Tldr – my girlfriend blasted music I don’t like on a long road trip. I compromised and turned it down to a reasonable level. We argued.
For context, we went on a little road trip over the weekend to hang out with some of my girlfriend’s coworkers. As we’re starting our 3 hour trip back home… we’re driving her car (I’m driving, she’s passenger) she starts blasting country music as we’re getting on the highway. I mean LOUD. All the way up, so her doors are rattling. She knows I’m not the biggest fan of country (I like some of it) – and I’m definitely not in the mood to blast country music for 3 hours my God.
I quickly turn it down to a reasonable level. I don’t turn it off, and to be honest, it was still kinda loud so you can feel the beat and hear the lyrics over the road noise – but it’s not full blast like it originally was. It was a solid 7/10 on the loudness scale. I wasn’t even being an asshole about it. I just calmly turned it down a few notches and said nothing. Then we immediately got into an argument about it. I thought I was being pretty fair though?
\– My argument: I’m not in the mood to listen to insanely loud music, let alone from a genre that’s not my favorite. However, I’m not a complete dickhead, so I’ll tolerate it if you want to compromise and just listen to it at a reasonable level. We’re both in the car on a long drive home, let’s pace ourselves and be respectful neighbors. I would have preferred to not listen to it at all, but I want to compromise. It was still plenty loud enough to enjoy. Seems fair, right? Why would you want to make any passenger in your car uncomfortable, especially on a long-ish road trip?
\– Her argument: Since it’s her car, she makes the rules. Therefore, she’s allowed to blast music as loud as she wants – even at the detriment to her passengers. And I’m being a rude party pooper by turning it down to a reasonable level.
I’m not kidding. That was literally her reasoning. She was dead serious and pretty pissed. And no, we’re not teenagers – we’re both full grown ass adults.
I know this is petty….but it really took me back. My girlfriend is usually a VERY polite, thoughtful and kind person. At first I felt like this was either a joke….or I don’t know her as well as I thought I did.
And I’m always very polite with my passengers in this regard. I drive safer because their lives are in my hands, I make sure the temperature is good, etc. And If I turn on music, I’ll usually keep it really low so it’s not distracting…and normally ask if they’d like to listen to anything else or if this is fine. That’s what I was taught and how I’ve handled my passenger etiquette my entire life. Her argument about it being her car and doing whatever she wanted while I was in the car seems a little…..childish? 🤷🏻♂️
NTA. Making me listen to music I hate is like forcing me to eat food I don’t like. She can blast her music all she wants when you’re not in the car. Otherwise, she should show some consideration.
NTA – even if it was music I liked, I don’t want to have the doors rattling or my eardrums battered.
Nta. Music can be torture if it’s too loud.
I get overstimulated and headache if theres loud Music. She’s being a giant Ah
Music that loud is also distracting for the driver. NTA. Doesn’t matter whose car, driver gets a say in the music volume. And if it’s a road trip, the volume should be a compromise between all car occupants. Your gf is being TA.
Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cake hole.
NTA
NTA- hearing loss is forever
No, without it being your like or dislike…. It will eventually hurt your hearing.
Driver gets to pick the music. If she wants to listen to country music loud enough to burst an eardrum, she needs to use headphones.
NTA. Driver chooses the music and the volume. She’s the AH. Doesn’t matter who owns the car.
NTA. I use the phrase from Supernatural, “driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole.” 😂 The driver is in control of the music and I always tell my passengers if they don’t like it, we can skip the song or find something we both enjoy. I only ever “blast” my music when I’m alone. It just seems like the right thing to do. I’m also 37 so…
My first thought is hearing loss. That’s unhinged. “Hey it’s my car and if I want to damage your hearing with no warning, that’s my prerogative.” Maybe the reason she had the volume so damn high is due to her already damaging her hearing and not realizing how loud it actually is.
Driver’s preference takes priority even over the car owner when it’s an issue of safety. But even if your girlfriend was driving and she wanted to blast the stereo it would be rude of her to do so at the passengers’ extreme discomfort. Your compromise was reasonable.
NTA ~ You don’t know her as well as you thought.
I dated a guy years ago, who was a smoker. We went somewhere in my truck. I asked him not to smoke in the truck. I said we could stop anytime for his smoke break. He got upset, and said I was rude, because he’s the “guest”. Uh, no. (Still didn’t let him smoke inside). We didn’t date very much longer after that.
And as you’ve found out, a really good way of getting to know someone, is to *Travel* with them. 😉
NTA – As Dean (Supernatural) says… Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts their cakehole.