I was trying to put our 4 month old down for his last nap of the day just then, and he was having a really difficult time trying to fall asleep (I think he’s started teething) he usually takes 5-10 minutes to put down but this afternoon I was in there for 50 minutes trying.
At around the 30 minute mark I was getting frustrated and impatient, my boyfriend was in the room next to us watching YouTube and never bothered to pop his head in or anything even though the baby monitor was with him and the baby was screaming every 4 seconds.
I got up and went into our bedroom whilst the baby screamed and said “would it be possible for you to be able to give it a go putting him to sleep” he said “yeah, this video just has 4 minutes left so once it’s done” that annoyed me but whatever, I went and layed with the baby again.
The baby finally settles and is starting to actually fall asleep but is still half awake, just no longer screaming and spitting the paci out.
He comes to the door and whispers “do you still want me to swap” I motioned my hand flat and side to side to say no, he then asked again in a more frustrated whisper “do you need me or not?” I did a shooing motion with my hand, I didn’t want to whisper and risk waking him up.
He then walks into the room “I can’t see you do you still need me?” I tried to motion my hands again and he then threw his hands up dramatically, then whispered in a frustrated tone “fucks sales” then gets upset with the dogs and tells them to get out of the room. He then says again “I can’t see” and I whispered back “no I don’t”. The baby woke up and started screaming. I laughed, I was so fucken frustrated but this is typical of him. he then said “that’s not my fault, that’s all your fault” and I just kept laughing. he said “get out I’ll do it” and I said no, he said “get out” I said no, then he walked out and said “don’t you blame me for that”. He’s now sitting in the bedroom and on his phone whilst I’m in the living room feeding the baby because he in fact did not end up falling asleep after that and now I’m going to have to eat dinner, shower me and the baby all whilst he’s overtired and shitty and try and go to bed early.
AITAH?????
NTA but you’re parenting two children here. Not sure what your other options are but this is not how it’s meant to work.
the hand signal seemed ambiguous. your bf seems impatient. you both need to work on communication and setting expectations on parenting. without the full context of your relationship it is really hard to make any judgement.
No, you ANTH. Your bf sounds immature, how old is he? There are a lot of red flags from him in just this one story, what is he like most of the time?
Just keep you & your baby safe.
Good luck!
Have you tried just passing him the baby and saying ‘I’m struggling with him here, you try.’
Walk away. Leave the room, leave the house (only have to go outside the door, not far) and give yourself time to regroup.
If baby is only crying, they aren’t hungry, wet or in pain, you need to take a breather. Baby isn’t in danger, but your sanity is. Xx
YouTube has an amazing feature that actually allows you to *pause* a video so you can come back to it later. NTA.
This is not a healthy relationship.
You’re not the asshole.
You were exhausted, the baby was struggling, and your boyfriend was more focused on YouTube than actually helping. When he finally did show up, he made the situation worse by being dramatic and then blaming you. That’s on him, not you.
NTA.
Your boyfriend is TA for thinking finishing a YouTube video is more important than looking after his child.
NTA but your bf is.
Your bf needs to grow up and start to understand that its his job to step up to parent as an equal partner. At the moment it seems he thinks that its your job to manage you both being parents. In that he’ll perhaps ‘help out’ if you go ask him, after he’s decided he’s finished his fun stuff, but he won’t proactively step up to step in.
You parent as an equal team. Its not your job to be the manager with him treating it like he’s the skivvy who doesn’t think through what happens, when and how.
Sure you both get time out to do stuff you need to recharge, but not when the other is dealing with a baby that’s upset. He needs to come in ready to team tag.
Edit – also his emotional dysregulation when he couldnt see your reply was seriously childish. And adult would walk in, quietly, ask again and watch for your hand signals, understanding that a baby thats unsettled and finally being quieter is in that danger zone of ready to start up again over nothing.
I haven’t read more than a sentence and I’m already fuming. The bar for men is so low that it’s a tavern in hell.
Yeah this shit makes me incandescent with rage. Probably time for me to close out of Reddit and take a walk.
Anyone playing video games instead of looking after their child sound like a bit of a loser in my mind
Children having babies is never a good idea. Usually, people blame the woman for being too young and immature. But I swear it’s the men! This is not your husband, why? So he is man enough to get you pregnant but not man enough to marry you? And obviously not man enough to get off his phone and be present with his family. I’m sorry you got yourself into this situation. Please, please, please be in college or starting a career. This man is not going to be there for you long-term. Please work on establishing yourself as an independent woman, because your boyfriend is way too immature to be a dad. He will get there eventually, but how many years are you willing to wait?
Let me make sure I have this right…
He heard you struggling to put the baby down for 50 minutes without a single hint of concern or offer of help.
When you asked him if he could give it a try, he responded as if he were a child saying, “Just another few minutes, Mum!” instead of a responsible adult and father.
Then he keeps talking while the baby is quiet! How thick can he be? Whether or not he could see you is not really the issue. I think the problem is that he wasn’t really listening to you when you asked for his help! He knew you wanted *something* but was wrapped up in his YT video.
NTA.