I (32) Female married to (33) male booked a fancy dinner for my sisters birthday for us and our two partners. It was going to cost potentially $500-$600 and my mum suprised us by giving us $1000 to cover the dinner. I feel my partner regularly takes things I say in a defensive manner and doesn’t actually see what I’m saying how I meant to say it. He will usually always see the negative way first and get upset at me instead of trying to calmly see what I’m trying to out across. He has adhd and they do get defensive very quickly and take things super personally when they aren’t men at to be. Please read our text conversation and let me know if my delivery was wrong. I was only meaning to say all of us combined not to try and use the entire $1000 for the dinner just because mum gave it and I’d like to give her some back and he seemed to take it to another level by saying he will pay for his own dinner if I think he will abuse mums kindness. Conversation is copy paste from messages:
Me: Did mum give u money
Him: $1000 for all our dinners tonight
She almost got mad at me when I said no you don’t have to lol 😂
Me: Jesus Christ
We won’t even spend $1000
Maybe like $550 I was thinking
I’m gonna call her after
Him: She said to return whatever we don’t use
So we can maybe give cash to her and then use your mums money to pay
Let’s give $300 cash from us (he is talking about giving $300 to my sisters bday gift from our personal money, not from mums money for dinner. This $300 is not included in mums money to clarify)
Because dinner is now covered
Me: hmm
I don’t want to go ham though on dinner
Just because
And abuse mums kindness I don feel good about that
Him: I shouldn’t be too hungry away
Me: let’s still be mindful and normal as we would have
Him: I am happy to pay for my own dinner if you’re worried I will abuse your mums kindness…..
Me: what the fuck??
Is that really what I said
Him: Isn’t that what you just said ?
Like 3 messages up
Me: Did I say you
Seriously
Why are u doing This
I meant myself included
As a collective I’d like to give some money back to her not use it all
Not anyone in particular
Him: What am I doing? I am literally replying to your message where you said you don’t want to abuse your mums generosity.
Which I have NEVER! But if there is even a shadow of doubt that you think I might do that. I will pay for my own dinner.
Me: I just don’t have energy for this right now
Your right I’m wrong
Him: Stop fighting with me… I have done nothing to you. Apart from replying to the text that YOU sent.
Me: I’m literally shock nowhere in there did I call you an abuser
Just saying I wanted us to be mindful so we don’t just go spending $1000
Him: THEN WHY DIDNT YOU IUST SAY IT LIKE THAT?!!!!