My sister had her first baby about a year ago, and ever since then, everything her child does is apparently genius-level. I get that she’s excited. I really do love my niece with all my heart. But it’s become constant.If the baby claps, she says it’s early development. If the baby says “mama,” she says most babies don’t talk that clearly yet. If the baby stacks two blocks, she says she might have a future engineer. She’s even hinted a few times that her pediatrician is “very impressed,” which I honestly think is just normal doctor politeness. At family gatherings, she’ll ask things like, “Did your kids do this this early?” or “Isn’t she so advanced?” It’s always framed like a question, but it feels like she’s fishing for validation that her child is ahead.The other day at dinner she was going on about how her baby is definitely gifted because she recognizes animals in a book. I laughed and said, she’s a normal baby. You’re just biased because she’s yours.
My sister got visibly upset and said I was being dismissive and negative. She later texted me saying I embarrassed her and that as her sister I should hype her up instead of minimizing her child. I honestly didn’t mean it cruelly. I just think every parent thinks their kid is exceptional, and it gets exhausting hearing constant comparisons. I wasn’t attacking the baby, just the narrative.
Ive already apologized to her and she seems fine but I know my sister and I can tell she’s still a bit upset.
AITAH
Ehhhh NTA
Yeah maybe it wasn’t the *best* thing for you to say but it’s probably something your sister needed to hear a few times. Yes I’m sure she’s super excited about her child and but this sort of “my baby is gifted/advanced/a genius” can very easily shift into the type of parenting that can hurt the child in the long run. That “my child is perfect” mentality.
Children develop at different levels and speeds and it doesn’t necessarily mean that one is “behind” or one is “gifted”.
Yeah that worried me too. She might be really demanding or one of those parents who raises a monster
I’m a teacher, and the amount of parents who think their child is gifted is astonishing. Normal kids are considered gifted by mum and dad. These kids are told they are soooooo special since they are babies.
They are not doing the kids any favour.
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And then there’s my mother, who rejected the schools offer to put me in a gifted program cause she didn’t want me to be “weird” – I only found out when she said it as a fun fact recently 🫠
Yeah. I was in those gifted programs. The jokes that we all grew up to be anxiety ridden adults who perfected procrastination and learned later that we are neurodivergent are funny because they are true. 😅
My life in a nutshell. The high level of undiagnosed AuDHD or ADHD is real in these groups, especially the girls.
Yep, severely ADHD woman here who didn’t get diagnosed until I was 46. Struggles my whole life wondering how I could be so smart and so dumb at the same time. Never living up to my potential. Fml
I’m 34F and can relate so hard. Graduated tippy top of my law school class, near-perfect score on the bar exam, and can’t figure out when other moms want to be my friend or when they’re just being polite because I’m the only adult in the room.
You will probably get lots of people tell you you’re the AH but I disagree and I don’t think you are.
Are you supposed to sit there and blow smoke up your sister’s butt with “wow, your child is amazing, your child is a genius”. Yes your sister can be excited but if she places her child on a pedestal that’s how spoiled entitled brats happen.
NAH
Look it’s INCREDIBLY annoying when people think their kids are “super extra more better” than other kids. But it also sounds like your sister is super extra more anxious than she needs to be about her babys development. She’s anxious and looking for validation that her kid is actually doing ok. I have a kid who’s an adult now and a toddler, the difference in expectations and focus on milestones is crazy. Its a huge micro focus on every single movement your baby makes and comparison to others and seeing other babies on social media and every other mother she meets saying how amazing their baby is. Maybe ask your sister about her day to day with baby and what kind of activities she does with baby and check out what milestones she reached. It’s also worth noting my toddler was way ahead of my two friends babies when it came to listening and focus but was almost a year behind them both with walking, so all kids are different.
NAH
Your sister is in the thick of child development so for her, its a foreground thought. Lots of people worry about their kiddos not hitting development milestones on time, and sometimes seeing your kid reach them ahead is a big relief. Your sister 100% is seeking comfort and validation when asking these kinds of questions.
On your end, your niece is a baby doing baby things. It probably doesn’t feel important to you because she’s hitting the milestones she’s supposed to. But because you’re not invested in development the same way her parent is, its easy to be dismissive.
You’ve apologized which was the right move and it might take a moment for your sister to shake feeling like she’s being embarrassing.
Tell her the truth you adore the baby but her seeking constant validation that her child is exceptional is exhausting. That she should get a hold of it now because as her child grows that can easily become pressure to never fail and always be exceptional which no child can deliver or result in her kid being a narcissist.
As a mother, wholeheartedly: NTA
Baby and toddler milestones are a whole thing, it’s very toxic to make this into a competition. some do stuff earlier, some do later, it means nothing, but new parents are frequently stressed about this stuff and if she’s like this around other mums whose babies are not developing as fast, she absolutely will stress them out and it should be pointed out to her that this is NOT a competition, that it means nothing and that she needs to calm down.
Not to mention that it’s unhealthy for the baby itself as well to have the parents THIS invested. she’s developing early now, what happens if her speech is delayed? her mum is going to be putting so much pressure on that poor baby and herself to keep this up and it will be harmful to everyone. again, very important to point out to her before she makes her entire personality about this.
friends won’t do this, but you’re family, you should absolutely talk to her about this.