Hi everyone, I (31M) feel stuck in a loop with my girlfriend (30F) and don’t know what to do anymore.
Whenever she gets upset, she gets angry at me, swears at me, and tells me I “do nothing.” I try to ask what she needs from me or how I can actually make things better, but she refuses to say. Instead she just puts everything on me.
Here’s an example of our recent conversation (her exact messages):
> “I’m sick of you and I’m sick of this relationship.”
“You do nothing.”
“If this is not sorted out and you do not say or do anything to make this better or even start making this remotely better, I am done with you.”
But the problem is… she won’t tell me what she wants me to actually say or do. I literally asked her to be specific, and she said things like:
> “You need to do or say things to make things better.”
But no matter what I ask, she won’t explain what she needs. She expects me to guess, and if I don’t magically get it right, she says I don’t care.
Meanwhile she tells me:
> “You didn’t apologise for telling me to fuck off yet you have the audacity to tell me not to swear at you?”
I told her I said that once during a fight 2 years ago, but she swears at me constantly when she’s upset.
I’ve tried to communicate calmly and tell her I want to sort things out, but she just gets more frustrated and keeps repeating that I’m the problem and I’m not doing anything.
I’m honestly drained. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells and trying to “fix” something without even knowing what she wants from me.
My question is:
Is this normal? Am I missing something, or is this just unhealthy communication? Is this a sign I should end things?
Thanks for reading.
Yes you should be able to read her mind
Congratulations buddy. You’ve been blessed with a crazy one fr.
What’s stopping you from just leaving? She’s already broken up with you, she just doesn’t have the balls to tell you so.
She wants you to be the one to initiate the break up talks, so just do yourself a favor and dump her, then move on.
Is it right? No. Is it normal? Yup, pretty much.
If you leave her it will give you peace. That will make life better for you. She is being a very lazy partner by not communicating clearly with you and expecting you to do all the legwork.
You’re dating a child and you’re facilitating her by staying.
Nightmare fuel.
Good luck with all that, bud.
Dump her this will never get better
Woman here. 👋
Yes, this is unhealthy communication. She’s not taking any responsibility for “fixing” whatever is wrong- not even to the limited extent of expressing whatever it is that’s bothering her. Pair that up with holding you accountable for a single “fuck off” TWO YEARS AGO while she curses at you consistently? Absolutely not.
This is completely irrational. If behavior like this is the usual for her, I’d say it’s completely fair for you to consider moving on.
Spoiler: she doesn’t know herself what she wants or what she expects from you. Its not that she refuses to tell, she actualy has no fucking clue. What she knows is that,for some reason; she feels like shit, and she hates it. Why? She doesn’t think that far, because you, as her boyfriend, should be making her happy. And clearly you aren’t, because she’s not happy. Thats enough proof that you are yo blame for how shitty she feels, and the fact you aren’t magically changing her feelings into happiness proves even more that its all your fault and that you’re a shitty boyfriend. Don’t expect her mood to get any better unless something realy big happens randomly. And expect her to very quickly justify cheating because of how shitty she feels, and to also blame the cheating on you, the shitty boyfriend how is to blame for her shitpissed attitude.
Enjoy! Or run and dont look back. But it is exactly this. Its extremely common too. You will see it happen so often to so many women, yet they all see that as completely rational and normal.
My God… I couldn’t have said it any better. This is the right answer and needs to be Reddit gold highlighted in orange for ALL to see…
as a woman that used to do this, yeah. tip for a man, if your gf ever makes you feel like nothing you do is good enough. and every time you fix a problem there’s another problem. she is the problem.
This is classic passive aggressive garbage. It’s all about keeping you feeling guilty and struggling to please her. It’s a hamster wheel of dysfunction and you are running like a champion.
Just stop. Get off the wheel, get out of the relationship.
In a matter of days, once the shock wears off, you’ll be surprised at how content you are in your own company.
It’s controlling BS. Don’t get her pregnant, whatever you do. If a female friend of yours told you that she was being treated this way, what would you say to her?