So I am realizing that I am going to need help for dating.
My goal is to get married ultimately. I am not trying to play the fence. However, I dont want serious relationships out the gate either. I want a more causal to LTR relationship.
So what that means is that I dont want to commit to a woman until 3 months in. The reason for that is because I think relationship are best when there is no pressure to be something. Instead, we see how we present to each other naturally.
I also dont want sex immediately. At 28, I am more comfortable admitting that its a turn off to have sex so early. I want emotional over physical.
I add that piece of info because people on this sub have said before I am desperate or that a woman knows you want sex so stop being too nice. In both scenarios, I never get close with the intentions of sex instead I want to get to know a woman so I rarely have sex in mind.
Now that I wrapped up my expectations. Here are my challenges:
I am currently in med school with very hard rotations. I am taking IM and surgery back to back. I wont be done until April. After that I will take a hard exam called step 2.
So I personally dont know how I would fit it in. On top of that, I live with my parents and have a beatup car. I want to be an anesthesiologist which may happen depending on where I place for residency.
Overall, I am about to be extremely busy for 5 years of my life.
Lastly, I have no real way of meeting women other than med school or the hospital. None of the women are mildly interested which I’m not trying to hit on women in school anyway.
I dont have any female friends nor family members. I am an only child with no support other than my mom.
I do have a friend group of men that I see once a month. Ironically, they all have partners.
In terms of my strengths, I actually am very independent. I dont really require a lot of stimulation nor do I get needy or desperate. I also dont have a money issue at all. I may be in med school but I have no problem being able to support my women however I still believe in 50/50 so I dont get taken advantage of.
I want to start this year off on a good plan. Should I get a dating coach to figure out how to maximize my situation.
How about start your journey by getting rid of the freaking rules you set up for your love life?
Ask someone out, go on a date and see if there’s a connection.
If you don’t want bang them, don’t.
If you want to take your time to build a relationship, then do that.
But, the 1st step is to actually find a date.
Med school? So, your time is limited. Find a place near you to volunteer. Animal shelter perhaps.
Go to a book store. Go where women are.
I dont even know who to ask out lol. Its harder than I thought it would be.
The thing with the sex part is that women I have dated have gotten disappointed with my position. Same thing with women I have met in the bar. Ironically, they just wanted a hookup rather than a guy taking them seriously.
Hello Mr Med school guy. You’ve asked this many many many times with different iterations.
You are treating women like they are a video game and you have to min / max the stats to optimize your time. You should treat them like they are people who are equals, and should focus on having fun first.
Nothing you listed as a strength I don’t think a woman is going to find as strength, besides being financially secure. You don’t have any hobbies listed, you didnt mention your nutrition or physique any, you just sound boring to me.
Go find some fun hobbies, join a team, lift a weight, be apart of something.
That is the point. I dont have time for hobbies only school right now.
Med school is not the time for hobbies at least these next 6 mths. Also, I already life weights and in great shape btw.
Video games aren’t cheap these days.
Healthy dating (imo) requires friendship skills. If I were in your shoes, I would consider this a year of learning how to connect with friends (particularly growing some friendships with women).
When women are only approached as dating subjects, it can contribute to seeing women not as whole people – but as a solution to your problem of loneliness. As a means to an end rather than interesting and worth knowing just because.
Learn to care about women as people. Build your social relationships. And then explore dating.
Sounds more like a contract than an emotional connection
how so?
I fear your first issue is that you are setting yourself up for failure by having so many rules for yourself.
insanity is asking the same thing over and over again and expecting different answers
Hmm, it seems like you’re being thoughtful, so I have absolutely solid reccs that helped me and can help a dude like you in a better situation than even I was.
Read “The Evolution of Desire” by David Buss, “Atomic Habits” by James Clear, and start getting into “Self-Maximize” by Hoe Math, the guy who does all those viral shorts with the graphs and delves into the deep why’s of what’s going on in dating and society. His stuff is incredible and it’ll help you become more attractive while avoiding the pitfalls of pickup artistry.
A lot of dudes turn it around in their late twenties, early 30’s by consistency.
Oh, and as for that 50/50 thinking, I hear you, but let me offer an alternative that was brought to my attention by a successful marriage counselor, a book for when you’re considering LTR’s called “The 80/80 Marriage” by Nate and Kaley Klemp. I absolutely get wanting to avoid being taken advantage of, which is why we seek partners we can trust and rely on who take accountability for their actions, simple as–and that’s necessary for trust.
If you’re looking for a place to start, start with Hoe Math, his videos are amazing and entertaining too. He’s fantastic at breaking things down. \[[Here’s the link](https://www.youtube.com/@hoe_math) to his YouTube for you, he’s awesome, genuinely.\]
If you want some more reccs or stuff, hmu–I’m just busy getting dinner before my friend drags me out to EOS for a workout and swim.
It sounds like you need to find a resident nurse at the hospital. But here’s the thing, you have these 5 years of busy ahead so it kind of doesn’t make sense to 1. Start a relationship with so many rules, or 2. Start one at all.
Your 3 monh rule is gonna create problems for you.
You can’t plan out a relationship like it’s a research project. What happens if two months into the relationship the women your dating starts asking how you feel about her and if you see things getting serious? Are you really gonna tell her you’re not sure and to wait another 30 days for an answer?
Since the start of 2026 have you made a effort to get out and meet new people? Have you updated your dating profiles? You need to start taking real steps here and stop coming to reddit for advice