I’m deciding if I’d be an asshole to report this and any advice is appreciated. I (19F) am engaged to my fiance (21M). I work on campus at the cafeteria as the cashier. I mostly just make sure peoples meal plan swipes go through but occasionally ring people up with a credit card. Mostly i just sit there and do homework. Recently, one of my coworkers, a dishwasher, confessed his love for me on snapchat, then again at work after i told him i was engaged and blocked him after my fiance asked me to. The last time I worked with him, he came up to me 4 times, despite us rarely talking before.
First he asked if i was ok because he “figured he should”. Then, he asked if i was getting married (knowing i was) and asked if I was sure when I said yes. He then said that he liked me a lot and later said he loved me and cared about me a lot. I replied that he didn’t, he doesn’t know me, and I’m engaged. He said that hurt and I apologized before he walked away. The third time he came up to me he was following me around when I was looking for my friend to tell him the drama. He told us to have fun but not too much fun and walked away. The last time he came up to me he asked if i was sure, when I said yes he told me not to grow up too fast because I’m getting married so young, which I understand but I don’t need advice from him. He saw me telling my friends about the situation and probably laughing. He called in sick the next day.
I’m wondering if I should report this to my boss because it does make me uncomfortable and it is unwanted. He is also clearly persistent. If it continues, should I report this? Would you? I don’t want him to lose his job, I just want him to stop. Please let me know your thoughts. Im sorry this is so long, thank you for reading!!
NTA
Report him now before he escalates. He didn’t understand the first no, not all the other no’s
NTA – he needs to respect your boundaries and accept that “no” is not going to magically turn into “yes” with persistence (aka harassment). Let the boss or HR know.
NTA it’s best to report now and have it on record in case he persists or escalates. The fact he can’t take several ‘no’s is concerning.
NTA. It’s your choice if you do it now or wait and see what he does going forward, but personally, if he makes even the slightest out of pocket comment, I’d report him. Don’t keep engaging with him. You don’t owe him an explanation or attention.
And if he losing his job, just know it wasn’t because of you, it was because he CHOSE to be wildly inappropriate with a co-worker. He got himself fired.
Nta, but also stop entertaining him. I would have stopped talking to him after he didn’t get the hint the first time. Also, why did your fiance have to tell you to block him? Would have done it all on my own .
This all boils down to women being too concerned about being “nice.” She didn’t block him to be nice, she didn’t tell him to fuck off to be nice, and she’s hesitating reporting him because it wouldn’t be nice. Boo hoo, he might lose his job. I have zero sympathy for this guy. But I’m also not a “people pleaser.” She should absolutely report him, and I can’t believe there are people suggesting otherwise. (Not you, to be clear.)
Yesss, I’m a woman and no longer give a shit if men get upset. If they can’t take no the first time, then its time to be mean. We don’t need to smile and be nice when we don’t want to be.
You are wondering if you should report this to your boss???????
Yes, you numpty, YES!!!!!
This guy was following you around. What if the next time he follows you around is after dark?
If you don’t report it, you might not be TA. You might be raped. Or dead.
Report it immediately. He’s ignoring your responses. He’s following you around. He’s escalating. What comes next?!
NTA
NTA- report this right away. He’s clearly thinking of you as property. Also, “No” is a complete sentence. It’s not “No, because I’m engaged”. It needs to be “No.” “No, I’m not interested in you.” “No, I don’t want you to contact me.” “No. I don’t want to talk to you on snapchat.”
You do not need to apologize for rejecting him.
NTA. Absolutely report him. At best he is sexually harassing you, that is against the law. At worst he is becoming a stalker and needs to stop.
Start keeping notes of all your interactions at work. And any time you see or encounter him outside work. If he keeps showing up where you are, report to the local police, not campus police. Local police are better equipped for dealing with stalkers. Campus police are responsible for keeping campus crime statistics low, and they sometimes do that by discouraging victims from making an official report. If he keeps harassing you, take those notes and get a restraining order.
He is absolutely 100 percent responsible for his conduct, and for managing his own emotions. Do not excuse his dangerous behavior because “he can’t help how he feels “. Yes he can, he must, we all have to learn to move on from disappointment.
NTA. Please report this and get it documented, God forbid something happen. You can say you aren’t looking to get him fired but request he be on different shifts than you and receive a warning. They may or may not honor that request, but at the end of the day, it’s his own doing. He is fixated/obsessed in you, escalating quickly, not respecting your demand that he stop. All of this and barenyl even KNOWS you. These are the red flags of someone who will do something. You need to protect yourself and demand protection from your employer. Keep record of all interactions.
Report him. I’d be interested to know if this is a pattern; he may have targeted other colleagues, or may do so in the future. It’s important that there be a record of his behavior. NTA
NTA
This is textbook workplace harassment. Report him to your boss and HR and get it documented.