So backstory first, I (19F) have naturally dark brown hair. I have not had my natural hair colour since before my freshman year of high school. Currently my hair is blonde and purple (the purple is temporary). I was asked to be a bridesmaid for my family members wedding and I said yes. I was told that the non natural hair colour (purple) would not be allowed at the wedding which I was ok with. Today I was told I have to go back to my natural hair colour or not be involved in the wedding (not by the bride yet). I was immediately shocked and argued about it. I said no almost immediately. No one is calling me an a-hole but I feel like I’m going crazy. For context, I will never go back to my natural hair colour, it reminds me of my past trauma, even if it means I’m out of the wedding party. I’ve done so much to get as happy as I am now and my hair journey is a big part of that. So AITAH?
Edit: after reading a few comments i realized that i need to talk to the bride first about this. it’s late where i am so i will be messaging them in the morning. i have only been to one wedding in my entire life and i was only a guest so i don’t know how any of it works. i needed opinions that weren’t biased
It’s interesting that you haven’t asked for this accommodation directly by the bride. I’d go directly to the bride and explain that you’re really sad to not be able to be part of the wedding, but that it’s just not possible for you to go back to dark hair. That you completely understood no purple, but that the blonde is permanent and you look forward to attending as a guest.
Either the request has come from her and she’ll take your statement at face value. Or it’s come from elsewhere and you’ll find out what’s going on.
If it’s not from the bride, it sounds very much like ‘I hate your hair colour and I’ve finally found a way to make you do what I want’ from a family member.
And I don’t see why purple is ‘not allowed’. That’s the first hill to die on. You invite people, not their hair styles. Sure, you can hire a bunch of mannequins, but why would you?
That’s what I was thinking. And while I’m with you on inviting the person and not their hair, I was trying to find a way to alert the bride to all the requests made separately, ie not just the purple, but also the blonde
NTA. No one has any business dictating your hair color choices. You do you. I recommend graciously bowing out of the wedding party on your own initiative. Don’t let them kick you out of it.
NTA. A wedding is not a reason for someone to dictate what someone else looks like for more than that 1 day, especially if it involves asking someone to do something they’re not comfortable with.
NTA. Asking someone not to have a brightly dyed colour is one thing (I personally don’t think you should even care about that but whatever), asking them to drastically dye it darker is another. Especially since it’s *a lot* of work going back to light hair if that’s where you want your colour to be. Not having purple hair? Alright, that’s fine. Telling you to go all the way dark? Nope. Not unless whoever’s asking is willing to pay for all the sessions it’ll take to go back to blonde afterwards.
NTA
wedding or no wedding, no one is allowed to police your body, including hair. besides, is this person acting on bride’s request or just trying to butt in?
NTA a wedding doesn’t mean anyone can police your hair color
NTA. Your hair, your healing journey. They can accept blonde or you sit this one out.
NTA
Talk to the bride it’s her wedding. See if she even gives a damn about your hair color
NTA – Asking for no unnatural hair colours is a reasonable request. Dictating the specific shade of your hair is completely unreasonable.
I feel like because this is a family member’s wedding, the extended family feels way too much entitlement to dictate what they want for the wedding. I actually wonder if the same pressure is being placed on the bride herself?
If this was a friend’s wedding, would your friend’s family be treating you this way and insisting on these things without the bride’s involvement? I highly doubt it!
This is between you and the bride, no one else! They can all go jump with their opinions. If the bride is of the same opinion and wants you to dye your hair dark, then bow out of the wedding altogether. If she’s going to be that inconsiderate of your personal history and boundaries, then this is just the beginning of the problems.
I don’t agree that asking for no unnatural hair colours is a reasonable request. Someone’s appearance is none of the brides business. If you have a specific look you want your wedding party to have, only invite people who already look like that.
NTA. And here’s me thinking you pick bridesmaids because they’re your friends, not for their hair colour and length.