Very frustated husband here.
A group of people we seldomly hang out with has a small get together.
I really did not want to go. Not because I dont like them but they are not the type of people I really enjoy hanging out with.
I made this clear and was told we have to go. Its the last one of the year etc.
I yielded and thought sure.
She phoned me and asked me that I need to arrange a time with them and buy drinks to bring. She is busy at work and will be late.
After I asked to rather cancel it was expected that I must go on my own she will meet me and the kids there.
Am I the A Hole for saying how frustrated I am and did not want to go. And refusing to go until she is home and ready for us to go?
INFO: What?
Lmao this is exactly how I felt by the time I got to the end
Yeah, INFO OP – please rewrite this in a way that is understandable to humans? The weird passive voice and third person – make this readable!!!!
NTA
You didn’t want to go, you agreed anyway, and now she’s late and expects you to handle everything alone. It’s totally fair to say you’re not going until she’s ready.
Exactly, expecting him to handle everything alone when he already didn’t want to go is unfair. Waiting for her makes total sense.
lol “handle everything alone” — come on, it’s sending a few texts and picking up some drinks along the way. Is it annoying? Sure. But I’ll bet the wife has done this on their behalf hundreds of times so he can do it once and not whine about it.
I mean, not if she’s the only one who wants to go. If she wants to do it then she needs to handle arranging it.
At the moment it feels like there are no assholes here. I think it’s reasonable to want your husband to go with you to a social event, and maybe go early so the kids can have fun (if the kids enjoy it). it’s also reasonable to not want to go and want to go together as a family. Did she say why she wants you to go ahead first?
I do want to address this though:
>Not because I dont like them but they are not the type of people I really enjoy hanging out with.
That means you don’t like them, so INFO: Why don’t you like them?
There is this one guy in the group that is always talking about himself and interrups coversation. I tried, but cannot get along with such a prick. It kind of make me not wanting to hang out with that group.
Me M39 and wife F36, the rest are mid 40’s and 50’s
I do not have alot in common with them either
INFO: is this primarily a type of event where families get together and your kids want to go?
NTA – so not only do you have to go but you have to go alone? Fuck that
I mean for sure more INFO needed here, who are the group of people? Other parents friends? Extended family? Community gathering? A school thing? Does it impact your children if they go or not, or does affect you or her in any way?
It sounds like its a regular thing happening, since its not the first time you went and “is the last one of the year”
I dont think going before and taking the children is a big deal, if any deal tbh. She is not going for drinks and then joining you, she’s working.
Info: Is your wife the main coordinator of you and your children’s social plans and much of your shared social life? Is this group of friends important to her or your kids? For shared activities, is she usually the one coordinating a time and sorting out what to bring?
I think it depends on how often this happens but if this is a rare or one-off thing, then yes YTA for refusing.
If your wife is constantly doing all the work in maintaining relationships with people for you both and your children or this is just something that’s fairly important to her, then yes sometimes you need to help out when she’s busy.
Marriage is a partnership. You have to help each other out. If you have a marriage where you two don’t pitch in for each other, then your problems run a lot deeper than this one event.
No assholes but is it really that big of a fucking deal that you had to post this. You sound exhausting.