I need other people’s advice. I live in a small town with about 500 people, and I’m still in high school, which means I literally know everyone. My best friend (I’ll call her Tilly) was on and off with a guy (I’ll call him Tim) for about two years. I’ve known both of them pretty much my whole life. For most of those two years, I helped both Tilly and Tim with their relationship issues, so I became close with both of them.
Later on, Tim made some bad decisions and ended up cheating on Tilly with a girl I’m also very close with (she doesn’t really play a big role in the story other than that). They broke up, which was sad because I was basically their child.
After that, Tim and I became a lot closer. I started talking to him about my previous relationship, and we kind of helped each other get through our breakups. I was still equally close with Tilly during this time. At one point, Tilly and all my other friends went out of town for a football game they had to cheer at, which left Tim and me in our small town alone. I’m someone who loves to go out, so we decided to hang out. We stayed out until about 1:30 a.m.
Tilly found out because of Snap Maps. Later that night, she went off on me over text, saying I had no right to hang out with Tim and that I needed her permission. I didn’t feel like that was fair because I’ve known Tim for so long, and when we hung out, it wasn’t flirty in any way. Eventually, we made up.
Later on, Tim and I hung out a couple more times. During all of this, Tilly got a boyfriend. I found out that she was telling her boyfriend she was mad that Tim and I were hanging out all the time, which I don’t think was right. Tim and I eventually realized that nothing good was coming from us hanging out alone, so we decided that his birthday would be the last time we’d hang out one-on-one.
After that, I found out Tilly was making group chats without me and excluding me from our friend group. As a senior girl in a school with only about 90 people, that really hurt.
Tilly and her boyfriend broke up after about a month. She went around telling everyone she wasn’t going to go back to Tim and that she hated him. But the very next weekend, she hung out with him alone.
I’m sorry but everyone in that story is immature and an AH
This is some high school bullshit, don’t let it get to you. There are literally wars happening across the world where kids are starving and dying. I’m sure Tilly will get over it. Don’t stress. NTA
It’s all relative to be fair. Can’t just compare everything to the world worst atrocities to make people feel dumb about their own stuff.
Still high school kids with high school drama and emotions.
Agreed – I wasn’t trying to make OP feel dumb, I was trying to reassure her that the world is bigger than her high school. Whatever teenage crap is going on isn’t worth her stressing out 🙂
Unfortunately this sounds like high school. NTA but half these people won’t matter the minute you leave. Also, dear god turn off location tracking in Snapchat.
You’re infantilising him by saying he “made a mistake” to cheat on his partner.
He didn’t make a mistake. He made a choice, and that choice was to disregard the pain he would cause the person who he was supposed to care about.
Helping him “get through the break up” was actually teaching him that it’s not so bad to cheat on your partner because it resulted in a closer relationship with you.
You also showed your friend that you don’t have her back when she needs you. Is that how you would like to be treated by your friend if your partner chose to cheat on you?
So, yeah, you are the asshole.
In your life, you will lose the most important people by disregarding their suffering and not having their back.
The judgment bot may not recognize your judgment since you don’t use the YTA signifier.
Very high school & none of this will matter in 5 years. He’s a red flag; he’ll either make a move on you or cut you off if he gets back with Tilly. She’s mad because she obviously still likes him. TBH you for hangi, sounds like you’re just looking for connection, I know what that’s like.
You are within your rights to hang out with anyone you choose, especially a friend you’ve known your whole life. You best friend doesn’t get to dictate who you are allowed to spend time with, and to claim any rights to do so is laughable. Tilly is acting like a brat. Don’t enable her by letting her affect your friendship with Tim. Any issues those two have between them has nothing to do with you.
As to Tim’s choices – yes, cheating is nasty. But does cheating once define you as a person, and mean no one should be your friend anymore? Absolutely not. Making mistakes and poor choices is part of growing up. Unless there was some particularly malicious intent behind it and the person repeats the choice instead of learning from it, one mistake doesn’t define them forever.
You made your choice when you just brushed past the part where he cheats. If some of my friends did that doesnt matter how long ive known them I would not just help him get past it would more likely have a big discussion. You have given your friend the sign that you support him and dont have respect for tilly which is understandable from her part as i would have reacted the same. As for the rumours she started that is immature from her part and just adds to the high school drama part. Good decision to not hangout anymore one-on-one but the damage has already been done
YTA. I agree that you can hang out with whoever you want, but he literally cheated on your best friend. And now you’re surprised your best friend is acting out?
That’s adolescent nonsense. Once a break-up occurs, the former partners have absolutely no say in who their ex dates. Now, Tim doesn’t sound like much of a prize, what with the history of cheating, but you could date him (when he isn’t in a relationship) if you wanted, and his ex Tilly is being petty. You might do well to steer clear of both of them based on their behaviour, but NTA if you do go out with someone who previously was with a friend of yours.
I’m surprised you live in a small town. I grew up in one, and honestly, if no one dated someone who had previously dated a friend, there would have been no dating at all.