AITA in this situation?
We both me 35(M) and her 30(F) stayed up late texting, we are in the talking stages, thinking the other wanted to continue the conversation.
I was afraid she was feeling down and needed support, two days prior she mentioned having nightmares and feeling unwell.
We said goodnight, within the first minute after the good night text I wrote, if you need me and you don’t feel well I’m here.
she replied I’m going to turn off notifications.
I answered asking if there was something wrong, I said I was worried.
She said "because you keep writing after I said I want to sleep".
I told her I was sorry and that I never texted her after saying goodnight.
Was I the asshole?
INFO: did she say she was going to go to sleep at that first text?
But tbh, even if she did, it’s still an overreaction on her part. Like, just turn your phone over or something, or say that you’ll talk about it tomorrow and that you’re going to sleep. I’m going to say NTA, but maybe NAH
We both said goodnight after understanding we were up out of politeness for each other. I said goodnight and then added, if you need me and you don’t feel well I’m here because she had been unwell in prior days.
The thing is, she texted often at night, after I went to sleep, I just turn off the volume and it never upset me, to the contrary, I was happy when I knew she was thinking of me.
But I never (maybe once) do it out of respect for her.
You’re 35?
Reads like 15 doesn’t it
The talking stage? WTF teenage bullsnot is this
Let her reach out to you if she wants to continue talking.
YTA. Not just for texting after the conversation was finished and she was going to sleep, but more for what you wrote. You’re in the talking stage, so have you actually met this woman yet? Saying “if you need me..I’m here” is intense and overly familiar for this stage of relationship. She’s an adult, I’m sure she can take care of herself.
Mmm. I disagree. What would be overly familiar and kinda creepy is if he kept spamming her with messages. It’s just one text and honestly it a very nice gesture. I don’t think anyone is necessarily the AH here, maybe just a miscommunication.
nta. you just had a conversation i cant see anything wrong
I’m a little confused here. You said you texted her after goodnight and then I guess lied to her about texting and said you didn’t?
NTA.. you were just letting her know you are there for her. Her response was pretty rude actually. I would be wary of someone who speaks to me like that in a “talking stage.”
Sounds like you are an empath.
She may have spent time messaging you at various hours in the night because she her brain was awake and ruminating.
This time maybe her brain was actually shutting down and she is one of those people that when she decides she is done for the night, notifications off, brain shuts down and bedtime. I know friends like this and it can be off putting when you have been engaging. It’s like their switch turned off.
My therapist says when you are trying to help someone, think of them in a boxing ring battling and you are there at the corner waiting to support when they head over there. Your friend has her own battle and maybe you allowing her to talk some of it out and knowing you are waiting at the corner has allowed her brain to take a break.
Let her rest, don’t obsess, don’t push. Next time you converse you may consider apologizing for texting when she wanted to shut down and take this as a lesson learned.
YTA