I (19M) own two cars. One is winter-capable (AWD, winter tires, etc.), and the other absolutely is not it’s still on summer tires and basically unusable now that it’s cold. And icy outside
We’re currently dealing with winter temps around 7–20°F most days, so realistically only one car is safe to drive right now.
My girlfriend (19F) doesn’t own a car. Usually this isn’t a problem because we go places together such as university, errands, etc. But recently she asked if she could start taking my car out by herself when she needs to go places, since it’s getting really cold.
I told her no.
To be clear, it’s not because I think she’s a bad driver or that she’s going to crash it. My reasoning is:
• I want to have access to my own car in case something comes up unexpectedly
• I’m paying 100% of the insurance, maintenance, tires, registration, and repairs
• Only one of my cars is actually usable right now, so if she takes it, I’m stuck
I did tell her that if she wanted regular access to one of my cars, she’d need to help pay for the costs but honestly, that was mostly a way to get her to drop the issue. In reality, I don’t want her driving my car in general. It’s something I’ve paid for, maintain myself, and rely on daily, and I’m not comfortable giving up control of it.
I also suggested that if she needs to go somewhere on her own, she could just use Uber or another rideshare, which she didn’t like and said made her feel dismissed.
She thinks that’s unfair and says I’m being selfish since we’re dating and she needs transportation in the cold.
YTA (but hear me out)
Cars are not a trivial thing. If you say no, the answer is no. The fact that you have two and that they are not just rocking all weather tires indicates to me that you take cars seriously and they are important to you. She needs to respect that.
The judgement is for telling her a lie, which is literally what you asked us to judge you on. You don’t want her to drive your car, ever. Don’t give her a path to do a thing you will refuse when she decides it’s worth it to pitch in for the bills
YTA
Not for the car thing, but for being deceitful and trying to manipulate her.
“I did tell her that if she wanted regular access to one of my cars, she’d need to help pay for the costs ***but honestly, that was mostly a way to get her to drop the issue***.”
Grow a pair. Use your words.
“Hey babe, the Mustang is a no-go in the cold because those summer tires and RWD are an accident waiting to happen. So that leaves one car, and I really, really hate the feeling of being stranded with no vehicle–and that’s how I would be if you took it.”
Yeah, OP is definitely handling this like the teenager he is, but hopefully this can be a learning experience on how to properly communicate with a partner. Maybe he needs to interact with a small child to learn just how dangerous empty offers you *think* they’ll decline can be lol