I had a baby about a month ago. It was a traumatic c section, that during the time in the hospital multiple times my dad didn’t respond to my medical updates. Even freshly postpartum my dad would never initiate contact, his wife did one time in a month. I haven’t seen my dad in almost 5 years. I do talk to him on the phone for like 15 minutes once or twice a week.
His wife I can’t stand, but that’s a whole other story. He finally bought tickets to fly out to see me well mainly my baby since I have begged him to come visit for years. He can afford it and he works remotely/for himself. There also is a lot of history with my dad. Direct quote from my therapist he was so neglectful when I lived with him full time it was abuse. Now I’m in a really good spot, starting to feel like myself again, getting me and my baby on a good routine.
Would I be an asshole to tell them not to come when they are coming in about 2 weeks currently they just have flights not a hotel. I’m just not sure a photo op is worth my peace.
Edit: I think tomorrow I’m going to cancel with them. I also think writing this post and just thinking about how much harm my dad has caused me I’m going to stop trying to have a relationship with him. I tried so hard for 5 years, I think I’m done.
Honey, it’s your baby and your life. You can do anything you want here. Dad and stepmom don’t “deserve” a visit, where have they been all these years? You are postpartum. Delay it and focus on your baby, yourself, and the people who give you peace and support.
NTA. (And congratulations!)
NTA. That first couple months is rough; you’re adjusting to your new role as a parent, baby is adjusting to, well, being alive, and add to that you are healing still (Physically and emotionally). Now is the exact right time to put yourself and your baby first, ahead of any instinct to please others. Choose your peace, tell them you’re not ready for a visit and don’t engage if they try to argue about it.
NTA. According to Miss Manners, no one ever has any responsibility to host anyone, NOT EVER. Just tell them, “So sorry, but you are not up to visitors or hosting.” Be strong and stand firm. Good luck.
NTA
This is your time to bond with your baby and build your family. Keep who you want to keep around you.
NTA. I think you’d regret having them.
I don’t get it- you’ve begged him for years to come visit and he’s gonna visit but you don’t want him to? I’m a little confused
I was so confused too. Did I miss something where dad did something awful after buying tickets that would make OP want to rescind the invitation? Or did OP just decide she doesn’t want to see dad after all, after the years of begging?
I mean, OP, if you don’t want a relationship with your dad you don’t have to have one, but you seem all over the place in your post. An adult child talking to their parents for 15 minutes once or twice a week is a whole lot more contact that a lot of people with happy parental relationships have. If you’re angry he didn’t respond to medical updates, you should tell him that and clear the air.
Now she’s got a tiny human being who she needs to focus on.
I’d imagine it feels not only like a too little too late situation but also that her priorities have completely shifted. Her limited energy is better spent on people who show up for her without pestering and begging.
Honestly. It doesn’t matter how much money they have. Cancelling plane tickets could be $1000’s if you agreed to see them and you have begged to see him then why all of a sudden do you not want to. You have a therapist and I recommend asking them over reddit. But if it was me as a female who does not see her dad much and he made the effort to buy a ticket. I would allow him to come see me and my children. In my book this would be a YTA as not all places allow for planes to be cancelled with a refund.
I don’t understand why you asked for him to visit then didn’t want him to visit. It’s your home & if you don’t want a visit, tell him.
NTA. You’re in hormone hell and had a traumatic birth. They can visit for baby’s first birthday, or maybe 5th 🙄 you don’t need to be around to anyone’s needs but you and baby. This is the time people should take care of you, not the other way around.
Not at all. Did your parents ever say “My house My rules” to you? Well it is your house and your rules now. Just be reasonable about it but you are allowed to make decisions for you.
If someone doesn’t have a good relationship with the parents of the baby, they don’t need access to your baby. I don’t understand why so many people try to push their way into their grandchildren’s lives when you’re pretty much NC with your own kid.
That last sentence is everything honey. Most likely it’s actually his wife who wants to be a grandma and experience hanging out with the baby because he’s proven he doesn’t care about that kind of thing. Even if he did he doesn’t have an automatic right to it if he was not a father
First of all you don’t have to let anyone in your life that you don’t want to. You get one life. Protect it. And second do you want him to repeat the pattern of detached negligence with your child? Protect your kid