I (f45) have always felt like the black sheep of the family. I’m the classic “middle child”. I’ve never really felt like I am a part of the family since my grandmother passed away and last year kind of sealed it for me. For some context, I have 3 adult children and currently 4 grandchildren. I am divorced from my children’s father. Last year my entire family and extended family gathered at my sisters house (my late grandmother’s house, a whole other point of contention) and I literally sat in the corner and watched everyone but me get acknowledgment and gifts. I’m not materialistic at all, but it felt like not one person, aside from my grandchildren and nieces, cared I was there. I know there’s going to be people who will blame me, so to further explain my relationship with my children, aside from Christmas, I typically have a good relationship with them. As a mother, I would sacrifice everything for my children, adult or not. I just felt invisible and like I only matter when someone needs something, so AITAH if I just drop off the gifts and leave?
INFO have you discussed with your children how you felt? If you haven’t and simply don’t attend Christmas (or even if you tell them you’re pulling out only 3 days before) this seems likely to damage your good relationship with them.
INFO: why aren’t you having your own separate Christmas celebration with your own children and grandchildren? I mean your immediate family is an individual unit onto themselves at this point. Everyone outside of that is extended family.
My mother is not in the best of health, so it’s easier to have everyone in the same place and since my sister lives next door in the bigger house, everyone goes there
Your mother does not have to be part of *your* Christmas day celebration. Visit her Christmas eve or the day after.
You don’t want to read this but you sound like my sister Heddie and more damning words have rather been said. The world does not revolve around you. Grow up.
I’m sorry that’s what you think I meant. If you actually knew me in person, accusing me of thinking the world revolves around me is the last thing you would accuse me of. I have always sacrificed my time and happiness for my family because that’s what I believed family does for each other. Your comment is noted, but extremely off base.
IMO there’s not enough info to make a judgement call here. Also, this should be tagged with W. I. B. T. A.
You explained how you behave towards your children, but neither how they behave towards you specifically, nor how they actually react to the way you behave towards them. There’s isn’t enough info on these relationships to know what the fallout would look like. Although, I will say, if you do go the route of giving gifts, but not going to the gathering, don’t go to the gathering to drop off the gifts, send them via mail or give them directly because dropping them off and leaving day of makes it overly dramatic and blatantly intentional.
YTA. You have three adult children, and NONE of them bought you a Christmas gift last year?
There’s definitely reasons for that.
One child could be selfishness from that child, but 3 out of 3 is significant.
Why don’t they buy you gifts?
Is this new?
You say they are all adults, and you have grandchildren?
How old are your children, and your grandchildren – and what have the last few years looked like at Christmas.
Honestly, YTA. You seem to be jaded and willing to destroy what relationship you do have with your kids and grandkids over this… whatever it is. Grow up.
You’re a grown arse woman with kids and grandkids. Why the hell arent you hosting your immediate Christmas if you don’t like going to your sisters (grandmothers) house. As for your implied contention over where your sister lives, the time for dealing with that issue has well and truely passed. If your grandmothers will wasn’t executed properly, you should have dealt with it then. If the terms of the will were executed, then shut up and get over it.