AITAH for telling my mum to stop sleeping in my bed when I stay at my boyfriend’s?
I (23F) live at home with my parents and younger sibling. I’ve just graduated and work full time. I don’t pay rent, but I regularly pay for groceries and help by driving my sibling to school and activities. They will not accept rent off me as they want me to save to get my own place which I appreciate.
Sometimes during the week I stay at my boyfriend’s house for one or two nights. When I do, my mum sleeps in my bed because she says it’s more comfortable than hers.
I’ve told her multiple times this makes me uncomfortable because my bed and room are my private space. She shuts me down and says that if I’m not there, my bed is basically a “spare.” I would like my bed to be respected as my own private space.
This keeps causing arguments. I feel like I’m setting a reasonable boundary, but she thinks I’m being dramatic and ungrateful since I live at home.
AITAH for insisting she doesn’t sleep in my bed?
NTA You have two choices..
1. Stop sleeping at your boyfriend‘s house so your mother cannot take over your bed.
2. Time to take your bed and move out to your own place.
You cannot control what your mother does when you’re not there. I doubt that putting a lock on your bedroom door would stop her.
I’d go petty here and fight dirty since her mom won’t respect her request.
Buy sex toy, cover sex toy in lube, leave it with a pair of underwear under the sheets for mom to bump into as she slides into the bed.
Bet that ick factor makes mom feel A LOT less comfortable in her daughter’s bed!
The OP is definitely NTA, and the mom doesn’t understand boundaries. Make the mom rethink that hopefully.
NTA and I don’t agree with the Y T A voters. It is your space. That you graduated and are now working and maybe should be paying rent is a separate issue. Until that time, it’s your space and your bed.
Does she change the sheets after? Or is it expected that you lie in her leftover sweat and possible drool?
Your mother has respect issues. You can try getting a lock for your room, but I have the feeling it will only enrage her more. Ask her why she is really doing this. Does dad snore? Steal the blankets? Be abusive? Mom are you ok? Is the marriage OK? Tell her you feel disrespected. At your age the parent/child relationship needs to change to one of mutual respect and a friendship. This can be hard for many parents.
NTA
It’s also very weird and a bit ick.
I think I maybe in the minority who think that this is extremely unhygienic unless you are changing the sheets everyday. It’s different with a partner but other people I feel is just unhygienic because of dead skin and hairs.
Remove your sheets before you go to your boyfriend. This is not about paying rent or not, it’s your personal space. Take your personal care stuff with you.
NTA. Everyone in the comments saying YTA and you need to move out are absolutely insane. Unless your parents have formally kicked you out then it’s not a spare room, it’s yours. What’s even happening in these comments. It’s weird asf to have someone in your room touching your things and sleeping in your bed when your not there. Doesn’t matter who it is or who you pay rent to.
There’s so many people on Reddit that are so weird about people who still live with their parents after turning 18, especially if they don’t pay rent. All of a sudden you’re this horrible leech and your parents can do whatever they want to you. Only the power of rent and being a tenant can keep your parents from stomping over your boundaries in your own home.
Crazy because if she was a teenager this would be even weirder like?
Well, you see, you only deserve privacy and respect if you’re a minor or if you’re an adult who pays rent. If you’re an adult who doesn’t pay rent, you’re garbage
A lot of Redditors have some real contempt for young adults. Not fully independent living on your own? You don’t deserve to be treated like a human, apparently.
NTA but you may not be able to stop her.
Just as a thought… it may be bigger than just a comfort thing. My mom did this same thing when she was preparing to divorce my dad but wasn’t ready to tell me that yet.
Be careful here OP, the ones giving TA verdict are estranged from their children. In other words, their children ran for the hills the moment they could.
NTA. It’s your space and you seem to be pulling your weight in other areas so mum should ease off a little bit and respect you more.
NTA
All the Y T A responses are wild. The mom goes into OP’s room and doesn’t change the sheets, moves OP’s stuff around, gets into OP’s makeup, and is violating her privacy. OP is an adult, contributes to the household, and deserves privacy.