I just moved states after leaving a bad relationship. As a queer person I download a queer app to try to meet people as I am starting over. One guy and I go to texts as they were able to hold a conversation and seemed normal. We do not talk for several days after I dodge meeting them earlier in the week due to them wanting to take a several hour long bus ride to my friend’s place I am staying at. I just did not think this was an appropriate thing to do as I am temporarily staying with my friend and this person was seemingly wanting to come to her house for our first meeting. He messages me at 7:45am: “hi.” I shoot him back a “hey how’s it going?” Person immediately complains “eh I’m exhausted” and doesn’t reply back for a while after I ask “did something happen or is this like a baseline thing?” I don’t mind as I am making myself breakfast and I’m going about my day. Person responds after a decent delay to state that he lives with his grandfather and immediately complains further about his grandfather playing music. Person does not work and from what I understand from previous convos and lives there for free. I’m busy and am going to be looking for housing most of this day so I shoot back a simple “gotcha” as I don’t want to offend. Hours go by and he sends me another text message at 3:07pm. “I’ve been hanging out with. Friend of mine, sorry for not getting back to you.” I message back what I thought was a reasonable response, “it’s fine we weren’t really discussing much” as frankly we literally were not. We have not spoken for hours at that point. At 10:57pm as I am trying to sleep as my first day at my new job is today, I get a “I know that you probably didn’t intend to, but I felt hurt when you said we weren’t really discussing much. I was genuinely trying to maintain a conversation, but I am pretty socially awkward. I apologize if I’m texting too late, I don’t really know your schedule.” This message woke me up as I had sound on. I send him back “I’m going back to bed now. I’m confused how that sentence upset you as we literally were not in any conversational depth at that point as we were not talking for a few hours at that point.” I was hoping me being blunt would get the point across that I am confused and that it is 11pm in a work week. I get a “I was just trying to express my feelings. I don’t think that we would be a good fit as friends, but I hope you find somebody that works well with you. “ to this I’m just incredibly annoyed. I send him a “Yeah I really don’t want to be concerned over every message I send, thanks.“ Since I am hoping to make friends in this new area can you guys try to tell me AMITA? I will admit I was likely not going to continue talk to this guy unless I felt more comfortable in time but he seemed more odd than malicious. I still wouldn’t call him malicious by any means, I just can’t have a relationship where I am over stressing every message out of fear as this was a common theme in the relationship I just left.
Nobody cares
You could have done better with a couple of your texts.
When you wanted to sleep, you should have considered “what do i want from this interaction” not ” what do i want to say in this interaction”.
If what you wanted was to sleep, you should have just rolled over and texted back in the morning, or replied ‘soz im asleep, text tomorrow xo’ then moved phone to silent.
Nothing wrong with blocking him, it sounds like he was going to be a bit of effort, and you were getting annoyed with him throughout the day just from texts.
Strait(ish) female here – i remember dating one guy who insisted that females prefer to host males, because we’re more comfortable in our own spaces… when I told him this wasn’t true, he then backed down and admitted that I couldn’t come to his house for a night because he lived with his parents…
We’re not kids, we’re grown ups, and its nice to date other grown ups. This guy cant hold a job, pay rent, drive a car (assume) and complains about his grandpa who gives him free housing first thing in the morning? I wouldn’t be interested either.
NTA
ESH
NTA