Hi
33F here
I’ve met several men, conversation is nice online, he looks invested and wants to meet me. Then after the date he reply politely and then disappear.
To explain better, I have no Problems to find conversation, I am open to any subject, I have lot of Humor and sense of 2nd degree.
I think my issue is that maybe I share too early my struggles or I do get attached very quickly which is something I try to work on and stay grounded.
Or maybe I am too people pleaser because I like to take care of the person and they feel oppressed?
This time Ive been in a chat group for 3 months, and the admin started to talk with me in private, we live in the same area. When we met it was nice, then we had a conversation where I shared my struggles (fear of getting attached to quickly, past relationship) and since he doesn’t talk to me anymore in private but didnt disappear either. I asked him if he want to meet the next day, he took the train for 2h, and the date was nice!! He even replied to me that he had fun. But still doesn’t initiate conversation in private with me anymore.
As a man what do you suggest to me?
. Thank you
Edit:
I dont talk about past relationship or struggles in relationship on the first date what happened with the admin of the group, I wasn’t sure about him. We met once, then I invited him on Christmas, always in a friendly way. Then I got a little bit more attracted to him after I shared my struggles. He also knew because I also talked about my struggles directly in the group so he knew a little bit.
About picture, I dont use Filters or Ai, but I gained à little bit of weight and I post mostly selfies, when we see my face we don’t really think that im a bit over weight, I dont know im not fat either. Also im tall and the one who cut contact with was a bit shorter than me.
Don’t overshare your problems early on. It kills the mood and any chance of the relationship progressing.
Are you misrepresenting yourself online somehow? What are they discovering about you in person that they hadn’t known before the meetup?
Those 9-year-old pictures are technically the same person.
Yeah this was my first thought as well. Every now and then would be one thing, but if its happening on the reg, then something IRL isn’t lining up with what they think they’re signing up for online
Past relationships and personal struggles generally aren’t first date conversations.
I’m envisioning this is how your dates go:
Him: “tell me about youself”
You: “Where to start, I got a lot of problems…” 2 hours later, “so are you okay with someone who self-harms?”
……
Maybe share a little less in the beginning. *especially* the “I get attached too quickly”.
I cant speak for all men in general, but I can tell you for sure is I wouldnt want a second date with a woman who I think is going to be crazy.
Rules #1, #1a, #1a.1 of being a man. You dont stick your dick in crazy.
Are your pictures recent and a good representation of how you look like in person?
If she doesn’t have at least 2 clear full body pictures, add 30 pounds to whatever you initially estimated.
Maybe this makes you come off like you have a lot of baggage and you’re clingy.
Because we are not privy to these conversations….
Based on your post. You are saying something to these men that isn’t helping the interaction progress any further….
Online communication is one thing, meeting in person is quite another.
Texting has a tendency to create a false sense of intimacy.
Too much texting online leads to people to create images in their respective minds of who the other person is.
And the person that we meet in real life is often completely different from the person who we imagined we were texting in the first place.
When that happens, it can usually mean disappointment for one person or the other.
Perhaps you are sharing your struggles too early
Or
/ after the date they reply politely then disappear/
Who set up that date and Do you try to set up another date?
Any trauma dumping on the first date, especially stuff about “getting attached too quickly” would give me Vietnam-style flashbacks and remind me that I left the stove on at home.