So I’m getting married in 7 months and my biggest dilemma is figuring out who to walk me down the aisle.
For background, my father and I have always had a rocky relationship. For the first 8 years of my life he would come and go as he pleased. Literally live with my mom and I for a few months, then leave for a few months. When I was 8 they split for good and my father started abusing me mentally, verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically. It’s also important for me to note that he domestically abused my mother my whole life.
Up until I was 14 I was in a severe depression because of this, but he went through tons of counselling and anger management courses which somewhat helped. We’ve gotten into a few pretty bad arguments in the last 10ish years since then, but nothing as bad as it used to be. We’ve really been working on our relationship and he has improved.
At the end of the day, he did do terrible things to me in the past which have left me with a permanent scar I just have to live with. But now that my wedding is approaching I just don’t know if I want him walking me down the aisle even if things have gotten better.
To be clear, my mom remarried when I was 9 to the most amazing man and father figure I could’ve ever hoped for(let’s call him Mike). I really love him and I see him as my dad; I have no clue what I’d do without him. Which also makes this worse, is my dad really hates him. Mike has always stood up for me when my dad’s been berating me and it really intimidates my dad, but I appreciate it more than mike knows. It has resulted in physical altercations, ending with my dad willing to sue him (although he never goes through with it).
Now that you have most of the info do you think it’s fair for me to have Mike walk me down the aisle even though my dad and I have technically fixed our relationship now? AITAH?
NTA. Who you have at your wedding is up to you and your fiancé.
NTA. He’s not your stepdad he’s just your dad. Your biological father lost the term dad when he left you and began to abuse you. I think your stepdad would really appreciate walking you down the aisle.
>I really love him and I see him as my dad
That’s all the reason in the world that you need.
NTA
YWBTA if you have your BIRTH father walk you down the aisle. You ACTUAL father is your step father. He has earned the right to walk you down the aisle. Blood does not equal family. Family is those who step up and are there for you and lift you up.
NTA. Your wedding is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life. Have the person who brings you happiness walk you down the aisle, not the one who tears you down.
NTA
Any jackass can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad. Ask your step-dad.
Step dad without question
It would be insulting to choose anyone other than Mike to walk you down the aisle. You can do both, but personally I wouldn’t.
I think YWBTA if you even invited your bio dad. He would bring nothing but pain and anger to your special day.
NTA. Your dad hates him for being the father he refused to be. Your step-dad should absolutely walk you if you want him to and it’s what feels right for you. There’s more to being a parent than fertilizing an egg. The scars you live with are real, the detachment is justified, and you have someone that proved you matter to him despite not sharing blood. That kind of love is precious as it supersedes the “I have to love you cuz you’re family” type of love – your step-dad chose to be in your life and chose to love you. Let him have the honor.
NTA – your step dad is your real dad. The man who loves and protects you and cares about you. Get him to do the speech as well.
NTA
Step-father earned the honor; ~~rea~~l bio father doesn’t deserve it. It’s that simple.
I don’t know why this is even a question for you. Team Stepdad (real dad in my book).
NTA
But I would gently suggest you work through the emotions of why you are even considering giving this man who made your childhood dangerous a spotlight during your wedding.
NTA let Mike walk you down the aisle, he’s your dad. If your bio-dad won’t be able handle that like a mature adult, he’ll need to skip the wedding because it isn’t about him.