Ok this is a completely minor issue but I have this friend from school who I’ve hung out with maybe 5-10 times over the last year. One of our first hangs was this time last year when she invited me over for Friendsgiving since we were both going to be alone that day and instead we ended up having a nice meal together. We both agreed then that if we would be willing to do it again the following year (this year), if our schedules allowed.
Now throughout our hangs we have each brought up this Friendsgiving and our future plans for it. At our last hang she mentioned that she had been invited by her boss to their thanksgiving and she was considering going. I suggested to her that she could make time for both dinners, but assured her she wasn’t obligated to attend either. (I feel like this was her way of foreshadowing that she was going to cancel).
So now two weeks ago I reached out to her to confirm whether she wanted to do thanksgiving the day of or another day. She replied that any day worked for her and that she would be available the day of. I suggested we do friendsgiving the day of in that case.
Now this week she texted me saying that she’s actually going to the thanksgiving parade and will be “too tired” after to do anything and asked if we could reschedule for Wednesday (I’m working that day) or Friday.
Now here is where I may become the asshole- I have no plans for Friday or that weekend, but I just felt like it wasn’t very nice for her to At the last minute (granted-a week ahead of time) back out.
I lied and said I have plans on Friday and am unavailable but suggested that we rain check and try another time. She never suggested another time and was like “I’m so sorry I forgot about those plans definitely we can rain check. Have a good weekend” which I felt was a little dismissive since she didn’t initiate a new date for plans, but maybe that’s just me.
I don’t know why but I just feel a little hurt, betrayed, and jealous. She’s an otherwise good friend and I have flaked on her before, unfortunately (I’m human too).
I guess I just feel like an asshole since I’m not willing to be flexible and even further kind of feeling like I want to avoid making any plans with her in the future, which I know is irrational but that’s just how I feel.
Anyways- AITA?
TLDR: my friend wants to reschedule Friendsgiving, and even though I’m available on other days, I’m feeling betrayed and want to just cancel the whole affair altogether.
Thanks in advance for your input!
She canceled a week ahead of time, but it was the last minute? That right there is enough for me to say that YTA because if you don’t see how stupid that sounds then this can’t be anybody’s fault but yours.
yta and one of those people who acts like a perpetual victim. one week ahead is not last minute either.
Why the drama? Just reschedule to meet on friday. It’s not short notice really. Sure she could have mentioned it earlier i guess but so what. Let her have fun with the bosses’ party. Are you upset to be alone at Thanksgiving, is that it?
NAH. Everyone flakes sometimes and, like you said, she’s an otherwise good friend. Sometimes we don’t know that we’ll be as tired as we are until the event approaches. I think you’re making too big a deal out of this. Shit happens, schedules change, and energy can only be allotted for so many things. She was apologetic and asked to rain check, indicating that she’s still interested and not just trying to blow you off.
I don’t understand this difference between this and the times that you claim to have flaked too?
YTA. She gave you notice and suggested 2 alternative days but you were butthurt and rainchecked – which of itself is fine but then youre hurt she doesn’t give you more days to choose from? What, you want her to grovel and cater to your every whim? She gave you alternative days, if they dont work then you come back with other days that work for you. She didn’t cancel day of, and if only 2 people I cant see a whole lot of food waste.
If you dont wanna reschedule, thats fine as well. But feels like youre taking out your feelings on her for no good reason and being petty.
NAH verging on light YTA. She asked to reschedule – fine. You said no — fine. I’m not sure why you’re hurt/betrayed at that point since she did suggest an alternative date, and you declined it. You have flaked on her before so your attitude is a little bit unfair/counterproductive.
YTA, you are being a hypocrite OP. You’ve flaked on her before, you had a weeks notice. You should have accepted the Friday instead of being butt hurt about it. Also when you declined your friends alternative dates, it was on you to suggest other times not on her to keep begging you.
YTA. You have added way to much of your own narrative to the situation and you have no idea if any of it is real.
A week before is NOT last minute. If you have these kind of high expectations, expect to be disappointed a lot.
‘Cancelled at the last minute a WEEK BEFORE’ is craaaazy work. YTA, my goodness you made a mountain out of a molehill.
YTA. I think you are maybe projecting some emotions onto her in a way that isn’t fair.
This is clearly a friend who is invested in you and wants to spend time with you. Inviting you, especially early on in your friendship, for a friendsgiving together is the actions of a warm, kindhearted person.
The holiday is a busy, stressful time of year, and I think it’s probably likely that she genuinely feels a bit overwhelmed at the idea of two thanksgiving plans in one day- which you literally encouraged- and felt she was being courteous by re-arranging a week in advance (which most people would consider a lot of notice given that the plan was made only a week prior).
You are perceiving her not suggesting an alternate date as dismissive- but remember that she originally made her whole week available to you, and then suggested two alternative dates which you were not free for. At that point, she probably felt you were busier than her, and was waiting for you to suggest dates.
I do get feeling hurt- but this is a friend who genuinely does seem invested. Don’t lose out on her because of a misunderstanding
YTA. It sounds like you’re throwing a temper tantrum instead of just having your Friendsgiving 24hrs later. You’re upset about a situation you’ve concocted, I don’t get it.
YTA, You definitely implied you were open to having dinner another day, have the availability to do it another day, and still want act like you have been betrayed because you don’t think over a week’s notice is enough to reschedule.
YTA. A week ahead of time is plenty of notice that plans are changing, especially around the holidays where things are chaotic. Maybe she only just had a moment to really think about how trying to attend both thanksgivings will be too much for one day and, upon realizing that, decided she’d ask her friend if you can reschedule since she can’t reschedule a parade.
Also she offered two alternate dates that you said no to. If I was scheduling with someone and they offered two dates I said no to, I’d offer the next dates instead of expecting them to keep guessing blindly, and I especially wouldn’t say “nah let’s rain check” if I wanted them to toss more dates out.
YTA. She was trying to figure out plans and days and going back and forth with you already. It wasn’t last minute, it was a week before asking for a date change. You completely shot her down by lying about being busy. She’s right to stop asking as she knows you’re not interested now. You did it to yourself.