So to put it short I (24M) have endured years and years of emotional, physical, and mental abuse from my Dad and Step-Mom. I’m incredibly grateful to have been given the opportunity to go to a private tech school to receive my degree in Aero. Eng. but the toll my parents put on me while in school really wore me down and caused me to miss out on a lot of career focused opportunities.
All throughout my 4 years in college, I was constantly being harassed by my father on how I was never doing enough to help them out with their small restaurant businesses even though I was actively perusing a hard ass degree almost an hour south of them. So to compromise I would give them my weekends and drive the hour to work 20 hr weekends and then go back to school. For him that was still never enough and it continued, so many hurtful and hateful things were spewed in my face as if I wasn’t trying my best.
Anywhoo I made it out and have been practically no contact for over a yearish at this point and I’m still healing and figuring out my life with finding a good job in a different state. Yesterday I received a text from my Step-Mom regarding the over 6 figure Parent Plus Loans taken out under my fathers name and asking me to settle it so they can get a mortgage on a new house in Jersey (where i moved back to). Now I looked and I have only around 35k in my name and the rest are in his, I have no intention of paying those PP loans back. In my head I played his game and got what I needed from it, I was the good boy until I had my chance to get out and all I see is everything coming back to bite them in the ass.
Now I would be more entitled to help pay these back but they have the money, they’re sitting in a 900k house in Fl and whatever they got from selling their previous restaurants. I tried so hard with them but at the end of the day I never felt enough and chose myself over the need for their validation. If my situation was better and I had a good paying job (market is hard rn) then I’d do my best.
But am I the asshole? Are there repercussions to this that I could face? My understanding is that they are in his name and he is responsible, there was never a verbal agreement that I would take the loans over. I’m just a healing boi trying his best to do right in this world.
NTA. No, you have no obligation to help pay back what these horrible monsters who gave you over 100k so you can have a better life.
NTA. But get legal advice on this. In the meantime, just tell them you are looking for work so they will have to figure something out themselves. Tell them you paid them with your labor while in school. Then stay no contact.
No legal help needed. Parent Plus loans are loans taken out by the parent. The parent is solely responsible. They are not transferable. Even if a child promises to pay back their parent, there is no legal obligation to do so.
NTA. if you’re not legally required, don’t and block her. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that shit
NTA. Pay the loans in your name. You are not responsible for the loans your father took out, unless you signed and agreement stating you would be responsible for paying those back. Block your stepmother and protect your peace. I am so proud of you for being a survivor!! I hope you were able to get some therapy for all the abuse you endured. Hugs
Part of the Parent PLUS ToS *SPECIFICALLY* state that it is the PARENT’S responsibility, and NOT the student’s. So I agree with you.
Depends:
1) Did you agree to pay the loans back when you graduated
AND
2) Did they pay you a fair wage and gas for working in the family business?
If YES to both, pay it back, it’s your debt. No need to have them in your life, but you agreed and were paid.
If NO to either or both … fuck those assholes, they can fuck right off with their bullshit.
It sounds like that your parents didn’t understand how the loan works. Pay the loans that are actually yours (not this one: you were the student, not the parent), change your number and move on.
NTA. Not your loans not your problem. Sounds like they can afford it.
I’d recommend you verify what kind of loan it is and what the terms of repayment are. Did *you* sign anything? But if this is a [Direct PLUS Loan for Parents](https://studentaid.gov/understand-aid/types/loans/plus/parent), you aren’t legally obligated to pay back the loan. It’s a loan your father took out knowing he would be responsible for repaying it.
NTA
NTA. I paid off a Parent Plus loan for my daughter’s education. It was in my name.
I had a neighbor whose parents took out a Parents loan for her tuition, and they put her name on the loan so it may have been similar to this, but she never saw the loan application, never signed anything, and worse of all, no proceeds of that loan ever went toward her tuition, based on the payment history on her student account at he school. They did, however, buy a boat and a cabin in the woods while she was in college. After she graduated, she got a really, really good high paying job, and her parents started demanding she “help” them pay the loan(s) which were almost $150k. She told her parents she would help pay the loans if they could prove to her the money got paid toward her education, otherwise, they could FO. To my knowledge, they went radio silent and she never heard from them.
It might be advisable to get an accounting of your own student loan activity so you can see what payments were made and when. It could help you tremendously.
If it was truly a Parent Plus loan it would be impossible for it to go to anything but school tuition–the money goes directly to the school.
NTA. Legally, when they signed up for the loans, they explicitly agreed to be responsible for paying them back. It’s *literally* what they signed up for. They have no legal mechanism to transfer the loans to you. So you’re clear from that standpoint.
Morally, even if you feel some level of responsibility, after years of traveling there and back to work 20 hour weekends (and I’m guessing working even more during the summers), you should have easily generated a 6-figure amount of economic value for their business. So you have *already* paid them back, just in labor instead of dollars.
Emotionally, you don’t owe them *anything*. And you have to stop trying to get them to understand that or change. They are toxic. Toxic people are going to use their toxic “logic” to demand that you to allow in more of their toxicity. There is no speech you can give that will finally “get through” to them and make them finally back off and treat you better. They aren’t interested in that. The change isn’t coming. They just want they want. Calibrate your expectations accordingly.
In short, going no contact was the right choice and still is. Keep it up.