so i and her are in a ldr from last 2-3 yrs, not met from last 1 yr, so she moved to canada for her studies, not there she moved with her sister so they both live together, now at the college she made a friend who later proposed her knowing she is in a realtionship with me, she rejected him, also told me about it, there she blocked him as we had a smell fight over it, but later as he is the only friend she got over there, she unblocked and i allowed it as to just talk for necessary purpose only, so things got normal, he became a very good FRIEND of her, they all 3 used to go out for outings, they have photos together, and all, i was ok as i know she is not cheating at all as she is with me most of the time on video calls
now cut shorts he used to visit their home, they all 3 watch tv have fun, now he started sleeping at their place, 2-3 times happened, i objected this, she accepted this but said i dont know how to say no to him as he sleeps and feels bad to wake him from sleep, he says there next day too and leaves at noon, so now we had this fight, she said why m i making fuss out of it, why m i being soo paranoid, she hasnt cheated or anything, he just stayed slept on the sofa thats it. to it when we had this fight she at 4 in the morning went to him and said that never come to her home again as i dont like hims staying there. it feels like AITA for asking her to stop him from staying? am i being paranoid? is this normal or just me making fuss out of it?
YTA. You are being paranoid. And you can’t control her life from afar.
NTA man, the guy was just a predator waiting for his chance to pounce. One night, when you would have ended up fighting over him or any other shit, he would be ready with a bottle of wine to be the shoulder she can cry on and finally he would get to not sleep on the sofa. Your GF was either extremely oblivious, or was enjoying the attention and she was initially ignoring your discomfort about keeping a guy who is interested in her so close. He was not her friend, he was just orbiting around with ulterior motive, while being obnoxious about it.
That said, for the future, you can’t control the actions of your GF, just your own. If she values having the guy around more than your feelings, that’s it. Raise it, discuss it, then accept the result of the discussion or respect yourself and leave.
exaclty, he just waiting, he just wanted me to have a fight with her so that things go out of hand we have a breakup so that he can give his shoulder
You did what you had to do to protect your relationship, don’t doubt yourself. Now it is up to your GF to show she wants to protect it too.
man dont know, she told him not to come to her home, and now she is angry on me for making fuss about this thing, it feels like it was all my fault, everything, she and he were right, i am wrong, feels like everything is falling apart.
Man, I am just a rando from the internet, but do you know what I would do if my GF would say to me “I am uncomfortable with your female friend sleeping over while she confessed having feelings to you, can you please not hang out with her like that anymore.” I would feel sad as fuck that I made a person I love feel insecure in our relationship, apologize and adjust my behaviour. Because I love her and want her to be happy with me.
Your GF seems to value this guy’s company more than she values keeping your relationship healthy. That said your situation is not looking good, LDR for years, you did not see each other for a year. That means your GF is likely not the same person who left with college life, new influences and so on, now she is fighting you over her “right” to keep her suitor around for… For what, really?
You can’t keep and save the relationship on your own you know?
NTA. Asking your partner to set boundaries in her own home isn’t paranoid, it’s normal in a relationship. Him crashing there repeatedly crosses the “just friends” line, especially since you’re LDR and can’t see what’s happening in person. She should be able to say no without feeling guilty. You’re not controlling, you’re just protecting your relationship.
I think you need to have a conversation with her.
She needs to understand that this guy “friend” does Not just want to be her friend, he wants to be in a relationship with her.
And how inappropriate it is for her to be letting him spend the night as her place.
But ultimately you cannot control her.
yes, at once she accepts it, like it is wrong of his to stay but says she dont know how to say no as she thinks making him up from the sleep is not a good thing, but why cant she on the next day say be clear u cannot sleep here, also she says he is just a friend and she lives with a sister, so that i dont need to be worried of anything u know what she meant, and i feel now like i am being the asshole for making this big of a issue, like he is just a friend who came and slept at her place, m soo fk ed up man
But why the hell he is even allowed to visit and sleep over? Point of waking the guy up being rude is moot the moment they say “Guy, no visits from now on.”. This is shady as fuck, your GF and her sister are enabling him at this point.
“Living with sister” is also not an argument at all. If anything the sister can be a bad factor, nudging your GF to consider dating the guy for variety of reasons. Who do you think the sister will be loyal to if stuff starts getting heavier between your GF and the guy? Obviously her sister is not interested in putting stop to guy’s visits, so why should she be able and willing to prevent anything from happening?
These are lot of excuses for a shady situation.
exaclty, i know that guy is even better friend with her younger sister, they bond a lot, but why are u allowing him to sleep, why cant she say to him before he goes to sleep that he needs to leave, and now she is blaming as if i am doubting her, noo i amnot doubting but i need some boundaries, if u cant have it than why are u blaming me
You are doubting her because she is willingly continuing a shady relationship and blaming you for trying to stop it. Did you consider that the GF is trying to make you break up with her on purpose, so she has her conscience “clean” and she can date this guy officially? If the sister is even friendlier with the guy, it would work out for their bunch beautifully. Might be it is already happening, you just can’t know from afar.
Seems it is 3 vs. 1 here, man.
She’s not your girlfriend anymore. Sorry to tell you. He is definitely not just staying over, she’s probably riding him too.