Last week when I saw my therapist she started asking me questions and if felt like she already knew the answer to them (she talks to family with permission). I felt like I was answering but she kept sort of re asking and her tone felt slightly accusatory or like she didn’t think my answers were making sense. I’m not great at articulating and because I felt like she was sort of interrogating me my brain automatically felt like she was disbelieving me etc. after I left I processed it and said in email I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come to counseling because the questions made me mad. I should not have said that, I should have just said that I was upset by her questions and why but it took me a few days to figure out why I was upset. She responded and asked to talk during session but did say I hear you and I’m sorry you felt uncomfortable and the explained where the questions were coming from. The problem wasn’t the questions tho, she’s gonna ask me questions, it was the way she asked them as described above. When I came in this week she was like did my email feel sufficient and I was like no really. She the got what I perceived to be very defensive and started explaining herself and then said, you can terminate at any time. She then asked me if I thought I was making progress. Then asked me if I trusted her. I then got overwhelmed and felt like I was going to cry. I don’t do well with conflict so her being confrontational shut me down. I then got in my sweatshirt so she couldn’t see me cry and she said in a frustrated tone “why are you hiding” at that point I really needed a break but she continued making statements like, you’re the only client I have whose family teaches out and tells me thing (made me feel like a burden), and she wanted to hear if from me and I explained it made me feel like I had no voice and she said “I thought we were working on that.” pushed you too hard. You’re allowed to be mad. But it was too late for all that after everything else. She still seemed either mad or frustrated. What the heck happened here.
Holy fuck NTA. WHAT A SHIT THERAPIST!!!! Honey, you did nothing wrong, and I’m so sorry you had this experience.
Ntah
The confrontational tone is very unprofessional. You probably need a therapist that doesn’t talk to your family.
NTA, just not a good fit. Move on. There’s no need to analyze it, just move on. Therapy needs trust and comfort to work.
The whole “you’re the only client I have whose family…” says a lot about how she’s putting herself first.
NTA
Talking to your family with your consent is one thing, but she’s weaponizing that.
And that’s incredibly unethical.
Get a new therapist and then don’t give consent for them to talk to your family.
You’re allowed to open up in your own time.
NTA, im so sorry you’re dealing with this. It takes amazing courage to even seek therapy and then to be treated like that is awful. I can maybe excuse her until you hid in your sweatshirt. That should have been a major flag to her and hlfor her to ignore it an push is unprofessional.
I hope you find better help and healing
NTA its literally her job to guide you through this stuff without doing harm. She should have identified that she was stressing you out and handled it better. Not like “oh she could have handled that better”, like it is literally her job, that you paid her for, to handle that exact thing without hurting you.
You need a new therapist. Your therapist was a bit unprofessional, and I’m not sure your therapist should be discussing you with your family at all.
NTA. It sounds as if she behaved miserably. Even if any of this failed communication was your fault—and I do not mean to suggest that it was, but even if one cuts her all the slack in the world—she should have handled the situation much better. That’s a basic sort of thing to expect a therapist to be able to do!
Anyway, as others say, you and she are not well matched, to say the least. Find a new therapist, and do not let them have a back-channel to your family. Who knows what your family told your therapist?
NTA. Your therapist should be able to handle you getting mad and hurt without getting defensive back at you. It sounds like this may not be the right provider for you.
Finding the right therapist can be challenging. Her style is obviously not what you need to open up or feel safe doing so. Please consider dropping her and asking your doctor or trusted friends for recommendations. Also, you might just want to keep other people out of your therapy until you are established with your new therapist. Others might want to help, but your therapist, if they are really good, should be able to guide you and ask you the right questions to help you. Once you are established and feel like you are in a safe space, you can decide if you want to take suggestions from loved ones to your therapy or not. But it sounds like it’s too much for you to take on right now. One step at a time as they say. Baby steps.
NTA, it sounds like you aren’t a good fit with this therapist (or aren’t any more). I can’t imagine a situation where my therapist would ask if I trusted him – that seems like a weird, inappropriate question.
Is there a reason she talks to your family? Are you able to get a new therapist?
Why is your family telling her stuff? Sounds like she’s trying to verify their stories and their concerns, which are likely different from yours. This does not feel like a good fit, a frustrated tone from a therapist would turn me off too.
I encourage you to get a different therapist, and preferably one that isn’t constantly hearing stories from your family.
NTA – the entire job of the therapist is to make you feel safe!!
Any good therapist knows that people can be manipulative and just because you get “informed” by family doesn’t mean it’s the gospel. Several family members can gang up on stories.
I don’t know your situation or your family. But it sounds like nobody listens to you at all.
Maybe you got overwhelmed because you don’t trust her. At any rate you deserve a therapist that makes you feel safe and heard.
Maybe she needs to stop talking to your family or she needs to stop being your therapist. But please know that not all therapists are the same and you might just need to get another one.
I’m sorry you feel like this. I hope soon you can find a way to feel better.
It honestly sounds like you really didn’t want to open up about the original questions and you got defensive, hence all the following perceptions are coming from a place of feeling defensive. A therapists job is to ask hard questions, it’s important to not take it personally. It honestly also sounds like having your family involved is not helping grow your confidence or agency. She may know the answer to the question and attempted to guide you to the answer as well but you shutdown and perceived it as accusatory interrogation, maybe because the answer hurts and feels painful?
However, they could not be the style of therapist that meets your needs and this is something to consider.
Also, even if you are a minor, you can withdrawal your consent to have your family and therapist discuss your protected health information at any time
NTA