I (late 20s F) dated a guy (mid-20s M) for a couple of months and something has been bothering me.
I found out he keeps photos of women he went on dates with in the past — not exes, but failed dates/short connections. When I asked why, he said he keeps them “for motivation” and to see how he could improve, even though he also claimed he doesn’t really look back at them and that it’s a “guy thing.”
What made it more uncomfortable:
• On our first date, he took pictures of me at dinner without asking and sent them to me days later
• Later, I found out he had taken photos of us cuddling without my knowledge (I asked him to delete them, I’m very private)
• He’s very focused on appearance and how he’s perceived
To me, it feels like women are being used as validation markers rather than people, but I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this or if it’s a real red flag.
Would love outside perspectives.
No man I have ever met keeps or takes candid photos and keeps them “for motivation”
Now if we’re talking you have some old pictures you just never deleted that’s a different story
Sounds like pervert territory, of which variety I have no idea
What the heck
That’s weird af lol.
This is slightly weird behaviour and definitely immature. I guess it is the 21st century equivalent of keeping souvenirs from hookups while in college, but with added privacy implications. Just note I am being generous here, personally I think it is nutty behavior.
I don’t believe this is a legitimate question, but on the offchance it is, fucking run you’re with a psychopath. It’s not a “guy thing”, his explanation makes no fucking sense, and if he’s taking unconsensual photos with you in intimate settings without you even knowing, I promise you there are more photos of you that you haven’t seen, and if you ever are naked around him, he’s going to be secretly taking nudes of you. Insane red flag, and if you don’t see it’s a red flag maybe stop dating for awhile and work on your self awareness.
As someone else said, if he had consensual photos of women he went on dates in the past and just hadn’t bothered to delete them, that’s not weird. But he openly says he keeps them “for motivation”? Motivation for fucking what? And again the being secretive about it is the weird part. I wouldn’t be shocked if those women didn’t even know he took those photos, and now he’s sharing them with you without their consent. If you don’t work out with this guy, he’s going to be showing your photo to future dates and talking about how it’s for his “motivation”, whatever the fuck that means.
Yeah that’s serial killer shit definitely don’t keep seeing this guy
Whatever his motivation is, it’s not a guy thing at all. Take it as you will, but I find it weird. No harm in being weird, but there is such a thing as ”too weird”
You sure it’s just photos? No heads or body parts in the fridge?
Be concerned
How concerned 😬 because I want to end things
So, I’ll admit that if you went through my phone you’d probably find pictures of women. Women I’ve dated. Women I’ve been on dates with, if they consented to their photos taken. Or even women I met on dating apps whose profiles i snapped a shot of to send to my friends to ask for advice. But the reason I have them is because I literally never scroll through my photos or organize them or anything. I take the photo for whatever purpose it’s for, then I forget about it and never worry about it again. But I have never taken a photograph or kept a photograph for “motivation.” I don’t know what that even means. Also, his explanation doesn’t make sense. How are these photos motivational if he never looks at them? Taking photos of you without your knowledge or consent on a first date is not normal behavior. Sending them to you after the date puts every single one of my hackles up and says that this guy is dangerous.
Keeping notes from previous dates and relationships as lessons to learn for the future: not weird
Keeping pictures of previous girlfriends/previous prospective girlfriends, for “motivation”: very weird