I (23 f) had a big friend group in college, and in junior year I hooked up with one of my friends (23 m) a couple of times. It happened about 4 times, all in a drunken state and we weren’t really good friends to begin with. I kinda caught feelings and I didn’t tell any of my friends at first.
My girl friends told me it was a bad idea but it would just happen…
I decided to talk to him about it and tell him I was catching feelings and that we needed to stop hooking up for my best interests. We proceeded to then of course, get really drunk and when we were alone, we made out and one thing led to another. He barely even apologised to me and I wanted him to talk to me about it again when we saw each other next since I don’t live in the same city as him now. When I was visiting my friend there, I decided to talk to him about how I don’t want him in my life because he was playing with my feelings and I felt used. In admittedly a stupid act on my part, I kissed him before telling him this. He then tried to hook up with me which luckily didn’t happen.
It didn’t sit right with me that he didn’t respect what I had told him in a vulnerable state and continued to use me. And so it did hurt that my friends were still friends with him. I wouldn’t be friends with people that treated my friends like this.
I didn’t realise just how close my friends were with him until I went to visit my two friends who live in the same city as him. My one friend (23 f) spends every weekend with him, and even went on trips with him.
I spoke to a friend who is completely outside the situation and she made me realise that my friend was fucked up for that.
I decided I didn’t want her or anyone else that spends that much time with him in my life anymore and so I called her and told her that I was cutting her off.
She was mad that it wasn’t a conversation and that I hadn’t made it clear to her that that was what I wanted from her.
I thought she knew me well enough to understand that I expected her to be loyal to me in this situation.
Reddit, am I the asshole?
TLDR; I cut off my friend of 6 years because she stayed friends with a guy who treated me like a piece of meat
YTA- You are an adult, you have agency, stop sleeping with this guy. You are not a victim. You’re acting like he’s a bad person becaue you jump his bones routinely, are ashamed of it, and are now trying to control your friends.
YTA for expecting loyalty without communicating it. He treated you badly, yes, but your friend didn’t. You can’t assume people will drop someone just because you hooked up and caught feelings
YTA and you sound wildly immature tbh. Take responsibility as well for hooking up with this guy.
YTA. Do you want him or not? You’re an adult so if you tell a person that you’re not wanting to hook up anymore but continue to do so afterwards then take some responsibility for your own actions. As for your friend just because you’re having mixed feelings about him doesn’t mean she is.
Every one of your friends should drop everything for you because of a mistake that you kept making? Seems like you’re just jealous and YTA.
Yeah YTA….you destroyed a 6 year relationship with someone because YOU wouldn’t stop hooking up with a dude and then YOU got jealous your friend was hanging out with him too. Grow up.
YTA, stop getting drunk and hooking up with this guy. Boys will be boys and getting drunk and acting like that opens up a window of oppertunity for him and of course he will go for it each time. Also cutting your friends off because of something as stupid as this, you are not in a relationship with this guy it was only the fact of getting drunk and hooking up. But nothing set in stone.
YTA also it seems like you continued to go after him and are mad he didn’t reject you. This is all weird.
There’s a hint of accusation in your victimhood tone about this man. If only someone close to him could find this post, read it and tell him to keep as far away from you as he can. You’re incredibly dangerous and at this point it would take just smallest push to tip you over the edge and straight to the *”he assaulted me without consent”* narrative.
You’re entitled, self centred and childish. You made adult decisions about your sex life independently. Your friends had nothing to do with it. Good for them that you’re out, especially this girl. YTA
YTA
You chose to dump the friend over a guy you hooked up with, and otherwise had no actual relationship with
You need to get over this dude, the only power he has is the one you’re clinging to living rent free in your own head
YTA. You let things with a fuckbuddy get complicated, then blamed him for you not having self control, and then blamed your friend for not excommunicating him because you couldn’t control yourself. You are an adult, with agency, not a child. You blew up a friendship over a fuckbuddy.
YTA, I have discussed this with my friend as well and we have friends that one or the other doesn’t like but dont cut each other off due to thier friendship(s) thats thier business and has nothing to do with u regardless of how you feel you can’t control other people’s feelings
YTA.
You were Friends With Benefits. You wanted more than that, and he didn’t, and you both did a poor job of communicating what you were feeling (or not feeling). That sort of thing happens all the time, and so far nobody’s an asshole.
But then you expect your mutual friends to cut him out of their lives because you didn’t get what you wanted? That’s what you think “loyalty” is? No, that’s just pettiness.
I don’t expect a 23-year-old to have it all figured out, but you sound like you haven’t matured much beyond 8th grade. Time to grow up, my dear.
YTA. Why would the guy you hooked up with owe you an apology or conversation? What you described in your post doesn’t suggest he did anything disrespectful or negative in any way. It’s unfair to expect your friends to sever their own significant relationships because you won’t be accountable or rational.