Any spelling errors, I’m dyslexic and trying to type this quickly:)!
So I (18f) live with my parents (55m) and (54f). Now they both like a drink; that’s fine. However, when my dad drinks, he doesn’t know when he’s wrong. When he’s drunk he likes to play loud music, sing along to it, my parents argue etc, during the hours of like 2-5am, this usually wakes me up, such as today, this has been happening more and more frequently.
I wake up at 3am, I phone him, he turns it down, and I try to go back to sleep. He and my mum come up stairs the light in the hallway, I can hear them talk in the next room and I keep trying to sleep (this is where I would say I’m kinda being a bitch, however, I’m tired and I’ve had a VERY busy week) then I just go “shut upp omg please” then my dad is lol “what” he gets annoyed then an argument starts. I tell him I’m sick and tired of being woken up by this music and his singing and etc.
He’s saying I’m being unreasonable, that it’s his house he’ll do what he wants, I’m crying because I’m so stressed and upset. To me, I just want to sleep without being woken up by his stuff. He’s saying I have no respect etc. I’m saying I just want him to go to bed at a reasonable hour because I’m being woken up more and more frequently then at one point moving out is mentioned and he’s saying he wants me out of the house. I’m saying “I’m not moving out.” I don’t have a job it’s extremely difficult to find a job at my age, and I also don’t have time because of college and other stuff I do.
I call my friend I explain what’s happening, I talk to him for a while then I’m able to go to sleep for an extra hour.
I wake up. I start getting ready for college and he starts an argument saying that again I lack respect, he wants me out and he’s basically repeating what was said earlier.
I am aware that I shouldn’t have told him to shut up, however, it was frustrating as he’s aware of the busy week I’ve got coming up for college rehearsal, and I also had another show last weekend along with other stuff.
So, am I the asshole?
NTA. Being woken up repeatedly at 2–5am isn’t normal, and wanting basic sleep isn’t disrespectful.
It might be hard, but maybe try having a calm conversation with your dad when he’s sober.
Sleep deprivation is a type of abuse.
NTA your dad is alcohol and keeps you awake
NTA. I don’t care who’s house it is, playing loud music while sleeping or arguing loudly is an asshole move.
That being said, just because you are in the right doesn’t mean things will get better on their own. I’d highly suggest to start planning on how to get out now for when your dad kicks you out (assuming he’s backing down this time).
NTA
Try talking to your mum about it. Try talking to him when he’s calmed down. You might have to move out to a dorm or something cheap. It sounds super annoying and while telling someone to shut up is impolite, it sounds like you were in a shitty position. Sleep is super important
Waking someone up at 2-5am when you know for sure they have a lot of responsibilities the next day and have to wake up early is the impolite thing. The shut up is a consequence of that.
Just like I’d tell someone to F off if they took food from my plate during dinner. It’s not me being impolite, it’s your shitty actions triggering me.
i don’t know where you are from but afaik most places love hiring young college students. you can definitely find a job as a waitress
NTA – but there is not much you can do and it won’t change either. I moved out when I was 18, then had noisy neighbors. People seem to be just loud. Earplugs are your friends.
NTA. Your dad sure is but it is not gonna get better. Idk what to tell you to do, he is not going to stop so you will have to figure something out.
honestly sounds like one of those situations where everyone was already tired and it escalated. i get why he didnt like being told to “shut up”, but also being woken up at 3–4am by music would push alot of ppl over the edge too. prob less abt respect and more abt everyone being stressed in the moment tbh. maybe its easier to talk abt it later when nobody’s sleep deprived.
You can find a job.
NTA. But you should seriously consider the fact that your dad is almost definitely an alcoholic. You’ve mentioned the thing he likes to do late at night when he’s drunk, which implies a long-term pattern. First, you need to find an alternative to your current living situation, just in case he does suddenly kick you out one of these days. Then try to talk to him about what you said when he’s calmer and sober.
Lastly, does your mother do the same? Because I was going to suggest bringing up concerns about his alcohol habits with her, but if she’s also drinking at 3am and playing loud music they’re always going to enable one another.