Hey yall! Just to preface sorry for any formatting issues – I’m on mobile (also sorry if this is against the sub rules, hopefully this doesn’t fall under “couple advice” ?? I’m just looking for maybe a male perspective here).
Anyways – I (F22) got the balls to match with my upstairs neighbor (M26) on an app two weeks ago. I’ve had a little crush on him since he moved in in October. Anyways, we go get drinks right after we match and we have what I thought was a nice time, got to know him a little better and came back to our apartments to talk some more. We end up parting ways at like 3am which I thought was a good sign.
Now I’m horribly confused. He never texts me first and seems pretty dry when I text him. He’s a law student and finals are ongoing – finals are happening for me too right now so I totally get it but still … He never texts me? He lives directly above me? I feel like it’s so convenient it hurts – what’s preventing him to just stop by and chatting for a bit?
I’ve texted him a couple times since to wish him happy holidays and good luck on his exams – I always initiate, to reiterate he hasn’t texted me first since we went out. When I saw him again last week he said something like I’ve been meaning to text you again! and went in for a hug when he saw me so I was like oh awesome maybe he does like me too and I wasn’t overthinking! I ask “text me?” and he goes like yes totally! But it’s been radio silence since then.
I’m just so confused. Is this him soft-rejecting me? I’m so worried maybe I said something wrong when we were together last or maybe I did something. It just feels like mixed signals whenever we talk and it’s making my head spin because I really like him.
I want to ask him out again, but I’m worried since I’m always the one to reach out that I’m just bothering him. Would it be ok to move forward and ask him out one more time? My friends are all telling me that the ball is in his court and I’ll just look desperate inviting him out again. I’m so embarrassed. I don’t want to just annoy him and “not take the hint” but I really can’t tell if dry-texting and not reaching out is him being busy or shy or just trying to get me to fuck off.
Any insight would be so appreciated. Thank you!!
Dunno. He could be the type that doesn’t like texting. He could be busy. He could be not interested. Or he could be cutting up bodies, Jeffery Dahmer style. No one knows.
Ask him.
This is the advice you should heed!
Ask him out. If he accepts a date, he’s interested. Guys like to be pursued too.
You are asking the wrong question. The issue isn’t if he is interested in you or not. The question is are you okay with a dynamic where you will likely initiate dates moving forward for the foreseeable future? By continuing to initiate contact you have set a tone where you are the lead in the dynamic. If you prefer a more assertive man explore other options. If you are okay taking lead then keep pursuing him.
Please heed this advice too!
I guess I didn’t think of that! Maybe he’s waiting to hear from me then to do something else together. I’m pretty comfortable taking the lead I guess – I’m not one to believe in traditional roles. Just a little nervous about putting myself out there and getting rejected but I think I might just need to grow up and brace for that being the case lol.
Thank you!!
Bad idea. I was in a similar situation with a girl who lived below me. She started just showing up all of the time. I felt like I was constantly being spied on. She’d mention noticing when I had other guests. Not worth it, OP!
See, no communication is bad communication. If he’d just say “hey, I’ve been busy, but I still like you” OR “yeah, it was fun, but I don’t see it going further” that’d help a lot.
I’m a 38yo woman and at 22 I was terrible at reading male signals – especially dating older men. At this ripe age, with the experience I have, my mantras are “If he wanted to, he would” and “maybe he’s just not that into you.” There’s a book and movie about the second one. He knows you’re interested in dating. You made that clear. He might not be as interested or he might be disappointed he hung out until 3am with no sex. You really don’t know what kind of person he is. Take his actions at face value – he’s not as interested as you are. Does the reason matter? Rub a couple out, forget he’s upstairs and focus on stacking cash and doing yoga instead.
Maybe pick it up again after finals, honestly. Any interpretation of signals at the current moment is probably clouded by that for you and for him.
Yes you can be direct and ask him out again or just ask him where his at in general. But the real answer is if he wanted to, he would.
Let it go….he just wants to be friends.
He is not that into you.