I couldn’t fit the whole backstory in, so I’ll just briefly: me(W16 y.o) and my ex-friend(let’s call her the snake15y.o) had been friends since childhood. Our families also tried to be friends, as our parents had been friends for a long time, even before we were born. But this friendship was a bit hypocritical, as her family constantly tried to prove they were cooler and richer.We used to be best friends, but we were friends at a distance because we lived in different cities. I live in Ukraine, so in early 2022, her family moved to our city because of the frequent visits. After that, we started having frequent arguments, but the final straw was the quarreled in 2023,during that argument, she said a bunch of nasty things to me and got personal, even though we weren’t fighting over personal matters. We didn’t talk for six months, and then she admitted she was wrong and apologized, even though I warned her right away that we wouldn’t be best friends. Despite my hatred for her words, I tried to be friendly with her and even tried "was good" to spend time with her, while she allowed herself to occasionally make poisonous comments in my direction and disguised her passive aggression as "caring."
So, back to today, the teacher who wrote the research paper with her brought her brought her to our class and asked her to ask her tricky questions on the topic she’d chosen. I asked her two questions on the topic. After the lesson, her mother texted me insultingly, saying I was "behaving inappropriately",and said that I was "lucky" that the war didn’t touch me the way it touched them (I didn’t understand what war had to do with it at all). I was shocked.I also didn’t understand why her 15-year-old daughter couldn’t write to me herself and find out everything.Then she wrote to my mom and…they had a quarreled, my mom told me to block them everywhere and said they were crazy, and my father hasn’t talked to me all day, apparently because I ruined the family friendship.
So… am I an asshole?
P.S sorry if the text is written in a sloppy way, I wrote half of the text through a translator
NTA – block them and move on. Sounds crazy and your mom is right
yes, I think so too, but I don’t understand what caused such a violent reaction in them..Maybe she misunderstood me, but I’m not going to justify myself to them and even more so ask for their forgiveness. Maybe you’re right and I should just block them
My mom once said “Certain questions are better left unanswered for you”. I think this is one of these moments. Don’t ask any more questions, don’t ask for forgiveness. Heal and protect yourself. You deserve it
Thank you so much for the advice! Honestly, I wasn’t planning on asking her for forgiveness or making excuses for anything. I still don’t understand what she was thinking, but as they say, “Everything happens for a reason.”(^^)
NTA. It’s not your job to build bridges between families and keep them up. You have your own life, and nobody should expect you to subject yourself to the unpleasant behaviors of others.
haha, I think so too, but tell my father about it lol
NTA
Only because an adult should not contact a minor like that, she should have talked with your Mather instead. And your dad should be pissed off Tío about how that woman approached to you.
But what were the words/question/assignment that caused this?
I agree with you. When my mother wanted to talk to her, she said she didn’t want to talk to us. As for the questions I asked her daughter, I already answered above. They included questions like, “Why did you choose this particular topic?” and “Why national literature and not foreign literature?”
NTA
Did she answer the questions you asked correctly?
Maybe she was embarrassed if she didn’t know the answers.
Regardless, the whole family sound deranged.
НТА
Чи правильно вона відповіла на ваші запитання?
Можливо, їй було соромно, якщо вона не знала відповідей.
У будь-якому разі, вся родина звучить божевільно.
Thanks for translating! Yes,I also think that the point is that she couldn’t answer the question and took it as a personal insult, but unfortunately I don’t know if my theory is correct, because she didn’t write to me personally, but simply blocked me.
Yes, it does sound like she has an issue and it stems from her mother I think.
The whole dynamic sounds unhealthy and if the parents want to be friends, fantastic! But you don’t have to be friends with her – be cordial, smile, leave it at that.
Так, схоже, що в неї є проблема, і, гадаю, вона походить від її матері.
Уся ця динаміка звучить нездорово, і якщо батьки хочуть дружити, чудово! Але тобі не обов’язково дружити з нею — будь привітною, посміхайся, залиш все як є.
Yes, she has problems with her mother, she is too protective of her (she told me about it herself once), but even if she hadn’t said it, it’s obvious, she’s the only child in the family and she is spoiled and overprotected