I 30m moved about 3 hours away from my family to live with my gf. My mom had just passed and so family from all over came in for the funeral. My gf could only get one day off so we drove back home afterwards. I tell her I am going to drive back down to spend some more time with family before they fly back and then spend some time with friends the day after and drive up afterwards. My gf gets upset because we have multiple dogs and they can be a handful by yourself. We get into an argument and she sats bereavement isn’t to spend time with friends. AITA for just wanting to spend time with family and see friends during this hard time.
NTA. Why does she not have any empathy for you? For many people, friends *are* family. Regardless of your loss, you should be able to spend time with friends if you want to.
NTA. Thats actually what bereavement is for. Go be with your tribe.
NTA she sounds controlling and just doesn’t want you hanging out with your friends
My condolences.
No. Your mom passed away. You are allowed to mourn in whatever way you like. If you feel more comfortable with friends, that should be fine.
The purpose of bereavement leave is to allow you time to grieve with family and friends, and to manage the tasks associated with death. Spending time with friends and family is expected. If she is not supporting you through this difficult time, you need to consider what the future will look like with her. NTA
NTA. Your mom just died. Is your gf always this insensitive and thoughtless?
Bereavement is exactly the time to spend being with friends and family.
If you can board the dogs or at least get a dog walker, maybe that would help but it’s on your gf to arrange that. You are grieving.
My condolences for your loss.
NTA. That’s EXACTLY what bereavement time is – to greive with family and friends. Your MOM JUST DIED. Your girlfriend needs to get her head in order. Maybe she can have a local friend come help her while you’re out.
NTA Your girlfriend is though.
And please accept my condolences. It’s a tough time and your girlfriend being a female dog isn’t helpful.
She is not a keeper.
NTA When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. Op, your girlfriend sounds controlling. This will only get worse, get out now before it’s too late.
NTA. Being with your people after a funeral / death is very important, at least it has been in my life. Sharing memories, tears and laughter is cathartic. I can tell you that in my husband’s family they did not share time together after and the family is fractured, never to be repaired.
In mine own family we always gathered at someone’s house immediately after, after viewing and funeral. I have now lose a significant amount of immediate family and feel much better about some than others, and the others were the ones were no family / friends gathered.
Maybe your gf has not had significant loss at an older age, and doesn’t understand. I get that the pets might be hard, but a day or two dealing with them alone won’t kill her. Take one out at a time. Ask a local friend for help. But please grieve this as you need to do, or you will resent her.
NTA. Is she normally selfish and unsupportive? You should absolutely go back and spend time with whomever you choose. Furthermore, she was, I’m guessing, a willing participant when getting the dogs so she is responsible and, I’m sure, more than capable to manage them for a couple of days without you. Don’t let the dogs or her disgusting selfishness deter you from grieving your way.
NTA
Bereavement time is to be spend however the survivors see fit. If you want to spend time with friends and family DO IT.
I personally however, would NOT bring her even if it were an option.There’s is no place for lack of empathy during this time in your life.
This is RED FLAG behavior in my opinion. I definitely would be rethinking this relationship.
I sent bowling after my mom’s service with friends who had traveled to support me. It was exactly the right distraction I needed to give my eyes a chance to stop crying and to clear up brain fog by giving me something else ro focus on. Everyone grieves differently and self care is necessary.
You guys should not have so many animals that its too much for one person. If she truly can’t handle it, she needs to find anyone else to give her a hand.
Absolutely NTA.