I (F. 37) and my partner (m, 39) have been together for 13 years and we have a 4 year old daughter.
My partner had had a (bad) cold for the past 4-5 days and has had trouble sleeping because of it, mostly the falling asleep part is what has been the issue. He also works in shifts, and had to work an early shift in the weekend, and had 2 evening shifts after that, where he is home by10:30pm.
Yesterday, he took our daughter to school (starts 8:30am) because I had to work. My job requires me to be in the office at 7:30, but I have an agreement with my boss that on the days I have to take my daughter to school, it’s okay to come if after because I start working from home before I take her to school. I have to take my laptop home with me, not something I do by default, only when I know it’ll be necessary.
So, yesterday my partner had a late shift and would have the day to himself, he will start a night shift tonight, so he had the opportunity to take daughter to school. We discussed this and both agreed on this, he would take her to school.
But our daughter woke up around 1 am last night and when I went to her room, I decided it was best if she came into bed with us, something that sometimes happens when she wakes up, this way we usually get back to sleep fastest.
When we came into the bedroom, my partner got up and left the room because he was still awake, wasn’t able to get to sleep yet. I heard him say: I haven’t slept yet, I cant handle this now. So I said: I understand, are you going to her room? And he confirmed.
So this morning, I got up, and got ready for work. Got my daughter ready too, getting dressed and giving her breakfast so my partner could stay in bed as long as possible before I had to leave for work. So time comes, and we go to wake him up. And he got mad for waking him up, saying that I agreed to take her to school so he could sleep in. I honestly have no recollection of this. It was also an issue, because I didnt have my laptop at home so I wasn’t able to start my work from home.
I said okay fine, It’ll take her and went back doenstairs.
But by this time, he was pretty much awake so he called me, he said he’d do it.
I explained that I honestly have no recollection of saying that i would take her to school (I was being woken abruptly at 1am, so pretty groggy from being asleep) and he keeps claiming that I did.
I honestly dont remember this. AITA for waking my partner to take our daughter to school?
Edit: updated term boyfriend to partner
NTA.
You both already agreed beforehand that your bf would take your daughter to school. He claims you changed that plan at 1am when you were half asleep, and you genuinely don’t remember saying that. If it were me, I would always double check something like this in the morning when everyone is awake and clearheaded. I think it was really nice of you to get your daughter ready so he could sleep longer. But I really think he should have still tried to help cause he was free that morning whereas you had work. Tbh your boyfriend sounds exhausted and cranky and that’s probably how this miscommunication happened. Best to come up with some strategy like double checking in the morning and not sticking to something someone may have said late at night.
Thank you, I agree with you that he probably reacted this way because of him being tired of being sick and tired, but him being this upset surprised me.
NTA. It’s a misunderstanding. It happens. Shouldn’t be a big deal
NAH, unless you are grossly understating this argument, this seems like just a minor disagreement between two people who are both really bloody busy. Perhaps he said something, perhaps he did not, perhaps one of you was just remembering from another time. It doesn’t seem like something worth lingering on.
Replace “boyfriend” with “her father”. In this situation he’s not just your SO he’s HER DAD.
NTA. Moms carry on in the universe every day exhausted with no sleep and less sanity. Dad can suck it up and show up.
No he’s the AH child care and work takes precedence over rest at all times.
Make it known to your boyfriend you can only drive her to school if you have your work laptop to start on time .
NAH but if he’s sick and not sleeping well and still having to work, it might have been better to bring the laptop home with you just in case it was needed.
I think that’ll be my m.o. from now on
If you said you’d take her you shouldn’t have woken him. If you didn’t you should have. The fact that we don’t know makes it impossible to judge.
Unless one of you got really upset, neither one is TA. Sounds like a misunderstanding, and you both said nevermind I’ll take her. Honestly, this sounds like something that happens in life all the time, whether it be married, roommates, coworkers. Unless I missed something.
NTA he is her father and he should’ve had his alarm set for himself to wake up to take her.
You shouldn’t have had to wake him up.
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You have two options, either you said it and you don’t remember or he’s gaslighting you
NTA.
Unfortunately, as a parent, you can’t just turn the kid off when you feel sick or are exhausted. You also both have work responsibilities that need to be met. Sounds like you are doing the best you can to balance.
People aren’t perfect and it sounds like maybe your SO reacted poorly when he was first woken up, but then rethought as his brain kicked into gear. After all, he did catch you and take your daughter to school.
YWBTA if you don’t let this go.