I (25f) cannot handle my MIL. So we have sent out all physical invites to all of our guest by now but to save money and stamps we’ve decided to hand give close relatives their invites. Or atleast give it to a designated person in each family to hand out to the rest of their nuclear families.
My MIL has one sister who lives in the next state over but her kids live in the state we reside in. I see her kids often so I gave her oldest daughter the invites for her parents (the aunt we are discussion) and all of the siblings.
The supposed aunt was supposed to visit last weekend but didn’t due to weather. So now her daughter has her physical wedding invite.
My MIL though is TWEAKING out about the fact that her sister hasn’t gotten her physical invite yet and that the daughter has it. And get this, the aunt is confirmed to be coming, she is helping my MIL set up some things, so this aunt knows all the details and it’s confirmed to be coming. My fiance had told my MIL that the aunt will get it eventually and again she is already coming anyways.
My MIL keeps asking and texting us about it, I’ve started ignoring her when she asks us. I understand for formality to send the invite but AGAIN, the aunt will be getting it eventually and it’s not like we don’t think she’s isn’t going to come if she didn’t use the invite to rsvp. WE KNOW SHES COMING SO LETS SAVE SOME PAPER AND STAMPS. I just refuse to send her a “new invite” when her daughter already has the invite and will be able to give it to her mom soon.
AITAH for just not sending a new invite to the aunt.
Edit for more context: I’m already having a 600+ person wedding. I’ve bought 400+ physical invitations and have mailed 300+, my FIL and MIL are purposely over inviting which means I am having to buy more invitation things due to them wanting to over invite. That’s another issue within itself. I’ve already spend well over $1k on invites. I’m over it
ESH! You’re getting married. Send everyone a invitation by mail.
ESH – While I agree that there is no urgency if they are a confirmed guest. However if the MIL is making a big fuss about it I’d just want to shut the MIL up and some paper and some stamps is a very cheap solution to the problem(even if you feel it isn’t one). Send it out and move on. It’s only a few dollars. This is not the hill to die on. Hell, I’d send out a dozen if it meant the problem went away.
I mean JHC just buy a stamp. It’s your MIL. Keep the peace. It will go a long way. Being right isn’t going to get you as far as you think it does. You catch more flies with honey. I know it’s stressful. I know you are factually correct. But this is important to her, especially as sister is helping you with this shindig. So mail the invite and shut this down. Pick your battles.
Esh
While I get the desire to save money, it is tacky to ask someone to deliver the invite to someone else. Greater chance of the invite not getting past along or getting lost. Then you have to worry if someone just didn’t pass it along.
But I think MIl should take a step back and just listen to you.
YTA. Stop demanding that other people play Pony Express for you so you can cheap out on the postage of all things.
Is this really the hill you want to die on? Listen, as with most of Reddit, this ain’t about the invite but at the same time do you honestly want to be telling people 10 years from now that the reason you and MIL hate each other is over an envelope that probably cost less than a dollar to send? Do you want to explain to your future kids that Mom and Grandma don’t talk because of mail? I don’t think your the asshole but sometime you gotta look at the bigger picture. You want to draw a line in the sand for boundaries you absolutely should but not over the cost of a stamp.
NTA for the algorithm.
Your writing style is funny and I enjoyed it, but how cheap are you? Unless you’re, like, well below the poverty line and forgot to mention it, just put the damn invites in envelopes with some damn stamps on them. (Based on other AITA’s I’ve seen, relying on relatives to deliver invites to other relatives is a recipe for disaster anyway.)
Judgment is ESH, you for the above reason and MIL because she is way overestimating the extent to which this is any of her business.
ESH. How many TOTAL invitations are you/someone hand delivering?
A stamp is 78 cents. A whole book of forever stamps is $15.60 cents.
Stop being cheap. Have the people who are holding the cards get them in the mail tomorrow, or if you have more cards, get a new card in the mail tomorrow yourself.
YTA and also not being very smart.
You’r future MIL would like you to have an invitation sent through the mail to her sister. You’re not willing to spend a couple bucks on some stamps to appease her?
I guess you’d rather cut off your nose to spite your face. That’s a great way to go into a marriage.
And, what do you mean by “supposed Aunt”? Are you questioning whether she really exists or that she’s really your fiance’s aunt?
YTA. All of this drama easily could have been avoided by not cheaping out on stamps.
YTA Do you live in some strange land where stamps are hundreds of dollars? They’re stamps and envelopes, they’re cheap. If youre affording a wedding to the extent it requires “setting things up”, you can surely afford an extra 30 bucks to mail all the invites.
Put your ego of wanting to “be right” and have the control to the side and do the proper thing and actually send people their invites.
Info- I read a comment that you’re having 600 wedding guests and that you’re not made out of money…so who is paying for this wedding? If you’re struggling to send 600 invitations and want to save money, then why are you having a wedding with 600 guests?
You’re having a “600+ person wedding” and your idea to save money is by not mailing invites to close relatives? Is this real? Lmfao YTA 🥴