Hey y’all so my girlfriend (27F) and I (26M) of 4.5 years have this tough conversation every year about who’s in the right or wrong (we have spent 3 holiday seasons together)
Essentially we both live far from our families making holidays somewhat difficult as we cannot host. She works in retail and only has the day of thanksgiving off and works every other day that week. I would like to travel home as I work from home (2 days a week) so I have some flexibility in my schedule. I would prefer to travel back to see my family and friends as I don’t get to see them often; however she wants me to stay and spend the holiday with her. I understand her view as well as she doesn’t get to see her family a ton either and says significant others should spend holidays with each other. I would be gone the Saturday before thanksgiving to the Saturday after.
She says I am being selfish if I leave and that she’s always the one who’s disappointed when it comes to her vs my family.
INFO: what’ve you been doing the past years you’ve had this issue?
In a long term relationship, the fairest thing is to take turns deciding what to do for the holiday. So, you’d get your way every other year, and the same for her.
You’re not the asshole. I worked a job in retail for a bit and always encouraged my gf to go home to be with her family. Spent 4 thanksgivings alone which sucked but I would never have called her selfish for going home
How serious are you about your GF? What if she were your wife? Would you leave her alone for a week at one of the most family-oriented holidays in the US?
I guess it comes down to whether you consider her “family” or not.
NAH
I’m very serious about my girlfriend, I do consider her family. I guess my viewpoint is I spend every holiday with her and we live together. I don’t get to see my immediate family but a few times a year
But this is a choice you will eventually have to make, to ‘leave’ your family and ‘cleave’ to your wife. If she’s ‘family’, why do you want her to be alone at Thanksgiving? Especially when it’s important to her.
NAH but neither is she. Her wants are as valid as yours.
I mean, haven’t you spent every holiday with your nuclear family growing up? You would have “spent every holiday” with them as a child, teen, young adult, and you would have “lived with them” as well.
If you see yourself committed to this GF (future wife), there *will* come a time when you may have to view her as your *new* nuclear family, and your current nuclear family more like extended relatives….
NTA but completely disagree with your reasoning. My husband and i have been together for 23 years. We are family. I still occasionally go to Thanksgiving with my family without him because of his work schedule. And yeah it sucks. That’s life.
YTA for wanting to leave your long term gf alone for a whole week during a family holiday she will spend alone… like???? Do you hear what you’re saying dude?
Edit ✍🏻 this is his third year in a row going home, most people would be willing to alternate holidays by this point.
NAH. This is what the gf/bf stage is about. You learn if your lives work together. Neither of you are wrong. You two have to decide if this works for you, if you are willing to find a compromise for each other, or of it’s time to find someone out there that might work better.
I understand she does not want to be alone for the holiday, but is he never supposed to see his family again because she can’t get off? She’s definitely being selfish. I think some of you just like calling people AH because there is nothing wrong with him, wanting to go see his family for a week. NTA
I think you should alternate years and holidays. One year you’re gone for Thanksgiving but home for some other holiday, the next year you do the opposite. Or on alternating years you don’t leave her.
You work from home with a flexible schedule. You could go spend a week with your family and friends any time you want. She cannot do that and as a result, will be alone on Thanksgiving if you go to your family. She will be hurt and feel unimportant to you. Why not consider spending Thanksgiving day with her and then fly out on Friday to spend a week with your family?
INFO
Why don’t you alternate years? One together, next you’re free.
NAH. But I know that if you choose your happiness over hers every year, eventually she’ll find someone who doesn’t. Not that it makes you an AH, not at all, but you should be realistic.