Sorry if my story telling is bad i need to vent and get feedback
My parents visit me twice a year, and usually, it’s a relaxing time filled with driving, hanging out, and simply enjoying each other’s company. However, this time was completely different. Living right outside a bustling city, driving can already be stressful, and for three days, I drove them everywhere. I played their l music, kept the car in the condition they liked it, and essentially l was their chauffeur. But throughout the trip, my dad, in particular, refused to stop backseat driving.
The speed limit on the highway was 65, and I stayed within the traffic, usually around 70-80 mph, never cutting people off or engaging in reckless behavior. Despite this, every few minutes, he would comment on my speed, urging me to slow down. He would even reach over to change the song off the wheel. I would comply by slowing down, get passed by everyone, but eventually this was met with bright headlights behind me and people flying past me so i would speed up again, only to have the same complaints start all over again.
During the last hour of a long six-hour drive, he launched into a lengthy rant about how I was going to “delete us” if I continued driving like that. The argument escalated until I finally snapped and said, “Okay, fine,” and slowed down even more. I shifted into the right lane and tried to focus, but he continued talking for another few minutes, repeating the same points in different ways. At that point, I asked everyone to be quiet, turned off the radio, and drove the rest of the way in silence.
Once we arrived in the city, I asked him for help with directions since I rarely drive there. Unfortunately, we ended up getting stuck in a left-turn-only lane and missing our exit, that small move put us on a road with no u-turn and forced us 10 miles away which triggered another outburst from him. That was my breaking point. I informed them that I would no longer be driving through the city and suggested we go to a Target so they could take an Uber the rest of the way. He responded with a dismissive “Whatever, fine.”
At Target, I pulled into a spot at the same time as someone else, but I was closer and there were plenty of open spaces anyway. That somehow set him off even more. He told me I was being an a-hole and said he never wanted to ride with me again. After I parked, they both grabbed all their stuff and left the car without a word so itook a second, then drove over to where my mom was standing and asked if they had their stuff. They did. I said “Alright,” rolled the window up, and headed home.
Later I called my mom to make sure they were okay, and she immediately asked what was wrong with me. I told her straight up that three days of constant nagging and arguing had pushed me to a point where I couldn’t take another minute in the car with them. I told her I wasn’t going to see them tomorrow and that they could spend their last day together without me.
Questions:
1 How old are your parents?
2 Have they always criticized your driving like they did this time?
they are in their 50’s and have been always pretty picky about my driving since i was getting my license. I literally had to get someone else to teach me because they could not handle being in the car not in control of the whole situation
This is an issue with control, lack of respect, and a refusal to acknowledge you are an adult. You can’t force them to change. What you can do is refuse to drive them anywhere, moving forward. When they ask you to drive them, tell them to take an Uber. When they press, say that they know perfectly well why you won’t drive them anywhere.
NTA For the amount of driving described, wouldn’t a rental car be cheaper?
Nta, I’ll admit I’m definitely not the best driver, but the general rule is that if it’s my car, and I’m driving, everyone else gets to keep their thoughts to themselves. I offer the same to everyone else whether I like their driving or not.
NTA. Text your parents that the constant backseat driving is appalling. You told your father to stop, and he refused. You highly doubt he would tolerate a constant barrage from a passenger. You will not drive them anywhere again, ever. They are welcome to visit, but they need to be prepared to get an Uber if they need to travel anywhere. Moving forward, if they treat you like that again, they will be asked to leave. They have a choice to make – maintain a relationship with you, or continue to escalate and earn distance.
Sounds like you made the safe choice for everyone, the constant interference and distraction would have been unsafe to continue. Don’t drive them again. NTA
NTA – I think you made wise decisions for all concerned.
IMO…parents don’t like boundaries. They forever think they are your boss, you should bow to them and count your lucky stars they even communicate with you.
Backseat driving is so distracting that it’s dangerous. Your dad was interfering because he can’t stand to not be in control or manage his anxiety. You definitely snapped, but distracting a driver is never OK. NTA.
NTA. Remind your parents of the Golden Rules of Being a Passenger:
1. Driver picks the music.
2. Passenger(s) shut their cake holes. This applies to music, speed, lane choices, heat/AC, and any other travel-related topic.
I agree on almost all of this, except the speed part. If you’re a passenger in a car and the driver is regularly going 15mph over the speed limit, it should be OK to say you’re not comfortable with it.
NTA, but your parents are insufferable, ungrateful and just plain rude. You did the right thing. You wouldn’t tolerate that BS from friends, just because they are family doesn’t give them the right to berate you. Let them uber/lyft.