Am I(32F) being gaslight by my ex(31M) after 10+ years

This is pretty long explanation but a very genuine question

For context: Me(32F) and my ex(31M) met and dated when were younger. I was 17, him 16 and we dated roughly over 2 years. He was honestly a great boyfriend to me, and the things we had to grow through together, and learn, and share, built us a strong bond and reliance on one another.  I can honestly say I’ll always care for him as a person, and friend. I dealt with a lot of problems at home growing up and he was my rock. The only problem we had in our relationship was that, he just wouldn’t stop cheating. So often, so much that it was literally breaking my heart and my faith in love. Being so young and naïve I always forgave him, mind you he was my first love and my first actual relationship. So I always gave the benefit of the doubt, I always thought he would change, just honestly pretty delulu. When I was 19, something snapped inside of me, making me realize my self worth, and what he didn’t cherish and respect. So I finally walked away from him for good.

Fast forward, we both moved on with our lives, I had my daughter at 21, and my son at 29 and he also had two children when he turned 21, and another one at 28. Neither of us married. Over the past 10 years, there have been moments in our lives where we would make contact, catch up on life, just try and reconcile. He would always explain to me how I was always the one for him and how he never stopped loving me. I was the only one there for him when we were young. I never judged him, or used him, I was the only person to love him for him, (another thing is that we were broke as kids, and I was the only one working and financially supporting us through whatever we were dealing with at the time. He was always in the streets, not really focused or caring about building something for us, which is ultimately another big reason why I chose to walk away when I was 19.) But now as adults, he has always been in very comfortable financial situations and is a good provider in his relationships and to his kids.

Over these past 10 years we had multiple times of contact, but it was always him reaching out, never me. And sometimes he would have to find very elaborate ways to even find my contact info, but needless to say he always found a way. There’s only been 2 of the times where he’s come around he was asking for another chance, saying he is ready to be what I need and I foolishly believed him, both times gave him the opportunity to show me.. which he obviously absolutely failed each time.
Now even through all of that, I can say that over the last 10 years I did see a difference and a growth in him. However, I have also done my own self-healing and growing too. I recently found a new relationship with God, I found an understanding of what I need as a woman and what I want in a partner and what I will not settle or waste my time on anymore. I am interested in marriage and whoever I choose to date needs to be on the same page as me, or I walk away.

 Well now its been around 2 years since the last contact I’ve had with him, and now he’s back again. This time he is asking me to marry him. Not right now at this moment of course, and no official proposal, but he says he realizes the things he has been chasing these last 10 years are not fulfilling. He’s ready for a family, a wife, a home. He wants to be a husband and provide and lead and take care of me. He is ready to settle down and be with 1 person and build a comfortable life. And he says he wants that with me.. He says right now he’s going to focus on his career and get a house and set up things for us to be comfortable, which are his goals over the next 2 years.

I told him that all sounds great, but for us to just focus on ourselves right now, not focus on a relationship, not focus on anything to do with each other, but for him to just focus solely on bettering himself and his life. And that if he really wants those things with me then he will do it, and then give me those things when he has them to offer.

I told him straight up I would only like to be friends right now and his rebuttal was that he is interested in something serious with me and will be patient. With that being said, I have set up some pretty strong boundaries with him. In the past it was always easy to get obsessed with talking to him or seeing him or just wanting his attention and time, but this time I am so cold and nonchalant, I never text him first, I only respond if I am not busy doing something, I never answer his calls but call him back later. I am even still on dating apps and open to meeting or connecting with somebody else. Because I honestly don’t know how serious to take things with him.  

It’s been a little over a month since we’ve been in contact, and we have hung out twice strictly platonic ways, he’s already bought me a small, but very thoughtful gift, and he’s also invited me on weekend trip out of town that he will pay for. All of these things I have agreed to and am open to sharing the experiences with him. However, I’m not sure if I am doing the right thing by opening up to him again. I don’t feel emotionally connected to him as of yet. I still feel like I could just block him and stop talking to him today and would have no bad feelings about it. But I am also concerned that I may be missing out on my blessings too. I have not met another person that makes me as comfortable as he does. I can honestly 100% truly be myself around him and I haven’t found that with any other relationships in my life so far.

We speak about wanting the same things in life, & I feel in my heart he is being genuine about what he wants in his life too, I just question if it’s really with me. I have been fed so much bs and had been gaslit for so long, that I don’t think I’m wrong for being cautious and setting boundaries. But then again, I feel like why am I opening up the connection/contact if I can’t trust him.

I very much believe in “if he wanted to he will.” I also believe people need time and experiences to know when they are ready to commit and marry someone. Has over 10 years been enough?

My biggest problem in relationships is that when I love, I love hard. I love unconditionally, and I aim to build. I am very self-reliant, and I am very independent so in finding my life partner I ultimately want to let that go. I want to be with someone I can rely and depend on. I want things to be traditional, but I also do not mind helping my husband build to get to where he needs to be, so that we can be comfortable together. Also having God at the center of our relationship is also very important to me too. (He’s also made two great gestures to express his interest and understanding in my faith and says he wants a stronger relationship with God too.)

This trip he planned is coming up in 3 days and any advice would be super helpful. I do feel like this trip is going to make me open up to him again and ease up on some boundaries I set, but I can’t decide if it’s the right thing to do. I also worry that if I continue to keep this wall up, then the opportunities for me to reconnect with him and start building a foundation will be missed and eventually die down.

Is this faith and meant to be? Or am I being gaslit again?