Basically my baby has cmpa and still we haven’t eliminated everything but we started solids we started avocado 4 times and once potato and before I could even rule out or watch for more reactions she has been given banana. The main things is I would have been fine if I was around to prepare the food and supervise. This woman’s kitchen has chicken soaking in water for hours spices laying around butter and ghee products everywhere so yes I’m a little grossed out that my baby ate from her kitchen. But I tried being cordial the whole family is saying I was rude… this is the convo over text:
Me: Hi please do not feed her again without making sure she has never had bananas and It wasn’t part of her plan for her allergies.
Lady: What that mean is she allergic to bannana?
Me: No she’s supposed to be eating certain foods a set amount of times before she tries the next and nobody asked before hand I’m not comfortable with anyone else feeding her yet.
Lady: It’s not a big deal it’s just a banana and I just gave her not Evan full spoon .
Me: I understand but I am not comfortable with anyone else feeding her yet.
Lady: Make sense but you can say better way ,
Me: I did and in the future you can ask if you want to try anything with her. I’m okay as long as I’m asked! Thank you again for watching her.
Lady:Don’t worry that first and last time I not going to feed her anything .
NTA, but your spouse should be dealing with this.
Yeaaaaa we are getting separated this was the last straw Unfortunately. Just this text thread caused a lot of chaos that I don’t want my baby being around anymore.
Question:
1. Did she know (I assume she did) that you are doing an elimination diet and only try one food at a time and which ones she can feed her? Because if not, why didn’t you tell her, sounds like she was alone with the child and than it would be obvious to feed her something when you think she’s hungry? Or provide food you’re happy for her to be fed?
2. Why was she alone with the child in her “gross” kitchen without having instructions on what she can eat? Even if you just pop out of the room quickly this information should have been passed on tbh. But you said you weren’t around, so guess not?
3. How long was she alone with the child? Obviously if she’s alone with the child she needs to feed her something if she gets hungry… if you’re not comfortable with that than don’t let anyone else be alone with her for more than a few minutes…
I think the communication should have happened before she was alone with her. I don’t think what you said was rude, but it isn’t just what words you use, more than what you say is said by body language and tone of voice, so maybe it could have sounded rude because you were stressed or scared etc. even if you didn’t wanted it to?
I mean the easiest thing would be not to let her be alone with your child anymore. And is your spouse at least backing you up? They should be the one telling your mother-in-law what she can’t do etc.
Still very much a baby so not really in the stage of eating food food she has only tried food a handful of times starting last week and she has known about her restrictions since I am breastfeeding she full well knows I haven’t been able to eat dairy soy eggs. She has never even seen baby eat or how I prepare she saw a video of her eating avocado and assumed she would try without asking. I didn’t think I had to say anything because I didn’t think she would even try seeing as I’ve only fed the baby 5 times.
If she knew about the dietary plan she’s TA. If she didn’t, and banana is age appropriate, then YTA.
Edit- one other thing that gives me pause is when you said:
“the main things is I would have been fine if I was around to prepare the food and supervise.”
So is the problem the potential allergy, or the dirty kitchen? Because the kitchen thing isn’t going to go away and if it’s the kitchen you better make other arrangements.
I bring all her things from home full sanitized already so usually the kitchen is hind site. I would have prepared and brought it so there is no cross contamination and she FULL well knows I’ve been struggling with elimination diet seeing as I can’t have dairy soy or eggs and still probably more.
/JustnoMIL
NTA. No one should feed your baby without asking one of the parents to make sure its safe and approved.
ESH
NTA if your baby has allergies and a food plan, “it’s just a banana” is exactly the kind of sentence parents hate hearing.
YTA, banana does not have any cow milk protein or soy. Bananas are safe for babies with CMPA. I think you overreacted. And your texts came off unclear and confusing.
NTA I found your text confusing and agree with your MIL that you could “Say in a better way.” But in general, I am in full agreement that parents should be asked about foods when the baby is just starting to eat. Even without known health issues, a lot of parents keep an eye out for any reactions to newly introduced foods.
In regards to your texts, I don’t think your MIL is an a-h for being confused.
“Hi please do not feed her again without making sure she has never had bananas and It wasn’t part of her plan for her allergies.” This could be interpreted as “Don’t feed her again unless you’ve made sure she’s never had bananas.” Which is confusing.
This part is also confusing as it doesn’t set your real boundary: “…in the future you can ask if you want to try anything with her. I’m okay as long as I’m asked! Thank you again for watching her.” This is also confusing. It makes it sounds like you are okay with any food- so long as she asks. She’s left wondering “Why do I have to ask if every food is okay?” The reality is every food is not okay. Plus, you don’t like the food safety standards in her kitchen. It would be much better if you stuck to something like, “We have to be careful of Baby Girl’s diet. The next time you watch Baby, to make it easier on everyone, we will provide you with a container of food that is safe for her to eat. If you only give her food from that container she should be fine.”
im a little confused, cmpa just means baby shouldn’t have cow dairy, were there other complications ? my niece has cmpa and dairy was the only thing i was told to avoid
Babies with CMPA (Cow’s Milk Protein Allergy) can 100% eat bananas. YOR so YTA