To preface, I know men aren’t a monolith – but a lot of the time, you offer good perspective!
I’m 23, and have only been in one relationship that lasted 3 years. Since breaking up about 2.5 years ago, I’ve focused on myself and put dating aside.
I’ve put a lot of effort into maturing emotionally. I know this happens with time, but I opted for therapy. I knew I was part of the issue in my prior relationship, and wanted to make sure I’d be ready to navigate relationships, friendships, etc. better.
I also feel very confident in myself now. I know I’m physically attractive and I’m at the point where any negative comments won’t sway that opinion of myself. Overall, I’ve just worked incredibly hard to be a better person. I will not act like I’m perfect, though. I still have things I need to work through just like everyone else.
I wanted to start dating again because I feel a relationship would be a nice way to enhance my life. I’m really happy with my friendships, work, and schooling.
Honestly…the experience has been awful. I feel like I approach/attract very emotionally immature men. I always try to opt for respectful conversation and stop myself from acting on emotion, but that isn’t reciprocated. I’m feeling really down about this and just wonder what else I could to do maybe attract more decent men.
I would say I’m quick to end things because I personally think if a man feels interest, he would be on his best behavior and vice versa. I’ve wondered if that might be an issue. I do try to respect myself and typically don’t feel comfortable in dynamics where sex is pushed without commitment or clear interest. Things like that.
I can definitely answer any questions to things I forgot to add. Thank you!
It’s great that you’ve worked on yourself- the first question I’d have is where are you meeting men? Men, are obviously not a monolith, so generalizations don’t really work.
Its honestly a very good question and I do not know what to tell you because I was once that immature guy and the thing about immaturity is that it cannot see itself.
Not being immature yourself!!
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Where do you look for guys? What age range are they generally in? Most guys your age make more mistakes than successes, if my personal experience counts for anything. Their might be one or two oddballs who are mature, but you’re better off looking in an older age range if maturity is what you seek.
25-30 is my usual age range.
Damn, there are so much stuff to do in life, stuff to experience. Who has enough time for a relationship?
Fazit, i am busy.
You can’t deter them but you can spot them easier by looking at their behaviors and not trying to change them. Look for someone who is already aware of themselves and how they effect you.
I would say just continue doing what you think is best.
Most guys are still immature even in old age.
The thing about adulthood is not to stop being silly, it’s about being safe, communicating and having important things as a main priority.
Date older men.
You talk about immaturity and disrespectful behavior, that may need clarification. If someone is being disrespectful you can stop them and flat out say: “I’ve been treating you with respect, I would appreciate it if you could do the same”. Perhaps you will need to be even more specific… “Don’t do … it makes me feel …”. Calling out your expectations can really make a huge difference, if someone still ignores that then you really only have the option of breaking it off.
The clarification would be what kind of disrespectful behavior? At that age men will be anxious and awkward around an attractive woman. I’m curious if the behavior is misguided attempts at showing attraction, or humor.
Increase your range to 35.
Congrats on working on yourself. It’s not easy to mature and grow. Admirable.
You may need to do what my wife did. Date an older guy who’s matured and worked on himself as well. We’re ten years apart.
I’d like you to keep an open mind when I say this:
Let’s say you date a 33 year old. He has experienced more life than you have and knows the trials and tribulations of going through his 20’s and making it over 30.
A guy like this is well aware that you haven’t yet. The likelihood of you being the same person at 23-25-27 and 30, highly unlikely. Especially for women, you change, mature grow so much at those different times. He knows this. You only know it as a concept because you haven’t experienced it yet.
That may be the only problem you run into dating older at your age. What he gets in the beginning, may not be what you want in the end (30). Which leaves him late 30’s/ early 40’s, single.
When i asked my wife at 28 , why she doesn’t date her age. She replied, “have you talked to guys my age, no thanks”
Be you OP. And if that is immature sometimes, it’s ok. Just find the person who like you for who you are.