Me and my girlfriend have been playing a lot of quiz-type games online recently and we have both enjoyed it a lot. So, we do it sitting side by side, me holding the laptop, not playing against each other but working as a team solving the same quiz.
One small issue i’ve had is that since i’m the one typing and picking the answers i often don’t have the time to read the next question before she already has the answer ready. My solution for those situations is that she would wait a moment for me to read the next one before saying it out loud. I expained that it makes me feel less included when i’m just typing the answers she gives. She agrees every time but it kept happening and i kept reminding her. I don’t think she does it with bad intentions or anything.
Then two days ago we played again and again asked her when it happened and she said "okay, sorry". Not more than few minutes later it happened again and i got frustrated and picked the wrong answer intentionally. It’s childish and dumb but i was upset asking the same, in my view, small thing again and again.
She got quiet and visibly bothered so after a short while we talked about a bit. I explained to her again why i ask her to do it, how it doesn’t feel like i’m participating and if thats what she wants, it’s as if she is playing alone and she responded saying "i would prefer to play alone".
That hurt my feelings because it’s something we do together and I thought we are both enjoying it so i said out of hurt and anger "you just want to flex on me by answering".
After, she has pretty much refused to talk to me, locked herself in the room, blocked me on whatsapp and ig for a night when I tried to call her, told me I was cruel and she didnt do anything wrong. I tried telling her that we both said something that hurt our feelings so we should both apologize. She refused. I still apologized saying I was sorry anddidn’t mean what i said but things just got worse.
She says she means what she said by saying she prefers to play alone and says she cannot understand why it hurt me.
I really don’t know what to do now. Am i the asshole? Is this really all my fault?
EDIT: on Sporcle where we play a lot of the quizzes are in a format where all the questions or hints are visible from the start and you can pick which ones to answer
ESH. How would typing or clicking stop you from reading when I’m assuming it only pops up after you’ve hit enter? She is either faster or smarter than you and it bothers you. You hit the wrong answer on purpose. She got pissed and said she would rather play alone. Which is probably true. Then you admitted it feels like she’s “flexing” on you. Which she maybe is but it’s also you admitting you’re insecure because she’s better at the game? Apologize to each other and play by yourselves. You slow her down and then complain about it. She could probably play at your speed but she doesn’t find that fun so she continues to do something you find annoying (or are embarrassed by?) ESH.
As a person who isn’t so competitive- I feel for you – sometimes you want to participate with peeps and enjoy talking about an answer. If she’s a competitive person she might not really care how slow you are bc it’s about the win. Some people aren’t competitive and some people are. I didn’t play quiz games with my friend but we’d play smash – I’m not a gamer but she wanted someone to play with on her switch so she taught me the game and then would beat me every time and taunt me, and it got a bit annoying. Maybe you guys need a different game. A game with two people- that help each other with teamwork.
Maybe play Fireboy and Watergirl if you know what it is – it may be juvenile but it’s fun. Or play uno.
How old are these children?
You could agree that you take turns reading the questions / typing the answers. That’s legit fair.
NTA.
Once is an accident. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a pattern.
She knows exactly what she’s doing and to throw a tantrum about it is really immature behaviour.
Make her hold the laptop and she has to wait until you answer now
If you can’t figure this out, you two are doomed when a real issue comes up.
ESH
There’s a really easy solution here….
Both of you need to GROW. THE. FUCK. UP.
Why don’t you both play separately on your own respective laptops and then see who finishes first?
Because it’s about doing things together. We have enough time to do things apart since we are in LDR.
You’re both immature AHs
Yk I agree with the immature part but I don’t really think OP is an AH. It sounds to me that the most AHish behavior he displayed, he apologized for and owned up to pretty quickly.
NTA. It sounds like she would prefer to play alone for whatever reason and instead of being mature and finding something else for you to do together she was sabotaging it. Don’t do it together anymore find something else.
ESH, but I will say, I think you might just be a bit too sensitive, whereas I think she is insanely immature. I get that it hurts your feelings that she’d rather be smarter and finish faster than spend time with you, I could see how that could be hurtful, but there is a super easy solution. Do other things together. You find something else that’s fun to do, and you’ll feel a lot better, and realize that this is truly not a big deal at all.
However, her reaction shows me, at least, that no matter what other fun things you do, it will be similar to this. Blocking you, and refusing to acknowledge you because you said something rude, despite the fact that I’m assuming you made multiple genuine attempts to apologize, is high school behavior. Insanely immature, and holding grudges for multiple days on someone you’re supposed to love, or at the very least respect, care for, and enjoy being around, over something that ridiculously small, is borderline selfish, and insanely immature and self centered. What happened between you guys is truly not a big deal, you overreacted, and she took it to another level. It sounds to me like you need to grow some thicker skin, and she needs to do A TON of growing up.
Edit: you should make it known your post that your in a LDR. I totally missed that, and saw that in a comment. That does change it a bit. I’m also in an LDR, and I totally understand the feeling of being hurt, when your partner doesn’t want to do something with you, because of how little time you’re already spending together. I no longer think you’re sensitive. She totally is the AH, NTA at all.