I (F46) fitted a new kitchen with my husband (M50) in July, he kept his tools in the back end of the living room by the dining table, it was fine then because he was using the tools and no one uses the dining table anyways. However, the kitchen was finished 5 months ago now and the tools remain in the living room. I have been asking him to move his tools however he keeps saying "No, i’ll get around to it when I get around to it". He goes to wokr at 7am comes home from work at 3:30pm and is in bed from then until 6:30 everyday, then he sits on the sofa and doesn’t move for the rest of the night. I cook, clean, do the laundry, wash the dishes, feed the dogs, mop the floor and work 2 jobs, 8am-2:30pm and 4:45pm-8pm.
Now, it is getting closer to Christmas and I would like to get that back room decorated and opened for Christmas and decorate the dining table, however, with all the tools, it is hardly accessible without having to step around it all. Further, the dogs have free roam of the house and may hurt themselves on the tools.
AITAH for "nagging" him about moving his tools back into the garage?
Edit: By tools, I am not meaning a tool box and a drill, I would of course move that myself. However, to be more specific, as well as a tool box and drill, the ‘tools’ consist of long kickboards, kitchen cabinets that weren’t used or were taken down from the previous kitchen and shelves.
Put them in a box and wrap them
They’re now his Christmas gifts.
Hahaha that’s funny, I might wrap a few of them and put them under the tree
And stop doing HIS laundry. Or anything that solely benefits him (including making dishes that he enjoys but no one else does).
You have been enabling his bad behavior.
do you really need to ask?
look, it sounds like your husband is burnt out, maybe even depressed. but he’s an adult, so it’s on him to get some help and work on getting better.
do you two talk about chores, like at all?
I ask him for help around the house. Fair enough he is not a great cook lol. He is on anxiety and depression tablets you’re right, however, he often uses not taking his tablets as a threat as he has an awful temper off of them. He complained the tablets were what were making him so tired, but when he stopped taking them for 2 months, his anger worsened but he still went for a nap daily.
I don’t want to seem as if I have a victim complex and am trying to make him out to be a bad man, because he can be fun when he’s in a good mood, but after being told by my husband and our son that I am being “petty” and “nagging”, I can’t tell if I really am being unreasonable or not anymore.
You are not being unreasonable.
The tools have been sitting there for FIVE MONTHS.
I suggested getting rid of the tools in my judgment comment (or threatening to) but if he has a temper, look, second option:
Tell him, once a day, that he needs to move the tools or you can’t get the room ready for Christmas.
And if he still doesn’t move them, start making plans about where you are going for Christmas.
I don’t know how much time you feel you need to properly prep for Christmas, but if he hasn’t moved his tools by that time, stop asking him to, and just leave the house on 24th December, and go have a nice Christmas somewhere else. WHEREVER else. Leave him alone in the inaccessible sitting room with his tools. Switch your phone off.
And if you have a happier Christmas without him than with him…. maybe consider making the happiness permanent.
He can’t just go off his meds when he feels like it. Anti depression meds have to be weaned off. It is dangerous for him to do that. He could become suicidal.
I would add this info to your post. Some of the suggestions people are making might be dangerous in light of this info.
It is NOT ok that he is threatening you with self harm and unchecked anger.
If his medication is making him tired, he needs to talk to his doctor about that; they may need to change his dosage or switch him to a different medication.
I’m sorry…why is your son talking to you this way?
NTA
I would stop nagging.
Tell him either he moves the tools into the garage where they belong by Friday, as you’re going to start getting the room ready for Christmas at the weekend, or on Friday evening you will be taking photos of the tools and posting them free for collection on Facebook share.
Make sure he sees you doing it. Sit down next to him and start loading the photos on to a Facebook share post.
He sounds like a tool.
INFO: What does he do other than report to work? Chores that are only his? Hobbies? Time with friends? Taking you out on dates? Father and son time? There seems to be a serious input/output imbalance here and I’m wondering if this is recent or the way it always has been?
NTA. Girl what does this boy contribute to your life? Sounds like him leaving would vastly improve your life.
No more cooking for him, or laundry. “I’ll get to it”
NTA