There was this guy that i have been taking an interest in on my commute. He would always say hi to me but never really approached me
A mutual friend of ours finally got us into talking after i asked her if she knew of him, and she reached out to him on my behalf. The crazy part is, he told our mutual friend that he is indeed single and that its okay for her to give his number to me.
So we started talking and i learned a lot more about him and realized that i actually dont like him- he basically kinda led me on by flirting over texts and even got me some desserts before work. But he wont tell me his relationship status other than its complicated and that he has a 3 year old kid.he did say though that he wanted to hang out so he can explain his situation to me.
Either way it sounds like drama. This just proves why i shouldnt approach men who are simply looking at me because they would have approached if they were single and not involve in some kind of 3rd party!
And i also started to feel like he was pushing me away by saying he converted to a different religion and he understands if i dont want to speak to him again bc not a lot of people like that religion.
Either way. I found out more than enough and i will back off.
Yeah sounds like a dead end.
It sounds like 1) you don’t know this person very well; and 2) you’re not interested.
But you’re asking for what? Clarity? Reinforcement?
In my experience, things that start out complicated are unlikely to get less complicated over time. The beginning should feel effortless. Trust your instinct
‘Complicated’ means whomever he was previously involved with is still in his life in some way. Guaranteed it’s one of these:
-married
-going thru a divorce
-separated
-still lives with his ex or she with him
-has joint custody of the child and she’s still around all the time
That spells drama with a capital D. Good call dropping him before it got started.
Okay, how many more red flags do you need? What are you asking? This situation shows no compatibility. Move on.
“This just proves why i shouldnt approach men who are simply looking at me because they would have approached if they were single and not involve in some kind of 3rd party!”
This absolutely does not prove any of that. There’s a lot of reasons a guy might not approach you if he’s single, and I’d bet this reason you found is like 1.7% of cases or less.
The most likely reason they don’t approach I’d say is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of being called out as a creep in front of a bus load or train load of people, and fear of being plastered online and going viral with a story that twists reality for clicks (fucking up their life in the process).
I mean the first part is just you, like a lot of women, not being able to tolerate potentially being seen as the bad guy, he didn’t “leed you on” you just found out he has a kid from a previous relationship and don’t want to be involved with a parent, that’s fine, own it don’t try to make a guy a villain for your preferences.
The second part is though totally legitimate, most religions are very anti women and converts tend to double down, plus anyone who can be drawn into a religion as an adult outside of prison or terrible trauma / grief is likely not a stable or fully formed person, there is a very good reason they are all desperate to get their hands on children and it sure as hell isn’t that functional adults are easy to convert.
>he basically kinda led me on by flirting over texts and even got me some desserts before work.
How? Are you saying he’s not interested in you? Cause that’s what leading you on means. Showing an interest when not actually interested.
>Either way it sounds like drama. This just proves why i shouldnt approach men who are simply looking at me because they would have approached if they were single
Or they have been conditioned by social media as of late to think it is toxic to approach a female.
You can not talk to him anymore if you dont want to.
That said your conclusion that if he was single , he would have come up to you is an assumption based on nothing. Some people are too shy to start a conversation. Others fear rejection or being labeled a creep. Also, guys who aren’t single often approach women pretending to be single.
In any case, you are overthinking a very simple situation. After talking to the guy a bit, you realized you aren’t into him. That’s all there is to it.
Edit: the books that you are reading seem to be very dumb. Stop reading them. There’s no , one-size-fits-all approach to initiating contact with guys.
Have you ‘actually’ talked to him or was your communication via texting?
Sounds complicated
Have you ever been together in a social setting?
He may be stuck in a bad marriage but feel religiously bound to stay in it. You are right to shy away from Him but expecting every eligiblearentees. man to always make the first move is insane. How do they know that you’re not already taken? It’s a 2 way street. No guarantees.
Does your books on men have a percentage of what men it applies to, or is it broad and sweeping of all men? Hopefully your book says there is more than a single man out there and single approach to starting a relationship, otherwise, you’re doomed! Doomed I tell you!
A male POV is that you found enough out and aren’t interested. Tell him you’re not interested and move on to another guy. Just because one guy expressed interest and didn’t turn out, doesn’t mean much of anything, it’s called life.
I’m so confused by this.
You didn’t approach him…. Your friend did. If your friend didn’t get his number. You wouldn’t be talking to him in the first place.
He said I wanted to talk to you to explain his status…. But you believe this is drama?
He also tells you he is converting to another religion and you instantly believe he is doing this to “push YOU away”….
And the cherry on the cake is apparently you don’t actually like him…..
This doesn’t prove anything… There’s plenty of single guys without drama that don’t approach for a myriad of options… There’s also plenty of married men that have no issues approaching you and flirting