking to sell my car, and he asked if I’d be willing to sell it to him. The thing is my car is a luxury car, it’s not a run around. I didn’t want to offend so I asked him what his budget was and it fell way below what I was looking for. I told him as much and we didn’t speak much more of it. Later that day though my sister rang me up giving me a big sob story about how they needed to get my BIL back on the road with a decent motor.
I slept on it and decided for my sister’s sake I’d entertain the offer, because I’m not desperate for the money. I do well enough for myself that I could comfortably afford to take the hit. I told my BIL and Sister that once I get my new car I’d accept their offer. At the time I fully meant it.
Fast forward a couple of weeks I’m looking into new cars, I went to the BMW dealership and clapped eyes on a lovely motor, I fell in love with it instantly and knew I’d be going home with it. It was a lot more expensive than I planned for but what a beauty of a car (for context:545e M Sport ) as I was chatting to a salesman he asked what I drove currently, so I pointed to my old beamer parked outside. He told me they could give it a look over and potentially trade it in and knock a good chunk off the price of the new car.
I let them look it over, and they came back offering me way more trade in value than what my BIL was offering to buy it for. I knew he wouldn’t be able to come close to matching it, so I went ahead with it.
Well.. that was the trigger for ww3. My sister was absolutely fuming with me, she swore at me and told me I was a terrible brother for going back on my word. My parents were also upset with me, telling me I shouldn’t have said I’d take their offer if I was still going to entertain others. Now I’m public enemy number one and whilst I haven’t been officially uninvited from my parents Christmas dinner plans, I suspect my presence wouldn’t be welcome.
I kind of understand where they’re coming from but at the same time i felt like I was being taken for a bit of a mug and guilt tripped into agreeing to the original deal. They also had more than enough budget to get a brand new decent car so I really felt like my BIL was being a bit of a chancer and using my sister to aid him.
So Reddit, AITA?
ESH. This is one of those situations where not holding firm boundaries leads to you becoming an AH. You essentially promised a gift of 1000s under pressure. Withdrawing the gift is never going to go down well but you should never have been put in that position.
You reneged on an agreement. I get why you did it. It makes perfect sense. However, you still had a preexisting agreement and then went back on it without any warning at all.
Have to say YTA here. What you should’ve said is something along the lines of “I’m looking at cars now. Let’s see what happens once I’ve found one”. Something like that gives you wiggle room and lets them know that they may have to look for something themselves rather than believing they already have a deal in place.
You should have said all of that and turned down your BILs offer. Doesn’t giving your word mean anything to you?
Like if you’d said “listen if I don’t get a better offer you can have it that price” you’d be fine. But you’re the one who didn’t want to do it but said yes anyway. And then didn’t actually do the thing you said you would.
YTA
Well, you sorta are TA for going back on your word. You said you could take the hit on the car, but when it came to it, you went for the better deal.
But in saying that, your BIL and sister were trying to take advantage of your kindness with the offer because there was no way they could get a car like that. They can still buy a car with the money they have.
So you are all TA’s.!
ESH – You should not have made a promise if you were not planning to keep it , and having made it, should not have reneged on it, equally your sister and BIL should not have expected you to effectively subsidise them to buy a new car.
I’d suggest that you say you are sorry, you should not has told hm you’d be open to accepting his offer and you should have warned him/them when you realised that it wasnt going to be possible.
It woild be a nice gesture to offer to help them out with the cost of a new car, eveni f you can’t give them as much as the discount on him buying your car would have been
“ I told my BIL and Sister that once I get my new car I’d accept their offer.” That’s actually a verbal contract, which makes YTA for going back on your word and breaking a verbal contract.
“ I kind of understand where they’re coming from but [big long explanation about how it’s all their fault and you are the innocent victim]”. So YTA for not taking responsibility for the fact that you have gone back on your word.
“ I do well enough for myself that I could comfortably afford to take the hit.” YTA for going back on your word even though you could have afforded to keep to your word.
ESH. Let’s rewind here. BIL and sister can afford a new car, but they have not gotten one yet. You have a luxury car, and it’s not in their budget. They don’t need a luxury car. Despite this, you caved to your sister manipulating you, instead of standing up for yourself.
This never would have happened if you hadn’t caved, and if you had actually looked up the value of the car. Dealers don’t give you what it’s worth, so sister really really lowballed you.
Unfortunately my family has always been my weak spot. I have an unreasonable amount of loyality and desire to do right by them. I won’t go into the specifics as to why but we’ve been through a lot of shitty situations. Sadly I don’t believe my loyality is reciprocated, my siblings often only contact me when they want money. My sister was never one of them though so I afforded her the benefit of the doubt and put it down to my BIL.
ESH. Your sister pressured you and you agreed, and then you went back on your word. That makes you look like an untrustworthy AH.
Your mistake was not qualifying the “promise” with “unless I get a better offer”. Did they also realize that insurance and upkeep on that BMW could be very expensive? You could use that argument about not selling it to them and say you were doing them a favor.
PS Your question was: ”
AITA for turning down my BIL offer toAITA for turning down my BIL offer to buy my car for a better deal?”
That’s not what you did. You didn’t turn them down. You accepted their offer and then sold it for a better price to a dealership. So, YTA for how you frame the question.
ESH.
She shouldn’t have guilt tripped you.
You shouldn’t have caved.
You shouldn’t go back on your word.
BIL shouldn’t be letting/forcing his wife to be his personal chauffeur.
>They also had more than enough budget to get a brand new decent car
WTF… so they’re in this situation of *needing* “to get my BIL back on the road with a decent motor.” and they have the means to do so, but just haven’t done it?
ESH.
You were never entitled to sell them the car, but once you said you’d accept their offer and went back on it, you turned into an AH as well.
I totally understand your POV, and dealing with family that puts the emotional thumbscrews on like that sucks. You’re not a bad person for doing what you did, but they are also not wrong for being angry about you canceling what they thought was a done deal.
YTA. If the offer from your sister and BIL was too low you shouldn’t have accepted it in the first place and you definitely should have called them and let them know you were negating on the offer before you did it.
I personally don’t think your sister and BIL are TA for low balling you, they offered you what they could and you agreed, you didn’t have to. If you had told them their offer was too low they could have been looking elsewhere, but instead they waited on the agreement they would be getting your car.
You’re wrong on all accounts unfortunately and I’m not surprised your family are mad with you
Esh