I’ve been with my partner for more than 5 years and we are both corporate workers. We live together in the same house, he owns – I pay rent, food, and do all the chores. Not ideal but nothing gets done if I don’t do something. We also have a dog that we got early into the relationship. I do all the care for the dog including grooming, walking, socializing, and etc.
My partners best friend and I share a birthday a few days after new years. Everytime he’s in town in our city we celebrate together whether it’s going to a restaurant together or do something.
I’ve been asking my partner to go to Hawaii for the past four years. I know it’s stupid but I just want to go to Hawaii we’re able to afford it but my partner had a lot of work for the past few years that we couldn’t take a week off or anything to go travel. So we stuck to weekend trips to cities close to us or if my partner had a work trip (he worked on a start up that never set off with his friends) I’d come for a few days and explore the city- by myself.
We finally have about a week from Christmas to new years to go on a trip and I advocated for Hawaii. My partner and his friends made a separate decision that we’d be spending new years and my bday in New York City because that’s where my partners best friend lives.
I know it wasn’t the best plan of attack but this morning I woke up pretty pissed about literally doing everything my partner does in regards to going on trips so I texted our group chat with said friends saying that for planning purposes that I’m not going to be in the city but my partner will be.
Now my partner won’t come out of his room nor talk to me. I’m just pretty fed up and upset and don’t want to travel to a place I go frequently for my own work, and a place we were both literally just at a month ago.
AITA?
NTA. But the problem here is not the trip, it is the whole relationship. It’s super one-sided and it has been so for a long time so the dynamic won’t change.
Take your dog and leave the guy.
You’re with this guy why?
You pay rent for his house
You clean his house
You pay for food
You take care of the dog
Girl seriously? When are you going to lighten your load by about 200lbs?
Go to Hawaii – by your self. Think hard about what you get out of this relationship while you’re gone. Make some life changing New Year’s goals.
NTA,
**Your not a priority to him, your a convenience.**
You help pay his mortgage, you clean everything like a maid, and you take care of his dog.
He rather plan his free time around his best friend…
Please let that all sink in.
You fell into the trap But I have seen so many women fall into. You lead by example, hoping that he’ll see what a good partner you are and be so happy and content and return all your feelings in your hard work you have put into the relationship.
Instead, all you have done is made life so easy for him. Everything is curated around his wants and needs. He’s used to getting his way and now he’s throwing a tantrum.
**My advice is for you to go to Hawaii on your own.** Gey some distance from your partner and really think about your life situation and if this is what you want or of life.
My other piece of advice is that Hawaii is overrated… 😅 If you have a passport there’s lots of tropical places you can go that have better prices and are just as beautiful. But that’s just me, and that’s a side note.
RUN. You are his maid, pet sitter, lover, mother, etc. He is getting equity in HIS home. He cares more about his friends than you.
Take the dog, it’ll die (one way or another) without you. There are better partners out there. You are being used.
maam, do you even realize you’re nothing but a free maid in your bf’s eyes? you’re paying rent, cooking food and also doing all the chores and he does nothing because he owns the house? if i were you, i’d pack my shit and gtfo asap.
NTA But don’t go to Hawaii. Move out while he’s away. Find a place now. Move out while he’s gone. Take the dog. You don’t want pup being neglected.
Go to Hawaii or wherever once you’re on your own