More context: My brother in law and his girlfriend are in town and staying at my girlfriend’s house (she still lives with her parents)
She told me that some of her brother’s friends will go to her house to hang out with them. I told my gf that I was not in the mood to hang out with other people, and that I she planned to be with them, I’d rather stay home, but that if she didn’t intend to hang out with her brother and his friends (it’s some couples) I’d be more than happy to go visit her.
She got kind of mad at me, which led me to wonder if there’s something I might be missing here. Am I the asshole?
She wants you to get to know her family that are visiting. She wants you to make an effort to get to know them as they are important to her. If they live far away, you should go.
We have hanged plenty of times in the recent weeks. We’ve also been together for 3 years, and 1 of them her brother lived in her house. The thing I’m not eager to do is hang out with the friends, I’d rather rest
But the brother that is visiting, how often does he do that?
And it’s a bit weird to suggest that you come visit but only hang out with her. On her part that would be very rude towards her family.
I feel like making an effort with your partners family is a given in a serious relationship. You don’t really have a valid reason not to go – no super early morning job, illness or bad blood. You just cba
YTA
Yes, no reason other than me not wanting to hang out with other people (nothing personal against any of the people going). I have hanged out with my brother in law and his girlfriend plenty of times in the past few weeks tho
They’re not your in-laws. You’re not married.
It sounds like she wanted you to be more sociable and be with her as a couple and her friends. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But sometimes you need do stuff like that for your girlfriend.
Given your response that you know him well and it’s his friends you have an issue with, NTA. But you need to explain that the the gf. Tell her it’s them not her brother that’s the issues. Ask to do something with her and him another night without the friends to make up for it. Or do something earlier with just them.
He isn’t you brother in law yet. GF wants you around her family. You are either in or out.
You’re not wrong for not wanting to socialize, but the “I’ll only come if your family disappears” vibe is kinda rough 😅.
It’s less about the friends and more about showing up for your girlfriend when her people are around.
Sometimes being a good partner means small social sacrifices, not just hanging out on your own terms.
A few comments made me realize that it was not a nice thing to say. Thanks
NTA. That’s your choice.