I, (22F) live with my grandmother (72), Uncle (37) and his wife (34) and my sister (6). I want to move out and live on my own, but the big issue is my 72yr old grandmother would be left to care for my 6yr old sister on her own. She’s not in the best health and my sister can be a lot of work. My uncle and his wife don’t help enough at all. I recently told her of my desire to move and she made it seem like I would be abandoning them and that me leaving would shatter my sister beyond repair.
For some added background this is my half sister, her father is unknown, we share a mother who has a serious drug/alcohol addiction. While my sister was with my mother, about 3 years or so, they were homeless. She had been bouncing from couch to couch in rundown apartments that were full of drug users. During that time I (18-20yrs at the time) tried my best to keep in contact with my mother and feign interest in her to make sure that my sister was alright. I was in college and working part time so I also did my best to help my mother with bills, food, etc. looking back that money was probably used for drugs…
After a while I began to notice bruises, scratches, and other marks on my sister. My mother growing up was very abusive towards me: physically, mentally, and emotionally so I knew that she had been doing the same to my sister. That coupled with them (temporarily) living in what was essentially a drug trafficker’s house pushed me to contact DCF (twice, the first time they brushed me off). After several months I collected enough evidence to have them actually investigate.
As a result in the beginning 2023 she was placed with my grandmother who was given temporary guardianship. I graduated college in 2025 and since then I have come back home to my grandmother and have been taking care of them both full time.
My grandmother recently had a stroke, her health is declining, I am also responsible for making sure she takes her meds, gets /schedules doctors appointments, I cook/clean etc. while also working full time. Now I find myself completely overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all. I am now the house caregiver, completely drained, depressed, and miserable. I want to move out and finally be on my own and get to live for myself.
We recently had a conversation about it and my grandmother made it seem like I’d be killing her and crushing my sister’s fragile mental state if I left. She told me that she’s going to: “rethink the dynamics of our family,” and that I’d just up and leave them when they needed help. I feel so terrible for even wanting to go, like I’m abandoning my family just like what my mother did to my sister.
So Im looking for some outside perspective, am I the asshole for not wanting to stay behind and raise my sister/take care of my elderly grandmother? Is it my fault for calling DCF and getting her removed from her mother in the first place, does this now mean that I have to sacrifice my life for this child and my grandmother?