My MIL offered to throw us a baby shower for her first grandchild. Everyone is super excited and the baby comes as an unexpected surprise since we are in our early 40s. I have said that I have no issues with any theme etc and I was perfectly fine with her handling jt. I mean I would like some input but at the same time I know input can create extra stress and it’s not that big of a deal to me.
Here is the issue where maybe I am the AH….We have mentioned a name we are pretty sure about to our immediate family and a few close friends but when I have mentioned the name, I have had a lot of unsolicited opinions etc and it does make me think twice about the name even though we do love it. It also makes me feel bad about the name overall and it hurts my feelings.
My MIL sent us a photo of the shower invite and in huge letters has his first name we are thinking about going with on the shower invite. We hadn’t specifically said it’s a secret but I also didn’t really think that the baby’s name would be announced this way. It stressed me out immediately bc it’s just providing more people to put their input on the name before the birth. We should have in all honesty never told anyone the name but it’s too late now.
We asked if the image was a proof and if the name could be removed but she stated it was finalized. I thought an appropriate option would be to explain the name boundary and my reservations and offer to pay for the exact same invites just without the baby’s name included.
She has now stated for us to purchase (no issue) new invites we like, have us set up as the RSVP person on them and mail all the invites ourselves. Which seems out of the way since she’s hosting the event and should know about RSVPs etc…She mentioned this is a gift and we shouldn’t be inputting anything to the shower she’s kindly offering to throw us. I agree that it’s a kind gesture and if i had said anything about the look or theme etc that would be entirely overstepping and rude but is asking and offering to repurchase the invites with no baby name and now having these extra steps and saying we aren’t grateful warranted? I was going to use the same invites etc because I honestly do not know the theme so it wasn’t about the looks of the invite etc.
AITAH? Did I overstep? Should I just let the name be on there and deal with any opinions etc. It seems as though this shower is already going towards the uncomfortable and should I even have a shower?
NTA, why would MIL think it’s appropriate to have the names on the invites anyway. Baby might get here and you might decide the name doesn’t suit him. I would be getting your OH to have a word. She’s being ridiculous.
Or maybe there was mistake and your baby boy is actually a girl.
NTA. You offered to pay for new ones. It’s irrational that they can’t understand why you aren’t comfortable having a name you haven’t even completely settle on blasted on the invite.
Now she is being really petty about it. That’s a very immature response to the situation.
Mil wants to be the one to announce the name. That’s why she’s throwing a temper tantrum.
It’s a power move. Shut the entire baby shower done and let everyone know a new invite will be sent by the new host – you. Pick a different date and time and be done.
NTA – this name is not official until he is born, she is overstepping.
Nta but she is overstepping greatly and if she isn’t ok with you not wanting to give the name away…she’s the problem and maybe shouldn’t be throwing the shower.
She is trying to be the one to announce the baby name. I rarely encourage lying. I hate it with a passion. BUT…I’d be tempted to tell her there was such back lash the name is being changed.
NTA and i would cancel the shower. it’ll just be a headache for you, she is a piece of work. it is obviously not actually a “gift” if this is her reaction to being asked to not break OBVIOUS social rules.
She seems lovely. When are you moving far away?
NTA – Another option is just to go with it, arrive at the shower, and when the name is brought up say:
>*Oh! Yes, about the name. \[MIL’s name here\] let that front-runner out of the bag. It’s actually undecided. We’re also thinking about X, Y and Z…*
That puts her in the spotlight, heads will swivel to her, she will become defensive. That way, if someone does get something monogrammed, or personalized, it WILL be the right name, but kinda puts MIL on the spot, an uncomfortable one.
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She overstepped by “finalizing” the invites without your input. Your milestones (like sharing the name or any announcements or info) are yours and yours alone.
NTAH
YOU DID NOT OVERSTEP
I have been a MIL for 30 years and a grandmother for 24. I am here to tell you that your MIL overstepped badly in displaying your unborn child’s possible name without your express permission. She has doubled down most unkindly.
Just tell her thank you but please forget about the whole thing, that you do not want the baby’s name announced before it is even finalized, that you have no intention of taking on the management of the guest list, and that the possible pleasure that a shower could have given you has been effectively ruined by her overreaction.
Then block anyone in the family that disturbs your peace.
NTA. I threw a baby shower last year and put together a proof and had mom to be and my co-host review and ok before I clicked order. I assumed that’s what normal people do, but I could be mistaken there.
Just cancel the shower. NTA but it seems like this is just going to be more of a conflict than a “gift.”