My husband had a super emotional and flirty, romantic relationship with at least one of the girls that he follows on IG. This particular example I know about because I see that he likes a LOT of her pictures, so I asked how he knows her and he told me this. (He slid into her DMs on IG about two years ago. She’s out-of-state so they had a sort-of romantic cyber thing that went on for awhile that just grew distant after several months, and then the flame just sort of died out once we got pregnant with the triplets. BTW I gave birth to our triplets in June, and we got married in September of this year.) He said that they still talk from time to time on Instagram. He won’t share what about (obviously). And he won’t unfollow her “because I keep asking”. He keeps saying “he will” since yesterday evening when I brought it up. I brought it up multiple times today because he wants to act like everything is normal between us, but I can’t. I feel hidden (he doesn’t have one post or story of me or the kids on his IG where all his flirty girls are), and I feel like he’s keeping this girl on standby (she doesn’t know that he has a wife and kids, he confirmed). And most importantly, I feel like he’s not respecting my boundary.
Am I wrong? He says that they’re just friends now, but does she think that? She doesn’t even know about me.
He says I’m being insecure, annoying, and ridiculous because they never even met in person. And he doesn’t want to feel controlled.
You guys think he’ll really unfollow her or he’s waiting for me to let it go?
Need to just hear as many opinions as I can! Please
When my husband asked me to be his gf my response was “I would like that, but I’m weirded out by a few things. One of them being the number of women in your orbit. If they’re really good friends, friends’ partners or family I completely understand keeping them on social media, but thirst traps and random women who have been romantically interested in you or vice versa – I do not understand why a person would risk complicating their relationship by keeping those people in orbit. I find it weird and a tad disrespectful when a guy does that. If that’s something you feel strongly opposed to – no problem, we just aren’t compatible and I wish you the best. This is something I won’t compromise on though.”
He deleted all of those women who weren’t close friends, friends’ partners or family that same night.
Info: was he messaging this woman while you two were already together/married? Was this something you were ok with beforehand?
Oh my dear, you’re only an AH to yourself. He is total AH all the way!!!!!
why are you having triplets with this man??? 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Spontaneous triplets and an unplanned pregnancy -… and yeah, I was stupid.
NTA honey!! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hate to say this but… He doesn’t love you. It’s time for you to move on. I know it’s very difficult with kids but if you can, you need to leave. He will never change and will always have secret girls in his DM’s
NTA but you really should get therapy as to why you would accept this behaviour, let alone marry and have children with him, it is not okay!
NTA. What he is doing it’s awful. This type of behavior is common in insecure men who need the validation. If he loves you and is already aware that it bothers you, that it HURTS you (whenever if he empathize or not), he would stop. Period. It is not a matter of what’s right or wrong, it’s a matter of protecting the relationship over other relationships. You’re not being toxic over being jealous of a friendship, you’re reacting to a relationship that shouldn’t keep going (online still counts), because he is married to you.
Honestly? This is the stuff that damage relationship permanently. Seems small, little, but it will pile up until it blows. I can’t even imagine tolerating something like this with my husband. I would never even date a man who openly flirts with other women. This is disrespectful and I’m angry on your behalf already.
My ex husband did and said the exact same things, he never stopped, just got better at hiding it. Every time I found out he’d find others way to hide it all. New accounts, secret apps, etc.
2 pregnancies and almost 12 years later, after empty promises, we separated. He already confessed one of the do NOT know about you or about his children, red flag!
Marriage and kids WILL NOT change a man, he’ll only stop when he wants to; and that’s only if he wants to.
Save yourself the heart break, get out.
He’s not going to stop, or unfollow, because you’ve shown him despite it, you’re going to stick around, hoping he will. Until you put your foot down and take action, he’s going to do as he pleases at your expense.
NTA. the part that stands out for me is that he’s communicating with her but he’s keeping his marriage a secrete. When people are friends they share information about their lives.
Also a boundary isn’t something that someone else has to do something but rather it’s you yourself. So the boundary would be that you won’t be in a relationship with someone who cyber cheats, not, my partner can’t follow people on IG
If he wants to cheat on you, unfollowing the accounts isn’t going to stop him.
But also, this man sounds like an arse.
NTA, but why was this still a thing in the first place? You deserve better OP!
You said you want lots of opinions but my guess is that you’re going to get different shades of the same answer. You’re NTA for wanting him to stop following these women. And a real man would. He would take the opportunity to choose you and fall in love with this beautiful family of his. Because having and keeping are not the same thing.
But he’s not going to do that. And you know that because he’s keeping people in the dark. They don’t know the truth. He isn’t telling you the truth. Why wouldn’t he put you all on his IG? Because it would ruin the image he has curated of himself online and it’s not as a committed family man.
I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. You have enough on your plate as it is without having to deal with an immature partner. Find a good counselor. Be kind to yourself. Love on your beautiful babies. And be prepared to kick him to the curb if he refuses to respect you.