One day I was out with my girlfriend who lives about an hour away. I usually only see her twice a week because of how our schedules work, anyways I was invited to a pow wow my girlfriend and her family were a part of. As I was there I also decided, why not do a school project as a piece for my critique that was due in a few days. So I took my requested day off to spend time with my girlfriend as well as a productive time to do my class project. Well in the middle of the pow wow I get a call from my sister saying that my mom needs help pushing (my sister’s car) onto a U-Haul trailer to get it towed to a mechanic shop. I said I couldn’t because I was an hour away and I had plans, but I did offer the fact that I have friends from a car club I am a part of that I can send to go help. My sister then proceeds to tell me that my mom wouldn’t feel safe because she doesn’t know these people. And if that was the case I would have to pay for my sisters tow to the mechanic shop. So I went ballistic because how is it my fault when I offered help in a different way. I cussed my sister out and told her it wasn’t my responsibility to help her get her things situated and it was called being an adult .
Backstory: my sister travels about 2 and a half hours every couple times to visit my mom, but she doesn’t take care of her car such as checking fluids ,tire pressure, basically just proper maintenance, well this time she went over about 3,000 miles on her oil change and low and behold her car threw a rod because she had no oil in the car and she drives a Hyundai. Well when that happened I went to go help her the next day to help diagnose her problem instead of her getting charged a diagnostic fee from a mechanic. And one time my moms alternator stopped working and I called out my next work shift to go drive 2 and a half hours to fix the alternator on my moms suv. Reason why I say all this is because after yelling at my sister my mom tried to guilt trip me and say “ I know who not to call in case of an emergency.” Like bro !? What!? I’ve helped them countless times but it seems if I can’t do it one time it’s like I never helped them out at all. So am I the asshole ?
NTA.
If she can’t be a responsible car owner, it’s not incumbent on you to pull her out of the fire. Maybe she should read a bit about auto maintenance and consider the part she plays in the process.
If the sister doesn’t want to properly maintain their vehicle, it might be good for them to invest in a service like AAA. That way when they inevitably break down they can just call them for assistance rather than OP.
….and wait the 3-4¿ hours it takes for the tow truck to show up (in my area, anyway). It would be a good lesson for them.
it would definitely be a good lesson for them and hopefully make them take OP less for granted.
NTA for ur POV but you can get ur point across without cussing and swearing to avoid escalating. Don’t give them something they can twist into ammo on u later.
NTA but cussing someone out isn’t the way. I highly recommend hanging up sending a text highlighting key points.
Example:
“I’m an hour away at a commitment and I have a friend that can come help right now. I can let them know where you are at. “
Don’t make it a discussion. And get it in writing so if they say anything later you can pull receipts. Will save you the headache
That’s solid advice. Hard to gaslight someone when you’ve got the receipts in text form. Plus you don’t give them ammo to flip it on you for “being disrespectful” instead of addressing the actual issue.
Nta. Just out of curiosity is it just you and your sister? And are you the male figurehead of the family? I only ask this because I feel like in some families it’s just expected that the oldest son steps up and takes all of the responsibility for everything. Frustrating to say the least
I’m like the middle child, I was helping out my older sister who is 11 months older than me. I’m M28 my sister is 29 and I have two other siblings both M15 and F14, my dad isnt in the picture as much because he got a new job in NC, and my parents are working out their relationship because my dad cheated on my mom earlier this year.
NTA. They demonstrated how much they take all of your help for granted – to the pint that they now feel entitled. This is a good lil wake-up for them to appreciate what you do…. but it’s likely that they won’t fully learn that lesson
NTA – Stop helping them, they don’t appreciate it or deserve it.
NTA they are ungrateful…stop helping them altogether and see how they like those apples
NTA. “I would have to pay for my sisters tow to the mechanic shop.” LOL, no. Her car, her problem.
” I’ve helped them countless times…” This is the expectation. They are entitled. Stop setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.