Hello
Okay so this gonna be a long post but if you are reading please bear with me 🙂 I am a 20 year old last year college student or u might say sem 5 gonna turn twenty ONE in few months. I have a boyfriend since 2024 and we gonna turn 2 years together next March ( only if we are still together). But the fact I have been feeling drained out because of my relationship. Not bcz he is a bad guy or stuffs but of my lingering insecurity which i have acquired from my prev relationship where i have been cheated, assaulted, followed and threatened. A minor inconvenience happens and i resort to breaking up with him and often misbehave. Random breakouts are common for me but I dont show that to my bf and because of that he may think i am just iron hearted.
Today something happened ik this may sound silly but fr i am on the verge of tears while writing this. Today my father saw our call logs and was asking me about him so i made up some college friend excuse and got scared. I messaged him regarding that urgently but what he replied was just an emoji with ebaba ( we are bengalis- it means oh no). I was just panicking and texted him further for some suggestions. He just replied like 1 hour later asking me yes tell etc etc. I asked him that was an urgent thing i needed to sort out i needed his advice at that moment. He said oh i was out with my father and couldnot text you bcz both of my hands were engaged. But fyki i dropped a missed call on wp while he wasnot replying, and it said he was on another call. Even in true caller it said so. ( i didnt tell him that i called him and saw that he was engaged in another call. And it seems he also never noticed that i had called him atp.). I just got angry and asked him to stop making excuses he kept saying you know why still r u arguing and kept asking what my dad said. i just replied atleast you are not in trouble. He was like okay good then silence for 10 mins. I was shocked and asked fr are you just concerned abt yourself. Then he started asking nono tell me what did your dad tell you is everything alright. All these are just making me overthink stuffs is he just done with me or is there something really fishy idkk at all.
Moreover I have noticed a pattern he never uses his phn infront of me and never opens any of his socials infront of me. When i take a glance at his phone screen whenever it is on he rapidly turns it off and keeps it inside his pocket. There might be a reason bcz once i was scrolling through his insta dms i saw him texting a girl coNtinuosly ( b4 the relationship) even though she never replied. Idk is that how a man behaves or supposed to behave or is it just me just overthinking because of my horrendous past.
Soo these are the few things that I often face and i am just feeling confused and drained watching these similar patterns of behaviour. I know you all may think i am old enough to sort these out myself but tbh i cannot i dont have any friends to speak to regarding that if i tell either some will gossip around or someone will laugh at me. I am just tired of talking to llms for these issues and i ltrly cant afford to seek a counsellor. I need some advice even if u are younger than me or older? Even if i am wrong please dont stop from pointing that out. TIA lots of blessings 🙂
Reading this gave me flashbacks to my early 20s relationships. You’re not overthinking – those phone behaviors are definitely red flags, especially the rapid screen hiding whenever you glance over. Trust your gut
LLM’s are not good at giving life advice. If you don’t have friends, I think that should be something you prioritize. Find a hobby that requires in person meet ups on a regular basis. Perhaps a sport, an art (choir, theatre group, dancing), a craft or a community endeavor (tree planting, soup van, activism, roleplaying etc). Go every week. Talk to everyone. Arrive early and leave late to give yourself time to get those conversations in. You won’t make friends with everyone there, but you will make friends. It takes time, but it’s worth it. Friends are an essential part of life.
Regarding your boyfriend, you don’t have to stay in a relationship with him. You can break up at any time, for any reason. You don’t need his permission or his agreement. You don’t need to wait until something “bad enough” happens. Relationships are voluntary.
A relationship needs more than just love. It needs trust, kindness, support, honesty, safety, vulnerability, communication and more.
If he’s being secretive about his phone and he’s lying to you about what he’s up to… That’s not good news. Talk to him about it. If you don’t like his answers, you don’t have to stay with him.
“a minor inconvenience happens and i resort to breaking up with him and often misbehave”
pause, this is a bigger issue. What do you mean misbehave? how many times have you guys broke up / got together?
If any sort of therapy or counseling is available to you where you’re at, I’d strongly recommend it.
It doesn’t sound like you’re ready for a relationship to be honest. I’d focus on making regular friends and caring for your mental health and getting to a point where you don’t feel you overreact to things.
I wouldn’t even worry about the guy at this point. He doesn’t sound helpful enough to be worth keeping around while you work on yourself. You haven’t even dated 2 years and you’re still young. It’s just practice atp.
Also you’re not too old to be dealing with this. You’re the exact age range where this sort of thing is usually at it’s worst. It’ll get better. Don’t waste your life chasing a shitty man tho