I , 24yo F still live at home with my family of 8. I like to believe my family has a good & healthy relationship. Today (one of many occasions) my brother (13yo M) grabbed a band tee that is merch from my fav band that I got to see live this year. My sister pointed out when we were in public that she noticed he was wearing my t-shirt – I tried my best not to lose my cool as we were in public around friends. I asked him to please take it off (he was wearing it under a quarter zip) but I then backtracked and just told him we would talk at home & to simply put the shirt back where he grabbed it. Many other events transpired – I had been housesitting the week before and when I got home , my bathroom was trashed , the toilet was clogged and full of poop – I had now needed to take care of this as well.
I began communicating my frustrations to my mom 43yo F about how I felt disrespected and how my space was being violated , she ignored me – I asked why she was not acknowledging me and she told me she had a headache and did not want to hear it. I then asked my brother to go fold my shirt and put it back exactly how I had it , my mom flipped on me. She began saying that I am stingy and “fijada” which is basically a word in Spanish for describing a person who is selfish , it’s not a positive term. I responded and began explaining that I did not care if she thought I was “fijada” , I was not only upset that he grabbed my shirt but that he snuck into my room , dug around through my things and grabbed it because “he needed a white shirt”. I explained the lack of integrity is what upset me most – she began saying I was embarrassing for making a scene and that it was stupid of me to be acting like that over a t-shirt … completely missing the point of why I was upset.
This is not the first time , my siblings sneak into my room often and have grabbed expensive perfumes , skincare , socks (? like what the hell) , hair products , my dairy free products ??? once the milk runs out they begin using my oat milk …etc.
To me it does not matter if it was a 5$ shirt or a 50$ shirt … you don’t touch what isn’t yours and you always ask. This is how my mom raised me , why is she upset I’m upholding this mindset ?
I had to walk away because she began getting rowdy , loud does not equal correct and I truly feel invalidated … I want to move out and get a place of my own , but it seems impossible with just everything … that would be the ideal solution, trust me – I know. I’ve tried everything , changing the locks , setting boundaries but nothing works , my siblings pry open my door with forks to get past the lock – it’s infuriating. My parents recommended I get cameras for my room but why would I need to go to that extent ? I hate it.
I’m mostly disappointed with my mother’s response , she said some nasty snarky things that were out of pocket and all because I’m upset that someone disrespected me and my space ? Her go to is to call me selfish and a “fijada” , I say I don’t care but it makes my blood boil. I’m selfish because I don’t want people grabbing and ruining my things ? Really ?
I have one solution , I know. It’s unobtainable right now – but I am working towards it.
am I actually selfish and stingy and just don’t see it ?? AITAH???